90 year old grandma and cousins’ stepchildren

Resulting in a complete strangers on the internet to project all their miseries and insecurities on a barely legible post and trolling granny who's gone through 9 decades and just want a relaxed lunch calling her a dick, horrible, spiteful, horrendous, ugly.. oh and the best, granny doesn't deserve a party Happy 90th😆

He's the one who should be excluded then.

He’s a CF.

They have nothing to do with her on a day to say basis. Father probably just wants a free meal for them. And she probably knows that.

A CF, yes. He's probably done it one too many times. That's where the apprehension stems from presumably.

Those who say they have amazing relations with their step gan gan, that's lovely but it's not the case here. These teens have no relationship with their step great grandmother. Because they don't live with their dad. They are strangers to granny.

If it's all about photos you just give the photographer a list of photos you want, he calls the listed people arranges them and takes the photo. It really isn't worth the upset for a photo that can be easily arranged.

This. My grandma is also my step grandma and we are the closest of all of her grandchildren

Not the best idea to impose blending families on your children and the rest of the family. You want to blend perfect strangers because you happen to have romantic relationship with a particular person or have entered a shared household? Sure go ahead, nobody cares but don't force it on others. Arguably cousin should also invite the ex of her partner and his ex in-laws as it's all one big happy family.

Sounds like you dont like your cousins husband. Tbf he probanly is a bit of a dick. But its not the teenagers fault.

Granny can probably see something in the kids she doesn't like. Like their father who is a CF supreme for pushing his kids into someone else's family events.

How would it hurt her feelings to have a couple of extended family members there?

Unless she's genuinely quite mean, I'd assume this stand is actually being taken more by the younger generations who don't like their dad. Rightly or wrongly.

The children aren’t related to her, I don’t see the issue with them not being invited. I doubt teens would be excited at the thought of a 90 year olds birthday party anyway.

Granny’s not a very nice person.

Well she's got a choice. She can either suck up the possibility of them being a photo or she can cry over how her action in excluding them means someone will be missing from her precious photo.

Her action. Her choice. At 90, she should have worked out that actions have consequences and you can't be a dick to someone and then expect them to do things on your terms however much you think you are in charge.

If she's been a dick and wanted to exclude someone then its her own fucking fault. She can't complain.

The cousin’s entitlement is off the scale!

Just let grandma have her day fgs.

They can in indeed.

They can't expect that people will treat new children in the blended unit as blood. With respect yes, but people don't have to consider as equal to blood relatives as blood. Forcing it or judging others for not putting those new member on the level you have will never end well.

No, they aren’t. Even if they were, they aren’t the only ‘family’ excluded.

The one stirring conflict is the cousin’s husband, who is throwing a strop because he’s not getting what he wants. He may not like their stance on his children (which is not even an abnormal or unusual stance), but this is the family he married into, and he doesn’t get to force his vision of an ideal blended family onto them.

I understand that he brings them uninvited to lunches/dinners that in-laws host.

So the kids are regularly left out of family meals and events? I can see why the Dad is pissed off and just brings them anyway tbh. I could sort of understand when it was just Granny's 90th, but this additional information makes it sound like you all exclude them all the time.

(And the mention of the 8 and 10 year old 'using the free bar' made me lol - knecking the vodka shots were they?)

If you read all the posts by OP they really have nothing to do with granny.

Grandma can invite who she likes and invitees are entitled to not attend and to keep their children, shared or otherwise, at home too.

Grow up

But they are family. They're her great-grandson's siblings.

Sorry but I don't think your grandma is a lovely woman if she's content to exclude children and stir family conflict like this.

As part of a large extended, family including multiple adopted children, this makes me really sad. My adopted cousins and their children are family regardless of genetics and they were just as adored by our grandparents as the rest of us.

Thanks to the levels of blended family entitlement on MN I would never form a blended family if I found myself single. I would certainly caution my children against it.