To feel sad about dd17 becoming sexually active

Maybe it’s daughters. I have sons and I was relieved when they started relationships. I didn’t want them getting older and being really awkward or isolated or insecure. Seeing them have girlfriends was a weight off me really. (I was a late bloomer due to shyness and some timidity and didn’t want that for mine).

YABU. I lost my virginity age 14. 17 is absolutely fine.

My eldest had sex at 16 and I was blindsided by how upset I was, I cried and cried. It was sadness that they were growing up so fast, grief for my own horrible childhood, triggering because of my own bad sexual experiences, fear for my child’s vulnerability and the potential for them to get hurt…tbh I’ve done a lot more crying and grieving at various stages of my children’s lives than I expected. Motherhood is quite brutal in some ways and mothers are often scoffed at and shamed if they talk about that aspect of it. The brief is: create and maintain the most secure, deepest and most loving bond a human being is capable of, then gradually separate to the point where the other person can function happily without you. It’s hard.

Like you, I felt the same, even though I knew it wasn't logical. Interesting posts about the psychology from some of the PPs, something in shall think on.

I hear you. It’s because we are letting go of them. We’ve spent years nurturing them to be the wonderful independent people we want them to be, but it’s going to break our hearts to let them go. Hugs OP X.

She's growing up, making her own way in the world and it's inevitable that you feel a bit sad. It's natural to want to keep our kids close and protect them from everything! Be kind to yourself, you sound like a great mum and should be proud that your daughter is approaching this in such a mature manner! And isn't it lovely that she feels she can come to you and talk to you about relationships and sex? It shows what a good job you're doing mamma!

Sounds like she's in a great place to stay to be sexually active. I think it's important not just to talk to girls about safety and "be careful', but also that sex should be fun and enjoyable and satisfying for both parties.

We have this societal history of telling girls sex is dangerous, bad, something you have to endure to keep men happy. But I think they will make better choices and be safer if we treat sex as as positive experience when done right with sensitivity, consent and mutual understanding

It's natural to feel wistful about our children growing up.

I read recently - "not losing your virginity but making your sexual debut"

I wonder if you feel sad for your adolescent self that you didnt have the sexual debut you would have liked? And/or worried for DD that she will have negative experiences?

It sounds like great prep and great supportive conversations so far.

The cusp of adulthood is hard for kids and parents. You sound like a lovely mum. Make sure she knows it’s absolutely okay for her to wait and also to change her mind at the last minute too.
She will still need you for a good long while @WeakandWobbly

Maybe because having sex is an adult behaviour? It's quite a significant step away from childhood and you may feel a sense of loss over her leaving childhood?

Plus its hard to transition into seeing them as an adult (obviously she isn't an adult yet but teenage years are a transition to adulthood where they begin to behave like adults). I imagine you still at least half see her as a child and she has been your child forever so it's probably also a bit disturbing to think of her having sex.

Just a suggestion, maybe I am wrong.

I think it’s good that you recognise this is a little bit ridiculous of you.

This is really a good scenario for your DD - 17, with a boyfriend you like, contraception sorted, open conversations with you, it sounds like she’s being very sensible about it. It sounds like it’s what you’d have wanted for yourself as well in terms of being able to talk to your mum about it.

As previous poster says she is moving into young adulthood and growing up. But I'd say it's normal to feel a bit sad about this. She's no longer a child.

Sadness is a strange emotion to have about this
it sounds like this has all been handled well by you
shes moving into young adulthood - part of children growing