To feel sad about dd17 becoming sexually active

I think you’re too close to the ground here to be honest. It’s good to chat about safe sex but to then be contrasting her potentially having sex to your own sexual experiences and worrying she’s losing her innocence is weird imo. My parents put loads of weirdness around sex to where I never discuss it with them (I’m in my 20s).

ultimately if you see yourself as being a grandparent some day, you have to come around to the idea of your adult offspring being seen as desirable, having intimate relationships and eventually in the future - getting to a point where a child can be made. at 17, you’re not expecting a pregnancy yet, but most people start discovering that side of themselves at that age and dating. Then by the time she’s mid 20s-30s, she’ll have enough dating experience to pick the right person to have a child with when the time comes. Cycle of life

as far as a parent is concerned, she’s gone about it in the best way possible.

YANBU to feel the way you feel. But its all good! Your dd is talking to you and being sensible!
I was sexually active at 17, but no way could I speak to my mum, who was a "no sex until marriage" Catholic! I have no regrets (first bf, didnt last )
But with my dds I had "the chat" . All I had to say was, it should be safe, and it should be fun! If either of those factors are missing, give it a swerve.
My eldest dd is now 22 and still with her first bf(4 years!). I don't really think about their sex life, but I'm sure she could talk to me if there were. My younger dd is with a woman, who is lovely. My ds is bi and yet to bring anyone home, but he is very sorted and I know whoever he brings home will be lovely.
Its accepting they have their own life and celebrating their growth in life. I love it! Their partners have become part of our family (although I am aware they might not last forever!) But for me its not about the sex (I don't think about it!) Its about them developing and experiencing relationships

You sound like a lovely mum with a lovely daughter. ❤️

Sex doesn't signify that you've lost her or that she's now an adult. Sex doesn't have that ability.

It absolutely is not a strange emotion to have. Abba wrote a whole song about it. "Slipping through my fingers" And that song makes me cry in anticipation every time even though my youngest is still at primary school! Perfectly natural OP, give yourself time, kindness and understanding.

I love my kids and am a really good mum but I always seemed to be the exception (on MN at least lol) in that I have always looked forward to seeing the back of the stages. Very happy at the end of primary, glad for the end of senior, thrilled they are embracing independence etc. I don‘t know if I’m an anomaly but I have never felt sad for the end of ‘eras’. I remember being surrounded by crying mums and kids at primary leaver’s assembly and me and my son looking at each other saying, let’s get out of here (he was a model student). I wonder why that is? My dad was very unsentimental so I wonder if I got a bit of that (because I’m not a hard nut or anything).

I took it as meaning she’s a bit nervous (as most of us probably were) about taking that next big step.

If you’re concerned about it OP it seems your relationship is open enough that you can broach that with her?

I think you are too emotionally involved in your daughter's sex life.
Openness and support is great. But she does deserve privacy and space to mess up / grow / explore.

Nonsense. My parents weren't perfect but they were if anything too strict with me. Anyway, I was a very mature 14.

14 is way too toung to have sex, your parents werent doing their job

She’ll always need you x

My DD is the same age and a in along term relationship. I think you are handling this perfectly but understandable to be upset. It is a big step into adulthood. 💐

Wow none of your business mama
Step back.

It is because deep down you know it is not right.

I feel you on this!

It's a stage, OP. Not the "having sex" per se.

Like them not believing in Santa any more.
Or moving up to secondary.
Or leaving home for uni.

You feeling sad is totally natural, imo. Just get through it. You've clearly handled it all really well.

What does that moronic phrase even mean? I'm not saying it to 'flex', just to put things in perspective. I wasn't remotely damaged by it, I slept with my sixteen year old boyfriend (we're friends to this day)

I have a daughter and a son. My DD ‘made her sexual debut’ as someone upthread put it aged 18 with her long term lovely boyfriend, contraception sorted etc and I did still feel weird about it. I think it’s that young women are so much more vulnerable. It would be her having to deal with the consequences if there was a pregnancy. Plus the potential for being abused and mistreated even if it seems unlikely in this relationship. I guess maybe it’s just a sadness at the knowledge of what they’ll have to face being seen by men as a sexual object which we all know at first hand what that is like to a greater or lesser extent even if it’s just catcalling or leery men in pubs.

I noticed that too. But I took the stance that it'd be more alarming if she declares she was 100% ready.. Because that puts pressure on herself rather than going, I am 90% sure I want to and that will go to 100% in the right moment.

That's her realising she may get near, or even begin and then want to stop... I'd say it's actually positive that she's leaving an element of doubt.

I don't know many girls that are 100% ready to lose their virginity.. Like in the moment it seems a good idea, but then it's a little uncomfortable and not all that thrilling (well that was mine and my friends experiences anyway, I don't know anyone that's had mind-blowing orgasmic sex the very first time)