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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH doesn’t want to look after both children at the same time…

143 replies

SarahScone · 30/01/2026 09:27

We have one DS14months together and DH has a DD9 from a previous relationship. She is with us half the time.
On the rare occasion that I want to go out for the night/evening with friends, DH makes it awkward as says he would prefer me to go on nights we don’t have his DD as it is ‘not fair on her’… Frequency wise, we’re talking once every three-four months if that.
I really don’t want to ask my friends to rearrange on this basis (although they probably would).
AIBU to think DH can look after both his children for an evening (and maybe (big maybe) an overnight, on his own?

OP posts:
Bellaunion · 30/01/2026 09:53

Of course he can. Most 9 year olds are pretty self sufficient anyway, it's absolutely ridiculous he can't look after them both. I have a baby and a 3 year old and my husband has had them both on his own on numerous occasions on his own without any complaint because he's a parent and that's what parents do.

Cat1202 · 30/01/2026 09:53

That made me laugh, honestly where do you find these men?

LaundryScales · 30/01/2026 09:52

I would find such incompetence deeply unattractive.

He’s modelling very poor behaviour to his daughter. Does he want to normalise incompetent partners/fathers to her?

Portabello99 · 30/01/2026 09:52

So would he rather you book a sitter for your child while he is also in the house? I wouldn’t allow him to decide when you can go out especially when it’s a rare event.

Honeypizza · 30/01/2026 09:50

He's being ridiculous. If it's an issue for him he should have thought about that before deciding to have a second child. Keep putting your foot down.

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/01/2026 09:46

CurlewKate · 30/01/2026 09:35

I suppose he would say it means his dd doesn’t get his undivided attention that day. But it does mean she gets time to spend with her dad and her sibling. Swings and roundabouts!

Which is what happens to every child who has siblings!

CurlewKate · 30/01/2026 09:35

I suppose he would say it means his dd doesn’t get his undivided attention that day. But it does mean she gets time to spend with her dad and her sibling. Swings and roundabouts!

Furlane · 30/01/2026 09:34

Ridiculous. Why on earth did he have another child if he didn’t think he could look after both of them together?

LimeGalah · 30/01/2026 09:34

Maybe having a second child wasn’t well thought out if he’s not up for caring for them. He should be able to parent his kids without someone else being there all the time to assist.

Frankly I think he needs to be spending a lot more time with his kids. You need to be doing more things outside the home that means he’s learning how to parent his kids through both fun things and less fun things.

Favouritefruits · 30/01/2026 09:34

What a load of rubbish! It’ll be nice for his Dd to occasionally spend time with her sibling and Dad without you around! Just ignore him he’s being ridiculous.

MapleOakPine · 30/01/2026 09:32

He's being a bit pathetic. Don't pander to him OP!

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/01/2026 09:32

What's unfair on the 9 year old?

dicentra365 · 30/01/2026 09:31

Of course he bloody can - manipulative bastard!

WelshRabBite · 30/01/2026 09:31

If he never wanted to look after more than one child, why did he have more than one child?

He’s being ridiculous. Most fathers or 2, look after both kids 🙄

Monster6 · 30/01/2026 09:31

Of course it’s easier when another adult shares the load, we all get that. But, compromise is part of being in a relationship. You’re not asking for the moon Op, seems totally reasonable to me. Being a blended family is irrelevant really; sometimes dad is on his own, sometimes mum is on her own…it’s the same for all families. Not like you’re going out every weekend.

fashionqueen0123 · 30/01/2026 09:29

Tell him to get a grip. That’s absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn’t have even taken this seriously. What’s not fair on his child?!

Jellycatspyjamas · 30/01/2026 09:29

Of course he can, he’s being completely unreasonable. Do you have them both on your own? I’m guessing you do.

Largestlegocollectionever · 30/01/2026 09:29

Yes of course he can, he’s being ridiculous