Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH doesn’t want to look after both children at the same time…

143 replies

SarahScone · 30/01/2026 09:27

We have one DS14months together and DH has a DD9 from a previous relationship. She is with us half the time.
On the rare occasion that I want to go out for the night/evening with friends, DH makes it awkward as says he would prefer me to go on nights we don’t have his DD as it is ‘not fair on her’… Frequency wise, we’re talking once every three-four months if that.
I really don’t want to ask my friends to rearrange on this basis (although they probably would).
AIBU to think DH can look after both his children for an evening (and maybe (big maybe) an overnight, on his own?

OP posts:
WelshRabBite · 30/01/2026 10:29

Him taking his own DC out together isn’t “giving you a break”, it’s parenting and pretty much the bare minimum.

You only have 1 child, he has two. He should be behaving like a father of 2, which does include doing overnights. If he doesn’t like doing this, he shouldn’t have had a second child.

I’m presuming you won’t be having any more children with this man, because if he can’t parent 2 DC simultaneously, attempting to parent 3 would probably blow his mind 🙄

Abd80 · 30/01/2026 10:28

Absolutely ridiculous. So he can’t parent his two children for one night ?!! This is bullshit.
I think you need to take more evenings off OP.
I leave my husband with our three small children, he doesn’t object, it’s called being their father.

Freeme31 · 30/01/2026 10:26

Why did he have another child if he couldn’t look after 2. He is being pathetic

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/01/2026 10:23

He says it’s not fair on DD9 as the baby takes up a lot of his time

Having had a child already was he not aware babies take up a lot of time? Is he not a bit embarrassed to admit he struggles looking after the two children he chose to have by himself?

HarlotOTara · 30/01/2026 10:23

It sounds like he doesn’t want you to go out on your own

Bearbookagainandagain · 30/01/2026 10:23

Do you think your step daughter actually cares?

He's being ridiculous. My kids actually like having just one of us from time to time.

Original poster
SarahScone · 30/01/2026 10:21

To be clear, he regularly looks after them together and happily takes them out at the weekends together to give me a break. But what he objects to is being at home for an evening and a morning with both of them. He says it’s not fair on DD9 as the baby takes up a lot of his time. I don’t agree that it’s unfair. If it were a weekly occurrence and she was expressing dissatisfaction then maybe.

OP posts:
Aquarius91 · 30/01/2026 10:20

I hope you told him to do one.

honeylulu · 30/01/2026 10:19

What is his actual problem with it? Can he explain why he doesn't think it is fair? It sounds ideal to me. Little one goes to bed earlier and daughter gets a nice 121 evening with her dad. Definitely push back on this!

99bottlesofkombucha · 30/01/2026 10:16

I suggest you go out weekly, while his dd is here, until he’s mastered having 2 children. It shouldn’t take too long, tell him you have confidence in him. Off to research hobbies op! Watching movies could be a hobby, sounds relaxing.

Devilsmommy · 30/01/2026 10:14

dicentra365 · 30/01/2026 09:31

Of course he bloody can - manipulative bastard!

This. What would he do if you were in an accident and hospitalised for a few days. Tell him he's being a twat and can look after both of them just like all other fathers with more than one child

Jadzya · 30/01/2026 10:10

Pathetic

Fupoffyagrasshole · 30/01/2026 10:09

ffs i go out every single week - sometimes twice and husband has to have his teenage son, 4 year old and baby!!

This is just life with more than 1 kid!

StrippeyFrog · 30/01/2026 10:08

If he didn’t want to care for two children at once then he shouldn’t have had two children.

MidnightPatrol · 30/01/2026 10:07

I think this is the first post I’ve ever seen where 100% of people have voted the same…!

SENmumof22026 · 30/01/2026 10:07

If he couldn’t be bothered to look after both children why did he have another child? Yanbu, go out regardless he sounds a bit of a deadbeat.

MidnightPatrol · 30/01/2026 10:06

His DD probably would value time just with her father, and not have his new partner there all the time.

More broadly though it’s laughable to have two children and still be unable to look after them together 14 months in.

Lidlisthebusiness · 30/01/2026 10:05

My husband looks after our 6 children all by himself sometimes. Because he's their parent. The baby can be a struggle at the moment, but he gets on with it.
Give yours a grip to hold tightly, and tell him to stop being so ridiculous.

Mosaic80 · 30/01/2026 10:05

Yes of course he should! I had a similar age gap (2 different Dad's) and my DP would have looked after both DC at the same age if I asked him to, even though one wasn't his. And I certainly looked after them both.

It might also be nice for his DD to spend time as a little 3 with her sibling and Dad. Does 14 month old need a lot of settling/putting to bed time and he feels 9 yo would miss out on time with him? How are things split between you and DH on the days that he currently has his DD - does he not do anything for the younger one then?

RedToothBrush · 30/01/2026 10:00

Are you his equal partner who is free to make decisions about when you go out or are you in a controlling relationship with a man who thinks he has the right to tell you when it's 'appropriate to go out' or not sees you primarily as his live in child care.

  1. you don't need his approval for your social life.
  2. it's his own fucking child who might actually like to spend some time alone with her dad

He's in Ick Waters.

His older daughter is a nuisance to him. She will pick up on it.

AgnesMcDoo · 30/01/2026 10:00

if DH is old enough to make babies then he’s old enough to parent them too

LatteLady · 30/01/2026 09:58

Go out, but make sure you turn your phone off. Weaponised incompetence is deeply unattractive in a man.

Dontcallmescarface · 30/01/2026 09:56

Boofuckinghoo. If he can hold down a job he can take care of 2 kids, the prick.

takealettermsjones · 30/01/2026 09:55

Well it sounds like he needs the practice so you should definitely go out more 😊

mindutopia · 30/01/2026 09:55

I mean, who does? I find just one of my children on their own easier than both of them together. So much so that I take them on holiday separately! But doesn’t mean I don’t have to get them both to bed on my own sometimes when Dh is away. Of course, I do.

If it’s quality time with his dd he’s after, why not offer for her to stay an extra night so he gets 2 nights with her instead of just one? Best of both worlds. I’m sure her mum would love an extra night to herself.