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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH doesn’t want to look after both children at the same time…

143 replies

SarahScone · 30/01/2026 09:27

We have one DS14months together and DH has a DD9 from a previous relationship. She is with us half the time.
On the rare occasion that I want to go out for the night/evening with friends, DH makes it awkward as says he would prefer me to go on nights we don’t have his DD as it is ‘not fair on her’… Frequency wise, we’re talking once every three-four months if that.
I really don’t want to ask my friends to rearrange on this basis (although they probably would).
AIBU to think DH can look after both his children for an evening (and maybe (big maybe) an overnight, on his own?

OP posts:
Hufflemuff · 30/01/2026 18:31

What is tricky about a 9 year old!? Nothing. They just require your attention - which he obviously cant be fucked with. Does he actually engage much with the baby? If the baby is 14 months then maybe he just keeps him alive, but doesnt actually give him any energy!

Didimum · 30/01/2026 18:25

Ask him why he signed up for two children if he's so incompetent.

Goingbonkers247 · 30/01/2026 18:13

he's being silly. you should be able to go out. SD won't mind, she isn't a baby at 9.
My OH is happy to stay home with both kids at night. Our kids are both 12, we have 1 each from previous and none together. I am ok with both kids but my OH has to come home in time to put his daughter to bed or she wont go. she's become so difficult we only make plans when both kids are at their other parent. Tell your OH to grow up.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 30/01/2026 17:48

Largestlegocollectionever · 30/01/2026 09:29

Yes of course he can, he’s being ridiculous

first post sums it up.

Don't let him get away with this line of argument.

Icecreamisthebest · 30/01/2026 17:41

Based on your update it sounds like you have a lie in the next morning. Is it this time that is the actual problem in his mind? Is this the only time you get a lie in and ge does morning duty? So these lovely breaks he gives you when he takes them
out are after you have done the hard yards of getting them up in the morning and getting them ready?

Im embarrassed for him. It’s 3-4 times a year. Does he not think your needs are important at all?

Hiphipholiday · 30/01/2026 17:38

He’s being an idiot. If he wanted his daughter to be an only child and have his full attention he shouldn’t have had another child. she has got a sibling so it is what it is and he needs to ensure they both get his attention.

RedToothBrush · 30/01/2026 17:34

I think you should go out and arrange a play date for his daughter three best friends so he can deal with not just his own child but her mates too. See how many times he complains about having his own kids after that...

MissingSockDetective · 30/01/2026 17:28

Frankly if he didn't think he could paretn two, he shouldn't have had two. He needs to get a grip.

Mary28 · 30/01/2026 17:27

WTAF. 2 kids. At once. Both his kids. FFS.

Grammarnut · 30/01/2026 17:14

Of course he can look after both DC. And DD9 can get to know her brother as well, a win all round. You should organise it more often.

Shhhhitsmagic · 30/01/2026 17:06

You got yourself a man-child. Welcome to the club

Rattai · 30/01/2026 17:01

What would he do if they were both with him full time?

Alwaysontherun · 30/01/2026 16:51

He should have thought about this before having 2 kids. Definitely a him problem. He doesn’t get to choose when to parent and you deserve some time to yourself too

Raineys · 30/01/2026 16:41

He's been completely unreasonable and extremely controlling.
Do not have another child with such an arse.
How long have you been with him and had HIS child in your life?

Another arsehole man not wanting to parent his children and controlling his partner with his bullshit.
You have made a huge mistake.
I would be rethinking the relationship big time and ripping him a new one.
If you do anything for his child, rethink it.

Hollietree · 30/01/2026 16:16

Utterly ridiculous. Have you asked him why he is incapable of looking after his own two children for just one evening?

I went to a wedding abroad when our children were 1,3 and 5. My husband didn’t bat an eyelid at looking after the three children by himself for a whole week. In fact he said what a great time they had and it was a really lovely bonding experience for him.

I suspect your husband is just lazy. And enjoys making you feel guilty about having an evening out.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 30/01/2026 16:11

He is finding an excuse, at a guess in order to prevent you from going out while he's at home with both kids.

He's an arsehole.

ConstanzeMozart · 30/01/2026 16:08

SarahScone · 30/01/2026 10:21

To be clear, he regularly looks after them together and happily takes them out at the weekends together to give me a break. But what he objects to is being at home for an evening and a morning with both of them. He says it’s not fair on DD9 as the baby takes up a lot of his time. I don’t agree that it’s unfair. If it were a weekly occurrence and she was expressing dissatisfaction then maybe.

I don't get this. What's the difference between taking them out together at the weekends and being at home for an evening and a morning with them? How is that, specifically, not fair on DD9? Why does the baby suddenly take up a lot of his time in this scenario but not at the weekends?
Why do you need 'a break'? How much does he do generally?
And for fuck's sake, it's about 3 or 4 times a year. He needs to man up and step up.

ERthree · 30/01/2026 16:06

Another one that wanted a nanny for their child.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/01/2026 15:56

A toddler (which is what I’d class a 14 month old as - a one year old in other words) isn’t as all consuming as a newborn baby.

Presumably the 1 yo goes to bed at a certain point, and then he gets time with his 9 yo? Then in the morning the 1 yo probably wakes up first, but once you’re back he can go back to focussing on his 9 yo again?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/01/2026 15:53

If they were full siblings, he wouldn’t be able to say this! He’s being ridiculous.

The rule of thumb for both sexes should be, don’t have more children that you can look after by yourself, all together. I’ve actually said this to my exh before!

SnackQueen · 30/01/2026 15:52

Absolute joker.

Bonkers1966 · 30/01/2026 15:52

Ridiculous lazy man. Good luck with this marriage.

Diamondsareagirlsbestfrien · 30/01/2026 15:51

Wow, of course he is being unreasonable

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/01/2026 15:50

HarlotOTara · 30/01/2026 10:23

It sounds like he doesn’t want you to go out on your own

Yep.

Cherrysoup · 30/01/2026 15:38

Does he ever leave you with both? IE your sdd who isn't even your child? I think he's being ridiculous. Surely your toddler goes to bed then he and his dd get time together?