To find H's tiredness unattractive

I would bet good money on this too - strangely I would also bet money that he would suddenly find immense motivation if it was a stag weekend in Prague etc

I don’t think you’re cynical I think you’re spot on.

People are really quick to bring bogus diagnoses in these situations but I would bet good money that there’s nothing medically wrong with him. He’s a lazy, self centred oaf who can’t be arsed and has aged prematurely because he has no interests in his life.

Honestly I would divorce him. What is the point of being married to someone who brings nothing to your life?

Sorry, I cross posted with your post about exercise. Then serious words need to be had about what he is doing to your relationship with him and his relationship with his children in the long run. Something needs to change for his sake as well as yours.

I'm in my 70s and haven't a clue either . There seems to be a medical diagnosis for every stage of life ..

Me too

@WhatADump i think this would be off putting at 23,33,43,53,63 I wouldn’t be turning the blame onto yourself .

If you have the “ick” then you have to accept that . I’d be sleeping elsewhere and why do people make the loud noises ??? Be quiet I say. People change op and maybe you’re not ready for stinky old boring man behaviour.

I have a health condition that hates me makes me tired. I couldn’t sit up to 2am these days. Your dh is making his choices that are effecting your marriage .

Mine is similar. He’s not unwell, he’s always been low energy and my children are low energy, I’m hyper and like to move, his family is like that, they stay in bed watching tv for hours, it’s learned behaviour, he hates driving after 7pm, he’s usually sitting or lying down by 7pm, he does work in a physical job 10 hours per day.
His Dad hates driving after 5pm, It is very annoying. His whole family would be in their rooms by 6pm when he lived there lying watching tv. I can’t do that.

How much I wish id been like this with my DH! His issues and refusal to address them ended up breaking me completely when I went into psychosis from stress

Did you miss the part where he lays around getting the kids to fetch things ? And he likes to game untill the early hours .
Id guess he has a bad diet and eats rubbish too “while laying on the sofa “
Hence all the breaking of wind .

Does he do any exercise? It's very hard to get started and it's easy to get into a cycle of feeling tired and shit and not wanting to move and then feeling even more tired and shit and finding it even harder to move. If he's not moving off the sofa then he's aging himself.

Advise him to see the doctor in case there's more to it (but you can't "get" someone else to do anything) and encourage any signs of activity. And get on with your own life in the meantime.

Maybe it's him that has the ick.

Have you asked him at any point how he feels about your marriage and whether you should continue it?

I’m divorced so can moan and groan as much as I want! There’s a positive.

I mean in many ways I can’t blame him, however as the other half of a romantic/sexual partnership - yes big turn off. Maybe he had lost sense of this.

Bloods, test Vitamin D and B12, folate and ferritin too.
start him on a multivitamin every day, extra points if you can get one for grumpy older men.
anyone who stays up til 2 am is going to be tired. Simple cause and effect
sounds awful.
just do the things you want to and leave him groaning on the sofa

That's interesting. I've only heard 'vagina' used to refer to the vulva on American TV shows. Must be a regional and/or generational thing.

I was going to say he needs to exercise so he some energy back but you say he’s fit.
In that case I’d be sitting him down for a chat, telling him in no uncertain terms how gross and disappointing his behaviour is, and he needs to go to the gp and have his bloods checked then buck his ideas up. It’s NOT ok to check out of family life and leave you to do all the running around. I think I’d Offer to help him get started with organising, meal prep whatever, but then the effort has to come from him.
you've currently got an extra child to look after and it’s not good enough.
I work with a couple of men like this, constantly moaning and huffing and puffing and it’s completely insufferable. One of them even takes himself off to be pub on a Saturday afternoon for some ‘quiet time’ (his wife works full time as well) I can’t imagine being married to one!

Depends which way round his attitude started from. Does he see himself as old because he is always feeling tired and lethargic (which could be medical), or is he tired because he embraces the old too much (and would likely be referring to himself as elderly at 60). The former would be more understandable, the latter would be a total turn off.

@ByQuaintAzureWasp perimenopause used to be called menopause. But technically menopause is reached when you haven’t had periods for 12 months, and then you’re in menopause for the rest of your life. Peri is the phase leading up to that where your hormones fluctuate.

@WhatADump If he’s not eating appropriately after exercising he might be depleting his glycogen reserves.

He could be very ill!

@WhatADump Please try not to judge. He obviously needs to see a Dr to get checked out. Please be aware that initial tests may not show anything so please don't judge then either. I had anaemia and could barely move. I got so many awful judgy comments pre diagnosis - that "I just needed to hit the gym etc. The more you move the more energy you have!" Actually dangerous advice.

People don't understand what exhaustion is like. I also wanted the world to go and leave me alone. I don't game but I get the escapism. I think that's a red herring. Perhaps look at the health boards and people's experience with chronic fatigue etc too.

Edit. Just saw your update about the gym. Please do look at chronic fatigue threads. People initially are sometimes still going to gym in early days but then have nothing left. I just hate people dismissing exhaustion as a mind thing when it could have a real physical cause ...

All the best.

i had exactly the same!!! If he refuses to get help you are both on different paths and will be time to make a decision as you are teaching your kids that this is how a normal relationship works and we all know it isnt.

Mine too; some evenings, I get no connection whatsoever. He does clean up after I've cooked, but often in a grumpy way. I remind myself that he's exhausted after long hours and a long commute in a pressured job which is getting more difficult and unpleasant by the month (cuts in services and staffing), but it's still lonely for me.

There’s nothing more unattractive than someone who moans!

I have noticed that couples get to an age where the kids grow up and suddenly the mum has more time/energy and wants to do more things whilst the man goes the opposite way.
I’ve actually lost count of how many times I’ve heard that happening.

I would encourage him to go and see the gp but I’d also be telling him to stop being so lazy or to stop moaning.

Yes, I would address potential lifestyle factors before heading to the GP.

It depends what he’s doing about it, if all he does is moan but doesn’t look at his diet, exercise or see a GP then I’d find him unattractive too. I cannot bear people who moan but do nothing about it. My dh can be the same but when he refuses to address things I start ignoring the comments like that. If it’s attention he doesn’t get it till he does something about it