To find H's tiredness unattractive

I think he is checking out, but wants you to become so fed up and frustrated with him that YOU decide to divorce. Then he can blame you, tell the kids how mean you are, and he STILL gets what he wants, OUT.

As for advising or encouraging this or that to help him improve his life and yours, I would say it once. You have your answer if that's totally ignored.

my ex husband was bone idle and he would happily watch me “graft”. My now husband would never watch me doing something without offering to help. In fact he would rather do the task to save me doing it. He’s come home today after another hard days work and immediately got himself showered and chivvied us all out of the house to spend the afternoon throwing stones into the sea at the beach. Some men are just built differently. Just like some women I suppose. Lazy women are just as unattractive in my opinion.

@ithinkilikethislittlelife interesting you say that - my H has a friend ( old school friend) 62- who isa perfectly ok guy and a decent dad but ever since he’s been in his mid 40s couldn’t wait to retire or be a house husband - his job was reasonably physical in bits and mixed with a lot of office stuff too - his basic problem - he was far too greedy, maybe 4 to 6 stone overweight and it had turned him into being somewhat lazy as everything felt an effort . Meals were always about quantity never quality .

I did say a bit of slack 😀 You're right though

That's completely unreasonable of him. Now I agree that he's just being useless and maybe you should decide what to do next. Because life is both very short and very long.

Tell kids to say no they absolutely aren’t his servants. Moaning and farting are both bad mannered ask him to go to the bathroom to do that. It’s very unattractive. Overall he needs a health checkup more exercise and healthy eating. Doctors will tell him that. Start going places without him go for walks visit friends. Take kids to cinema regularly.

My dh has a “hard graft” job and regularly works 70+ hours a week. He may verbalise being tired but it doest stop him being a present father to our children, helping me with whatever I need him to, doing diy around the house or just being a generally pleasant person to be around. Some people are just bone idle. It happens. And it’s thoroughly unattractive.

No, there is no way I would tolerate this, who does he think he is. As I said up thread my DH is always tired, I feel mean having compared him to your husband as he is hands on, doesn’t stop helping on the weekend (day time) bed by 7.40.
You deserve much better, it is a partnership not an agreement to raise a man-child alongside the children.
This is much deeper than mismatched energy levels.
I would kick his arse.

He's a cunt OP that was deliberate so you didn't lie in and he wouldn't have to look after the kids. An iPad is not one of life's essentials. If he couldn't find it he could have lived without it for an hour but sounds like he either didn't look or more likely knew exactly where it was and just wanted an excuse to wake you. Should have ripped into him and told him to fuck off.

Mine is like this but he is 65.it is very unattractive.
Acid reflux,tiredness,apathy heavy sighing for years
.GP told him about acid reflux cause and prescribed anti depressants.This was 3 years ago.He didn't take any advice and became angry at my attempts to pursuade him to walk or eat healthier.
Last week he had another heart scare having had a heart attack 13 yrs ago with stents.
This time was 9 hours in acute care with a battery of heart tests and blood tests.Nothing wrong but he now has been eating fruit and vegetables.
No idea why some men are unmotivated to lookafter themselves.
I do agree it's unattractive and will affect your sex life.I would tell him straight to get a GP appointment or buck up.

Why are older men SO loud? My DH is a bit older than yours and the same - getting up in the morning, you’d think there was a hippo in the room! Grunting, groaning, heavy breathing, snorting, muttering. It’s so annoying!

That'll do it! How does someone only have affairs in the daytime??

Keep on at them about a sleep study. I did, and it changed my life! He may need to be prescribed a CPAP mask. It's a bit uncomfortable for the first couple of weeks, but you soon get used to it. Ive had mine over ten years, and I dont even notice I have it on!

I knew those kids would come in handy one day! 😊

I have had the same situation before OP. We are a bit younger but still he was overweight and just not intersted in anything. I told him i love him but no way on earth would I sleep with him in that state... funnily enough he joined the gym and sorted his s**t out! Funny that! Maybe he just needs a rocket up his arse and if nothing changes, go find your own happiness life is too short.

get a blood pressure monitor. You can buy on Amazon

The word you want is "lazy".

I don't want to image what he's doing on the phone on bed without you. Ugh!

Fatigue alongside the farting and hiccups is worth a Drs visit.
I lost my husband aged 48 yrs to bowel cancer ,i wish i had seen his gp when he had hiccups ,farting and fatigue ,it may have saved his life.

Because he's a bit farty? My husband would be at the surgery all the time if that warranted an appointment. It's usually worth addressing lifestyle factors first before popping to the surgery

You say it's not medical - but mental health is a medical issue, too. Try and get him to the GP first and the Dr will check him over, blood tests etc. Men may also suffer from anaemia or thyroid problems which can cause tiredness etc. Try and get him out for a walk, anything in the fresh air. No good waiting for him to shift himself, as many, many women have found, you will have to "motivate" him somehow.

It sounds like he just wants to lie around and game all night, I think there's a much higher chance that's the case rather than him having an undiagnosed disease. He might be less tired if he didn't stay up til 2am?

My ex was always falling asleep on the sofa, in bed by 9pm, no interest in anything. Turns out having multiple affairs and living a double life during the work day is quite tiring!!!