To not be interested in a relation ho with my sister?

Well done for maintaining your boundaries in the face of that!

I’ve distanced myself from a difficult birth family myself. I care about them, but their choices are their own.

I was the capable, dependable one. Very high expectations of me, very little of anyone else. And boy did them come down on my head if I occasionally didn’t live up to what was wanted.

You sound thoughtful and wise as well as caring. Good luck xx

They are just on the hunt for someone else to look after their kid for free so they don’t have to. First his parents and now you. I would have nothing to do with this as boundaries will just be pushed and pushed especially since everyone else seems to enable this guy.

Maybe a mantra might be helpful in not getting sucked into all this. I use "not my circus, not my monkeys" but find what fits for you.

Don't give in to their requests , I think you should put yourself first . Your grandparents will get over you going completely no contact and I think your sister will come to see why you aren't in touch with your father when she gets older .

Me too , you were parenting your brothers because he was useless and I bet nothing has changed . I'd be low contact

Yeah- but you've spent your whole entire life being the better person.

I have noticed consistently over my decades on this earth that everyone tiptoes around the most difficult person in the room- and it's everyone else who is expected to behave and keep the peace whereas the tossers get away with murder.

I agree with this. Your dad sounds like a chaotic person at best and its the children who bear the brunt of that.

Boundaries boundaries. And if he seriously thinks he can emotionally blackmail you by calling you selfish i would think about enforcing very strict boundaries regarding him as well.

Your dad is awful. What's his wife like?

I think you should not cut your nose off to spite your face regarding your sister. It's not going to be a typical sibling relationship but could be more like a niece? She's the innocent here.

I am probably biased as my DC would do anything to know their half sisters... Who have shunned them completely.

Who is criticizing you?

You sound like a wonderful person and you’ve done enough.

Please now take time for yourself and focus on your own family. I think you really deserve this.

I missed this.

What a mess.

She says their suggestions of bonding are all the type where she’d take the baby and look after her. She also says there was a risk the baby get removed, so mum may easily be quite happy with the op playing mum.

‘Sorry dad I’m a bit busy supporting your sons that you’ve pretty much abandoned but great to hear you’re a better dad now to this little girl.’

I don’t really want to play mum in any way,

Has anyone actually asked you to look after or babysit her? I highly doubt the child’s mother wants you to play mum in any way either.

No she didn't ask to be born, but you didn't ask for her to be born either! That was down to the choices and actions of her parents.

Your useless father is just after a free babysitter. It is disgraceful that as a child you were made to assume responsibility for two little boys. You didn't have any choice then, but you do now! She is not remotely your responsibility, so you should not feel guilty. She has two parents that can look after her.

Maybe later when she is older you can form some sort of relationship with her if you want to, but for now keep your distance and get on with your own life as you see fit.

And I can't believe your dad has the cheek to complain about your lack of interest in your half sister when he shows no interest at all in his sons! I would point that out to him next time he starts whingeing.

You dad used you and parentified you to take care of your brothers.

Now he just is trying to see if a guilt trip will work so you'll do the same for his 1 year old.

He's a deadbeat. He doesn't see your brothers. I'd match his energy. He guilts you about the baby, guilt him about making you your brothers' defacto parent and him not seeing them anymore. He'll soon shut his deadbeat piehole.

It might be time to consider going no contact with him if your relationship consist of him trying to use you.

You are not obligated to care for any child that you did not bring into this world or actively choose to care for.

So, do you. Be distant and make further decisions about your relationship with your sister down the line.

She isn’t your responsibility. You feel that she is because you’re caring, but you should be your own priority. You have chosen not to have children as you don’t want that responsibility (understandably).

I don’t think you need to make a great statement about it, but just be extremely busy during the next four or five years (which by the sounds of it you are) then pop up and offer a bit more face time when your little sister is more enjoyable to be around and that time spent with her is actually positive not just you ending doing more free labour for your father

you’re absolutely right to have clear boundaries - but you don’t need to jeopardise a potentially warm future relationship by being explicit about them. Just make yourself unavailable without saying you “won’t” do it

Who are you being shot down and criticised by? Not that it matters, if your father chooses to have children generations apart that's his choice and you are not obligated to have a relationship with the new child, especially when he has treated you poorly in the past. What about your father's obligation to you as your parent? If you had a child do you think your dad would be interested and helpful. You have done enough for your dad and his wayward parenting, including overlooking his poor parenting of you, you don't need to do anything

Can I recommend the book that always gets recommended? 😆 Adult children of emotionally immature parents by Lindsay C Gibson. Its excellent, and gives practical tips for managing relationships. She does a lot of podcasts so you can 'try before you buy' to see if it rings bells for you. Acceptance and commitment therapy is excellent for 'unhooking' from unhelpful thoughts such as 'this is my responsibility'. Google Russ Harris and defusion techniques for ideas.