Page 9 | Is this cheating, would you forgive this?

Meg878o · 2026-01-29T19:45:52+00:00

Husband was dismissed from work a month ago and has now been sacked following a full investigation. Reason being that he said sexually inappropriate words at work, derogatory jokes, he was in a team leader position, saying to his workmates that customers were 'fit' and had nice boobs etc, commenting on their bodies in general, telling female workmates that they're attractive and in good shape. Would appreciate any views on this?

neverbeenskiing · 30/01/2026 10:34

It may not technically be "cheating" but it absolutely is a betrayal. He has shown a lack of respect for you and for your marriage vows as he has repeatedly failed to take responsibility for addressing not only his disgusting behaviour, but the impact of that behaviour on you and the life you share.

I've read your other threads and this is not the first time he has compromised the financial security and stability of your family by refusing to exercise any self control and rein in his vile, misogynist behaviour. He is not going to change.

People do not get sacked for gross misconduct over a couple of comments and you know this. It has been pointed out to you many times across multiple threads. You need to accept that he is not telling you the full truth about what has transpired at work. He probably never will.

You need to accept that he's not the person you thought he was. Walk away, it'll only get worse.

Original poster

Meg878o · 30/01/2026 10:34

Happyjoe · 30/01/2026 10:11

I thought sounded familiar. It's the same person? Ahh.

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Sorry yes it is me, I’m in absolute turmoil to be honest and have no one to talk to. We spent a week apart over Xmas then I let him back for the sake of our children as I’m not sure I can bring myself to obliterate their world…but I am feeling worse and worse, I can’t bear him touching me etc etc. I don’t know what to do

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goldylock · 30/01/2026 10:32

Of course he's going to down play it, OP. "banter with the lads" etc.

Of course he is, because it then devoids him of responsibility. If you down play it also, it reinforces to him that this is ok. That his behaviour towards those women, and towards you, is ok.

In the psychology world, he's betrayed himself first and foremost. You can't force someone to acknowledge wrong doings and for them to change. Only he can do that, himself.

tinytinyviolin · 30/01/2026 10:26

I agree that from what you’ve said it’s not cheating but if someone is willing to behave like that, then who knows what else he’s done.

However, even if he’s never crossed a line in terms of cheating, I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who has that attitude towards women and thinks gross and lecherous ‘banter’ is ok. I don’t like laddy blokes and geezer chat so it would be over for me.

Princessoflitchenstein · 30/01/2026 10:23

Swaytheboat · 29/01/2026 19:46

I wouldn't class it as cheating but he's clearly a total lech. So probably still a deal-breaker.

This. I would absolutely divorce him over this.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 30/01/2026 10:22

TBH I’d wonder about his level of intelligence if he really thought this sort of talk was acceptable at work.

BookArt55 · 30/01/2026 10:20

So he is still not accepting responsibility? Still doesn't see his behaviour as inappropriate? That makes it worse. If he felt remorseful you might be able to move on. His behaviours aren't banter- but he still can't see it despite a full investigation and being fired ..so there is no changing him. Yuck.

GhostMutt · 30/01/2026 10:14

ScreamingInfidelities · 29/01/2026 19:53

This is about the third time I’ve read this exact story on mn in the last few months.

Yeah, I was thinking the same.

Happyjoe · 30/01/2026 10:14

Meg878o · 30/01/2026 10:08

Thank you for your message, he’d been in that job for like 17years. A girl he worked with raised it as it made her feel uncomfortable, he was quite tactile with her, then an investigation was done and all his colleagues interviewed and confirmed that he said disgusting sexual words and commented on other people’s bodies in a sexual way

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Having been a young girl in the office and having this from someone higher up, I say your husband is a horrible sleazeball and I am glad he lost his job. Perhaps he will learn to reel it in. Nobody in this day and age of awareness should make someone else feel so uncomfortable and nobody should sexually harass. Yuck.

CandiedPrincess · 30/01/2026 10:13

It's not cheating but it would give me a massive ick that would be hard to recover from.

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/01/2026 10:12

Not technically cheating but it’s irrelevant: it’s the behaviour of a misogynist prick. He’s sexually harassed colleagues and lost his job as a result.

You know you can’t get past this.

Happyjoe · 30/01/2026 10:11

ColdAsAWitches · 29/01/2026 19:54

You've been asking the same question here every week for over a month now. And you keep getting the same responses. What do you think is going to change?

I thought sounded familiar. It's the same person? Ahh.

Original poster

Meg878o · 30/01/2026 10:08

JustAnotherWhinger · 30/01/2026 09:56

This is exactly what he’s doing, saying it’s just innocent banter. But I can’t get my head around why he’d be sacked for gross misconduct if that’s the case

He wouldn't be sacked for innocent banter. Logically you know that - it's hard to get your head round something surprising and out of character so use logic.

How long had he been in his job? It sounded from your previous post that it was quite a while - was it longer than two years?
They've had to go through a process to sack him - why would they do that for innocent banter?

Thank you for your message, he’d been in that job for like 17years. A girl he worked with raised it as it made her feel uncomfortable, he was quite tactile with her, then an investigation was done and all his colleagues interviewed and confirmed that he said disgusting sexual words and commented on other people’s bodies in a sexual way

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JustAnotherWhinger · 30/01/2026 09:56

This is exactly what he’s doing, saying it’s just innocent banter. But I can’t get my head around why he’d be sacked for gross misconduct if that’s the case

He wouldn't be sacked for innocent banter. Logically you know that - it's hard to get your head round something surprising and out of character so use logic.

How long had he been in his job? It sounded from your previous post that it was quite a while - was it longer than two years?
They've had to go through a process to sack him - why would they do that for innocent banter?

Thundertoast · 30/01/2026 09:48

OP, you can just say to him and everyone else 'I just dont look at you the same way anymore. The fact you felt the need to say stuff like that, when you knew full well that 'banter' at work needs to be approached carefully, and you are more than capable of not doing it, just makes me see a side of you I cant get past. Its killed the attraction to you and it would be wrong of me to pretend to you otherwise.'

Original poster

Meg878o · 30/01/2026 09:42

CheeseItOn · 29/01/2026 20:13

It's not a question of Cheating.

He's been determined to be a predator.

Do you want to be with a predator? Do you want to introduce him as "my boyfriend, the predator." Do you want him to touch you? Talk around your kids like that? Minimise it as banter?

This is exactly what he’s doing, saying it’s just innocent banter. But I can’t get my head around why he’d be sacked for gross misconduct if that’s the case

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Original poster

Meg878o · 30/01/2026 09:41

Thundertoast · 30/01/2026 09:36

If your own brain, if your family members, if he himself is telling you that you need to forgive him because its not cheating, your answer is 'There is no point in staying together because the idea of staying with someone who is that stupid makes my skin crawl'

Thank you, I know…and it does. He said it’s just lads banter, no intent or anything. I don’t know if I should be more chill about it but everything in my being says not to be

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Doranottheexplorer · 30/01/2026 09:40

It's not cheating but it is gross.

Original poster

Meg878o · 30/01/2026 09:39

justpassmethemouse · 29/01/2026 20:15

Not cheating but what a jerk. Has he done anything like this before?

No never, that’s why it’s come as such a shock. We’ve been together 15 years and have children together. He’s been in the same job since we met hence why I don’t understand it. The only vague thing I can think of that he’s done before is I found porn pictures on his phone and we had a massive argument over it. He said his friend sent it to him but I don’t know whether to believe that, this incident was about 6 years ago though now

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Thundertoast · 30/01/2026 09:36

If your own brain, if your family members, if he himself is telling you that you need to forgive him because its not cheating, your answer is 'There is no point in staying together because the idea of staying with someone who is that stupid makes my skin crawl'

Original poster

Meg878o · 30/01/2026 09:36

Lambington · 29/01/2026 20:23

Whats YOUR view OP? Thats the only one that matters.

My view is that it’s completely unacceptable. I guess I’m just looking for reassurance that I’m not overreacting. Friends I’ve spoken to say that that wouldn’t end things for them but I have a history of trust issues from past partners cheating on me. How am I ever meant to move forward from this. I feel so betrayed and disrespected but we have children together, I don’t know what’s best to do for them

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Original poster

Meg878o · 30/01/2026 09:33

Pinkissmart · 29/01/2026 21:15

You can dump someone for many many other reasons than if they have put their penis inside someone else.

This is one of those reasons. Your husband is disgusting, and he grossly betrayed you and your relationship

Exactly how I feel, so betrayed. He doesn’t see it like that though. Thinks it’s just ‘lads banter’ and that he’s not done anything wrong as he’s not cheated

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Original poster

Meg878o · 30/01/2026 09:32

Exactly how I feel, so betrayed. He doesn’t see it like that though. Thinks it’s just ‘lads banter’ and that he’s not done anything wrong as he’s not cheated

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Original poster

Meg878o · 30/01/2026 09:31

Pumpkinmagic · 29/01/2026 19:48

It’s not cheating but I wouldn’t want to be with someone who behaved like this. How embarrassing. Has this come completely out of the blue that he talks and behaves like this?

Yes it’s literally come completely out of the blue, I would never in a billion years had said that he’d behave like this

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Pinkissmart · 29/01/2026 21:15

You can dump someone for many many other reasons than if they have put their penis inside someone else.

This is one of those reasons. Your husband is disgusting, and he grossly betrayed you and your relationship