Is this cheating, would you forgive this?

Not cheating, just repulsive and pathetic. How could you want to sleep with someone so slimy and ridiculous?

For christs sake girl, end it. What are you DOING?
what he did was worse than cheating. He’s a disgusting perve and sexually harassed someone. It wasn’t “lads bants” if he was speaking directly to females. And I’m telling you with certainty he was doing his absolute best to cheat on you. But nobody would give the pathetic saddo a second glance. How embarrassing.
Your kids will be fine, I wouldn’t want them living with such a horrible role model anyway.

Bleurgh I wouldn't like it and wouldn't want to be with him.

I’m not clear if you believe he was wrong there?

I used to work with a bloke who was ‘tactile’. He never said anything particularly inappropriate but was very touchy with the women in the office who were almost all younger than him. Touching your arm, hand lingering too long on your back if he needed to move past you. Hand on shoulder if he came to your desk. I can still remember the shudder I used to feel now and this was a long time ago. Wish I’d stood up to him like that 17 year old has. Good on her!

That’s who you need to raise your children to be.

I don’t think it’s cheating, but the fact he even said those things and doesn’t see that it’s entirely inappropriate is weird and creepy so personally I couldn’t find someone like this remotely attractive

Not sure how to vote because it isn’t cheating, but it is sleazy.

I wouldn’t think it was cheating, but it would make me wonder what the hell kind of man I’d married. It would seriously give me enough ick to want to end things.

The fact that he doesn't think or know what he did was wrong makes it worse imo. He has zero respect for women, he's disgusting. If he doesn't understand how behaving like that towards women is wrong then there is zero hope of him ever changing. Especially given how old he must be.
Unfortunately there is no perfect solution where your kids aren't impacted by his behaviour. He either stays and they grow up influenced by his horrendous attitude towards women or he goes and they deal with your separation.
I know which I'd choose

The tactile is touching her on the arm when talking to her, apparently it made her uncomfortable

He hasn't been sacked for touching someone's arm once or twice.

Have you seen the full paperwork for the investigation? You keep saying apparently - have you seen or heard anything other than from him?

We have both, no absolutely not but obviously they don’t and never will know the details, I’m going to be the bad guy if I end it, they’re going to blame me

That is only the case if you let it be.

They may not need to know the intricate details, but taking the blame for him will not benefit your children in any way.

"Mum and Dad very much disagreed over an adult issue so cannot live together anymore. We both love you very much and that will not change"

Then if he starts playing the pity card and badmouthing you then you keep it age appropriate, but keep the line of it being that you are incompatible to live together.

You should also be prepared to explain it in an age appropriate way in case there is a day one of them comes home and says "mum, Maisie and Evan at school said dad doesn't work for xcompany anymore because he's a perv?"

Was going to add, you keep mentioning that you will disrupt the kids etc.

But he's done that, OP. Not you.

Kids will thrive if they see their mam happy.

You've to be ready tho that he is someone who doesn't take responsibility for his actions and he will fling it at you. Also, finally, you only know what he's telling you, which isn't an accurate account. You can be sure he's down played it.

Best indicator of future behaviour is past and current behaviour. By sounds of it, you've emotionally removed yourself from him already.

Gross. Divorce this lechbag

Did you use the word "tactile" hoping no one would notice? He's been touching a young woman as well as saying inappropriate unwanted things.
Get rid of the vile creep. He's being disrespectful to you as well as the women he's been harassing. He doesn't even understand what He's done wrong even though you and his former work have told him.

You will devastate your children more staying in a relationship where you’re unhappy and disgusted by your partner. He was creeping all over a 17 year old, he’s not a good guy and will likely do this again.

He's lying. No one gets sacked for a few comments. The truth will be much worse.

You are not the one changing your children's world if you divorce him over this.

He has already changed their world with his actions.

Do you want your children growing up thinking this behaviour is ok? That, if they are boys, they are entitled to treat women this way or if they are girls that this is what they have to put up with?

Thank you for your message, he’d been in that job for like 17years. A girl he worked with raised it as it made her feel uncomfortable, he was quite tactile with her, then an investigation was done and all his colleagues interviewed and confirmed that he said disgusting sexual words and commented on other people’s bodies in a sexual way

17 years.

Imagine the bravery it must have taken for her to raise a complaint against such a long standing member of staff.

And how many people would have been of the "oh that's just Dave/Steve/Pete, you know what he's like..."

Women downplay sexual harassment, especially in the workplace. He was so bad that she complained, they took it seriously enough to investigate, and he was so bad that other people backed her complaint to the point that a staff member of 17 years was sacked. He wasn't even given the "look mate, you need to resign now..." favour that a lot of men get. That actually went the full hog.

Nobody sacks anyone they've employed for 17 years lightly.

Not cheating but really grim behaviour I wouldn’t personally be able to forgive.