Is this cheating, would you forgive this?

Whatever he thinks in his own head and own time is up to him but not an attitude to be displayed or voiced in public.
It’s up to you whether you can move forward together knowing what he thinks.

Many on here are quick to say chuck in the towel on relationships. But would they?

Has he otherwise been a decent dad and DH?
Have you noticed his inappropriate attitude in front of the children?
Has his character changed recently.
Could he be mentally unwell?

Could a hard line be that he seeks counselling or you end the marriage?
All the best OP 💐

OP, you don’t need permission to find this unacceptable, and there is no official index or tick box scale that makes something a deal breaker in your marriage or not.

And certainly not any definition or threshold as decided by your H.

YOUR thoughts and feelings are what count.

He is a disgusting sexist perve. And he has let his family down very badly by losing his job and income.

’Lads banter’ is not an acceptable defence, and how on earth could it be possible in a mixed environment? ‘Tactile’ … have you seen the testimony? And would anyone be happy to know that as a customer your H was Leering at them and assessing their bodies ? Maybe he did it to your friends. Your friends’ daughters.

And the fact that he is doubling down and blaming others is despicable.

Personally I couldn’t be in the house with him.

I am very sorry you have found yourself in this position, and sorry for your children. But you can manage in your own and with care your children will be ok.

He sounds awful. Ask him how he'd feel if someone talked about his daughter like that.

It doesn’t matter if HE thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong and it’s just “banter”. YOU feel betrayed and disgusted (quite rightly) by what he’s done - that’s what’s relevant.

Of course it’s not cheating! The use of inappropriate language, making jokes etc may well be grounds for dismissal, but I don’t understand how that could be classed as cheating.

You've posted about this multiple times now.

Your husband is vile. He's a misogynist lech who makes women feel uncomfortable and is also fucking stupid, because he should have been well aware that his behaviour would get him sacked.

You've also missed out a detail that you included in your previous posts, which was that he was overly touchy-feely with a much, much younger female colleague.

Either leave him or don't, but repeatedly posting on Mumsnet asking whether being a pervy old creep to younger women at work counts as 'cheating' is a waste of your time. Decide for yourself whether you want to live with a horrible man or not, it's up to you.

The only possibility of staying with this sleazebag would be if he took responsibility for his behaviour and was determined to change. That hasn’t happened so no, I wouldn’t forgive him. Him being forgiven by you would mean understanding what he did that was wrong and fully acknowledging the harm he did to his female work colleagues.

It’s time to accept that this is who he is and who he will always be.

Personally, I think it's worse than cheating. There are lots of reasons a person might cheat (it's not as black and white as many on MN like to pretend) but this behaviour, and his excuses for it, demonstrate that he's a fundamentally unacceptable person.

Putting cheating on such a high pedestal just leads to questions like the OP's, and excuses like her husband's. Instead of looking at the actual issue - that this man is an entitled, raging misogynist - they are nitpicking over the precise definition of infidelity. It's not relevant.

Does it matter how he sees it?! It's how you see it that matters. Disgusting pervert that he is how can you even think about staying with him! He's been sacked for his behaviour.

Not cheating but I would give him a slap and tell him to grow up.

How would he feel if you were out and suddenly bit your lip and said 'phwoar, look at the arse on that, mm' or told his best mate he was looking really fit and felt his muscly arm.

It sounds like he has been dismissed for sexual harassment. Why would you stay with him?

Will get flamed here BUT

Your feelings are of course valid OP, he's hardly covered himself in glory and his behaviour isn't okay.

That said, I think there is a difference between if someone felt threatened or assaulted by him, or if he was just being sleazy and someone took offence. If the latter, I'm not saying it's okay, but honestly imo there are worse things. I think lots of men make these sorts of comments with their friends, and your husband has been unlucky / stupid in saying it to the wrong person. The women in my office objectify men all the time too, so I don't think it's exclusively men, but human nature to a certain extent. One of the baser parts.

He has certainly been disrespectful of you by being openly lecherous (although again, I doubt these sorts of comments are that uncommon between friends), but no, he hasn't cheated.

I think a big part of how I reacted, would be down to his reaction. Sorry though, the whole thing sounds really bleak and unnecessary.

Yeah, that is unacceptable. We have come a long way since I was a teen in terms of people’s bodily autonomy. We don’t touch people without their consent and certainly not strangers. (Obviously romantic couples will have their own agreed boundaries).

Why will they never know the details? You’re taking a bullet for him to the point where it will affect the relationship you have with your kids? Tell them EXACTLY why you’ve ended it in an age appropriate way. If they’re teens I wouldn’t sugar coat it at all. Your sons need to know this is gross behaviour and your daughters need to know it’s never acceptable to be treated like this.
I honestly can’t believe you’re STILL hand wringing over this and posting on mn. At this point I honestly think you want someone to tell you his behaviour is ok to justify staying with him. I can’t think of any other reason you’re repeatedly posting the same thread. Baffling.

Is that all you’re concerned about?

I hate it when this sort of crap is dismissed as lads banter.
Last summer we went to a seaside resort cafe with a couple of my husbands mates.
The waitress who was only about 18 was very pretty/had a nice figure. The Leary comments coming out of these 50 year old men’s mouths were gross and I told them so.
They all seemed genuinely shocked at my disgust because to them it’s normal lad banter.
But to that teenage girl it’s probably another day where she had to spend her entire shift knowing men old enough to be her dad are trying to see her cleavage.
You’d think this sort of nonsense would have died out by now but it hasn’t, so well done to your boyfriends work place for taking it seriously.
To answer your post I don’t think it’s cheating and I wouldn’t feel betrayed I just wouldn’t want to share a life with a man who behaved in this way.

It’s inappropriate in general
It’s even more inappropriate at work
I wouldn’t say it was cheating but you must know he is like this and comments on other women and for me, that’s not the kind of person I’d want to be with.

he's a sleazy perv who doesn't see anything wrong with being a sleazy perv. instead he's feeling sorry for himself because he thinks it was just bantz but the snowflakes at work did him wrong.

bet he'd feel differently if he heard someone doing this to his daughter, but tossers like this are usually hypocrites.

if you stay with him you are telling your children that his carrying on is acceptable. on a personal note how would you ever want to share a bed or be intimate with him again?

Oh OP. I am sorry you are going through this.

Your use of 'apparently' sounds as though you think that this woman is making a fuss about nothing.

I bet that every single woman in your husband's workplace was aware of your sleazy and disgusting husband's unwanted sexual behaviour. As he is obviously downplaying what he did, I would imagine that the 'touching' was even worse than what he has told you and that every woman at his work was repulsed by him.

In answer to your first question I'd say cheating no, deal breaker yes. Creepy git.

But for this bit - it wouldn't be you who was disrupting your children's lives, it's him and his behaviour. You and they deserve better.

I wouldn't say cheating as such but his attitude towards women is not acceptable. In this day and age he should know not to say stuff like that, and especially in the work place. I started work in the 70s and it was absolutely rife back then, including groping, the whole lot. I never thought to report it, I just thought it was what men did. I probably thought this because as an 11 year old new to high school a male prefect who was on dinner duty picked me up and body slammed me to the ground. When I complained to the headmaster his response was "oh well he probably doesnt know his own strength " 😡

So he hasn't learned his lesson and still thinks that this is appropriate behaviour in the workplace and that he has been treated unfairly? He is a sex pest and will probably have received verbal and written warnings before his employer moved to dismissal, unless what he did was so awful that he was immediately dismissed for gross misconduct.

He sounds utterly repulsive and you have said that you can't bear it when he touches you. I'm not surprised. He is an utterly terribly role model for his children and he isn't safe to be around women, so I think that separating would be the best solution all round.

It's not cheating but I also wouldn't find it acceptable for my husband to do that and I would end it with him.

I would forgive things I can reconcile with who I believe my husband to be. That could, under some circumstances, forgive cheating.

I could not forgive someone treating women this way, or sexually harassing colleagues. I've worked with men like this, I was directly involved in getting one dismissed. The jokes aren't harmless