Is this cheating, would you forgive this?

This would really bother me - that he still can't see he's done anything wrong and is blaming others for stitching him up.

Without remorse or self awareness, he will not change

Yeah this is gross. It's not cheating but it would give me the ick enough to not want to be with Mr Pervy for a second longer.

Yes, he's clearly been stitched up. You can't say anything these days without someone taking offence. The poor man. All he did was commit gross misconduct, upset loads of people and lose his long-held job, he's the real victim here.

If his sleazy manhandling of young women wasn't enough to make you walk away from him in disgust, perhaps the fact that he thinks you're stupid enough to swallow this bullshit might be.

I suspect there is a lot more to it than touching someone’s arm. And the fact all his colleagues didn’t defend him means they all think he’s a disgusting lech

It’s grim. I couldn’t forgive that level of sleaziness.

No, he’s not cheating BUT he is being a total knob! His behaviour is nothing short of sexual harassment and he must stop!

You can't be stitched up if you've done nothing wrong. He's a disgusting man.

Is he addicted to porn? You said you’d found some on his phone a while ago. I’d bet there is even more of it somewhere on his devices. He’s now viewing and treating women as sex objects; he has no respect for the dignity of his female colleagues. How low he has sunk. And how much further will he go to get his kicks. Staying with him will just make you miserable.

Please keep reminding yourself that it’s not you who has messed up here. It’s all down to him.

I know it must be scary, thinking about solo parenting, paying the bills alone etc. But you will have so much respect for yourself and your kids will know you’ve made tough decisions for their benefit.

Your children deserve parents who model proper values such as personal responsibility, boundaries, respect for other people, respect for the law, and keeping promises (marriage vows, employment contract).

You rugswept his behaviour after a few days. Letting him come back just enables his attitudes and teaches your kids that his predatory behaviour with other women is ok. You've modeled being a doormat to enable a misogynist who got fired from a job of 17 years his behaviour was so unacceptable. That's the model of relationship and marriage they will likely repeat.

A girl he worked with raised it as it made her feel uncomfortable, he was quite tactile with her,

A girl? How old was she? And quite tactile means he had his hand on her. He gets physically grabby.

What are you going to do when your kids are teens and he sexually harasses one of your teen's friends or girlfriends?

If you have sons, is this the kind of banter you want modelled to them when they're older and you're not around?

If you have daughters, is this the kind of man you want them to put on the kind of pedestal that many girls place their fathers on?

A split will break their hearts. Hearts heal.

Being around entitled toxic masculinity will shape their characters and expectations of what being a man looks like, and that lasts a lifetime.

It’s not cheating but it’s grim 🤢

Not cheating. Sexual harassment, with a side order of misogyny.

I could possibly forgive cheating, depending on the context. I could not forgive harassment and a sustained pattern of casual misogyny and objectification.

Sorry, OP.

@Meg878o how can he think he’s not done anything wrong when he’s been dismissed from his job. What he’s done is gross misconduct and he got fired. Hardly fits the definition of ‘done nothing wrong’ does it.

Is he stupid as well as a sex pest?

No, it's not cheating but it is totally unacceptable. It would give me such an ick I would absolutely bin him off.

Sleazy disgusting behaviour which isn't of itself cheating but it wouldn't exactly be unusual for a man like this to cheat.

Put him in the bin.

Not cheating but that doesn't mean its forgivable behaviour. Yuck..poor women.

Infidelity is something that can sometimes be worked through, dependent on circumstances.
I just couldn't be with a man like this full stop.

I wouldn’t say it was cheating but it would be a total deal breaker.

Why would you want to be married to a slimy disgusting lech like him? 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

You can’t drag it out much longer can you? Just end it and move on.

@Meg878o what do the notes say from the investigation and disciplinary?

They will be detailed. Can you find the paper or digital copy and read it all.

Does he explain who stitched him up? Why?

Grim.
My DP's respect for women is one of the things I adore about him.

Not cheating but disgusting behaviour.

And he might not have cheated but only because no one wanted him because he is so sleazy ,I bet if the opportunity arose he would be like a rat up a drainpipe……

I hope you don’t have teenage daughters OP, the thought of a father making such sexually inappropriate remarks reminds me of the behaviour of Andrew MB when his daughters were of an age of the trafficked girl/s he assaulted.

Sexual harrassment, every office seems to have 'that' guy, would be game over for me

I wouldn't class it as cheating. But. How would you feel if your daughter worked in that workplace? He's a disgraceful example to your kids. It would be a dealbreaker for me. This is who he is

It’s not cheating but it’s absolutely embarrassing he’s lost his job over it. Why the hell is he not more professional?!

Worse than cheating in that he's a sex pest towards many people. I'd understand a fling based on mutual attraction and consent over this vile behaviour. He sounds unsafe.