Is this cheating, would you forgive this?

Spot the man on the thread who engages in this type of “lads banter”.

If I found out dh (been together 20 years) had done that it’d be over bc I simply wouldn’t be able to look at him the same way again. I’d lose all respect and wonder exactly who I’d been with all these years.

Gross.

Not cheating, I actually take a different view to most. Does he struggle socially & tries to be abit of a comedic figure? It sounds like he’s trying to be playful and a little flirty. Not something you can get away with especially when wielding any type of power

I could forgive him and move past it, as long as he signed the divorce papers.
What an idiot you are living with.

I’m sorry but any man who uses the term lads banter belongs in the bin. Your husband is disgusting.

No. No. No. HE caused this, not you.

Think of a future conversation with your children. In 30 years time would they thank you for staying with their Father for all those years when he was a known sleeze, being so dismissive of your hurt and just an all round knob? Or would they have wished you'd be strong enough to leave, even if that meant them having divorced parents? Come on, you know the answer. Be strong.

I’m cringing reading responses like this. What does being an idiot mean?? “Oh silly man, boys will be boys”. He sexually harassed someone. I’m lease let’s not minimise this!

Sounds like he was trying to groom her. If she had been interested he may well have cheated.

How old are your kids? Sorry if you've mentioned already on this or your previous threads, but I haven't picked up their ages. If you think they're old/mature enough to understand what his actions mean, I think you should tell them what he's done and why he's not at work anymore. Their reaction might help you make your decision. If you don't think they're old or mature enough to hear the truth yet, tell them when you think they're ready.

I appreciate you are trying to decide what's best for your children and that makes this decision so difficult. Realistically if you leave him he's just going to get to spend time with them unsupervised where you can't call him out for inappropriate behaviour.

Tell him you have the ick and you're not interested in having a sexual relationship with him anymore. Sex is evidently important to him so hopefully he'll leave you soon enough off his own accord and it's a win win for you - he goes and you're not the bad guy for initiating the split.

There is no pre-set bar he has to reach before you're allowed to leave him. It doesn't have to officially qualify as cheating before you can decide you want out. It's like you're looking for permission off us, as to whether you're allowed to end things. Of course you're allowed to end it. It doesn't matter if I think he's a dick (I do) or 5 or 20 or 150 or 3000 of us think you should leave. YOU are allowed to say that YOU want to leave. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It's your choice you are free to decide on. He doesn't get to decide. We don't. A counsellor doesn't. YOU are the one, for whatever reason, who is allowed to say you want out. It doesn't matter whether it qualifies as cheating on HIS book, this is about you, and whether you can stand sharing a bed, home, and life with him for the rest of your life.

I know a large portion of your worry is about your children. Do you want your Daughter to hear "Fwoar look at the tits on that" when she's leaves a room at work?. No.... So why do you have to stay in a marriage with the same sort of arsehole that your Daughter would be thoroughly repulsed by if she had to work with one? He can still be a father. He can still have a positive effect on her life, hopefully he can still be a good role model, as a Father if nothing else. He can be the best Father on the planet. But that doesn't for a second mean you have to be his wife.

Leaving won't be easy. But the sooner you get started, the sooner you can start to make your own little life, and your own path away from this, and you can build yourself a strong robust future away from the scummy perv.

Be strong. It won't be easy, but you can do it. Xx

Don’t think I could forgive him for being an idiot.

I wouldn't say it was cheating however it isn't acceptable behaviour and is rather disgusting to be honest. Only you can decide the next steps OP. Maybe sit down and talk to him about it and how it has made you feel then go from there?

Not cheating but definitely not someone I could be married to. I’m sorry.

Not to be that person but on a practical level my brother lost his job due to gross misconduct and has now been out of work for a year. Has your husband got a job yet?

I think you posted when he was first suspended? Because this is very familiar, wasn’t he complementing her on her earrings and touching her hair, then making personal comments about customers?!
Im glad the woman at work called him out on it and her colleagues backed her up, she is very young and it would have taken a lot of guts to stand up and say something.
It’s not cheating, it’s worse in a way…. He has constantly made derogatory/sexualised comments about the women he comes in to contact with, he’s stomping all over personal boundaries and is making potentially more vulnerable people feel really uncomfortable.
Bluntly he is a total sleaze, it’s not banter and I’m not sure I could forgive and forget that he made a 17 year old feel so uncomfortable and thought it was ok to discuss female customers bodies…
Someone who is so inappropriate at work must show similar in their home life/friendship groups. You don’t go to work and suddenly start being a perv…
I guess it just depends on how you feel about his ‘banter’, most people would be mortified if they had overstepped not just shrug it off and say people are overreacting etc

@Meg878o

If he's been "stitched up" is he putting in a claim for unfair dismissal?

Not cheating but I would fuck him off immediately yuk deal breaker for me

I think its fair to say that most of us are familiar with the old days of being groped in clubs and over friendly men at work, putting their arms around us, flirting, emailing. All stuff we didn't want. And we all know how shit it felt and we never felt able to speak up. Its how it was and the problem with youth and being a girl and not wanting to make a fuss.

So I think the person/s reporting this have been so so brave. And I think you should try hard to remember how awful it was to be in that situation. Noone reports it lightly and he isn't even sorry. He's sorry he's facing a consequence.

Well of course he would say that. Men like him never think they've done anything wrong.

He isn't sitting around thinking "oh fuck, I've clearly been an absolute prick to loads of people, theyve been going home with knots in their stomach with upset and stress and worry about speaking up and so i feel really ashamed of myself. I'm going to really feel my embarrassment and reflect on how to make amends and change."

No. They sit around minimising and deflecting and getting angry at anyone who challenges their entitlement to "bants" or their job or disrupts their home life, because why should they face any consequence for boys being boys.

All I can say is that if you have kids, one day you'll need to be accountable to them if you've stuck by him.

I'm really sorry he's pulled you into having to out your family on the line and decide whether you condone and accept behaviour from men like him.

So it wasn’t just comments. “Being quite tactile” means he was touching her up. Grim.

Your husband has been making sexual comments about customers - which would be reason enough for a company to sack someone. However, your husband was making sexual comments to work colleagues too. A colleague complained, and once others were interviewed, they confirm what the complainant said and much more.

It sounds to me that your husband made comments frequently, and because he's a Team Leader, no one wanted to complain, in case it backfired on them. It took one brave woman to step forward, and suddenly the flood gates opened.

Unless your husband has been living under a rock in a cave, then to say he doesn't understand what he's done wrong, in this day and age, is utterly ridiculous. Have you asked him how he'd feel if a man at your place of work, made similar comments, to you/your daughter (assuming you have one)? Would he see that as 'banter'?? Or would he be outraged that a man felt his comments were OK??

Is his behaviour cheating? No but it's creepy, vile and predatory.

Also would he really be comfortable with your daughter working somewhere with someone multiple times older than her constantly touching her and 'complimenting' her bum / tits etc 'for bants'

No it's not cheating.

But it's behaviour that was so bad that it's threatened your financial security.

It's highlighted that he looks at everyone including young female colleagues in a sexual way

It's highlighted that he has no idea how to behave appropriately

You now know that he comments on womens bodies and touches them to the point where (likely multiple) people felt really uncomfortable

It's showed that he has completely different attitudes and viewpoints to you and is happy to dismiss your feelings. Most people would be mortified their partner was so upset and trying to understand why / make it up to them

Basically he hasn't cheated but he has been a sleazy letch...so it's a question of if you want to stay with a sleazy letch.

Actually thinking about it the fact he isn't sorry, doesn't see the issue and seems to think he's been stitched up is just as much of a problem as what he's done.

He doesn't think he has done anything wrong so he won't stop.

Not cheating but would be very unimpressed..

I agree with most other posters, it's not cheating but it would be the end of the relationship for me. He's obviously completely dishonest and a misogynistic prick. Of course you're scared OP, it's a huge leap into the unknown. You'll need support. But I don't think you'll regret removing this disloyal predator from your life.