Is this cheating, would you forgive this?

He was tactile with the woman who reported him. That is not banter and jokes, that is touching and depending upon where he touched her, possibly sexual assault that they, including the woman presumably, have decided not to report to the police.

Of course you don't want to put your children through the upset of your marriage ending, but if you don't want to stay with a misogynist who ridicules women and touches them without consent remember it is him that has caused you to feel that way so your children's upset is on him. Also, children are resilient and adapt well. What they do have a problem with is recognising unacceptable behaviour from their parents and end up believing it to be normal. If you have boys they will learn how to treat women from him, daughters will learn what to expect from men.

They investigated and I would bet found multiple incidents.
They wouldn't risk being sued so I imagine HR will have carefully followed procedure.

The company will be well aware they are also open to a constructive dismissal suit, if an employee has claimed multiple incidents of sexual harassment that have gone unactioned.

Work Relations tribunals take a very dim view of such cases.

As far back as 10 years ago a colleague of my husband's sent a vulgar picture of what he'd like to do to a new young hire.
It was reported and he was called to HR and asked had he sent it, they had proof it was from his PC, and terminated his employment there and then.
Such a twat. He had to go home to his pregnant wife with a toddler to tell her he had been fired.

The company sent out a company wide email reminding all employees that anything inappropriate on the company's network would involve immediate termination of employment.

Large companies will protect themselves ruthlessly, and rightfully so.

We just sacked someone for making a lewd comment to another member of staff at the Christmas party. They'd worked for us for 15 years. Pretty much unblemished record up to that point, and top performer. He probably thought he was being funny, person on the receiving end didn't and reported it as sexual harassment.

I wouldn’t say it was cheating but it’s slimy and vile. Who goes to work to put up with that. The company have done the right thing. I wouldn’t trust him for one minute if he was my husband.

Nobody sacks an employee of 17 years because they tried to be comedic and got it wrong.

It’s not cheating. But I wouldn’t stay with a misogynist.

Sorry, you're right. I misread it

My point still stands though

Was she a 17 year old? I thought 17 was the number of years he’d been employed there, not her age.

The part about him touching a 17 year old and making her uncomfortable was bravado?

Vile! In the bin!

I'm curious, what would you consider to be creepy, rapey behaviour in a man, if not this?

im not excusing it. I just see a pathetic bloke trying to be funny. Someone who’s insecure in his place. It’s all bravado. That doesn’t mean I condone it. He was rightly sacked.

do I think it’s grounds to leave him & uproot the lives of their kids. Not necessarily, it’s not a trait I’d be happy to find my hubby had

My ex husband did this...he cheated eventually and now is sleeping around Holland and Asia. Gross men! You will always compare yourself to these women eventually...Get rid of him! Im in a happy relationship now and engaged to a man who is the polar opposite of my ex husband! You won't ever be happy,confident or secure.

hes probably been doing it for years but someone brave has spoken out this time

they dont just sack you for a few words in one converstion

Also I mean, it’s pretty serious stuff to be sacked from your job following an investigation into this isn’t it?

Where have you got your info from re what happened OP? Because if it from him I’d be guessing what he’s told you is the tip of the iceberg.

Of course your children will be upset if you split up with him. But, honestly, is it better to bring them up in a home with a disgusting, pathetic excuse for a man who makes your skin crawl? What kind of environment is that for them?

Come on, he will have been warned about his behaviour well before it got to the point of sacking. As other posters have said, everyone has the training these days. Most people manage not to sexually harass others at work. Absolutely no excuse.

Ugh. "Lads' banter" excuses went out in the 80s/90s if not earlier. Nobody (except your office-lech-enabling friends, that is) thinks what he's been doing is "bantz". No it's not "cheating" although almost certainly with intent to do so, and no, it's not "social awkwardness". It's sexual harassment and being the office creep.

That it's got to the point of him being sacked (for sexually harassing young women in their workplace after his many years of service - not always easy to do from an HR perspective, I'd say, and based on a lot more than hearsay, 'awkwardness' or differences of opinion, he's almost certainly been warned about it prior to this) - suggests he's been behaving like this at work for a long time and has long been making his female colleagues (as well as the male ones who know how to behave like professionals) uncomfortable. Just yuk.

It must be so horrible to find out though and have the waters muddied by 'friends' making excuses and living in about 1975. You will need to get rid, and yes it IS 100% creepazoid's fault, not yours. Please if you can also look to any more supportive friends you have who can see him for the embarrassing sleazeball he is. Yuck. I wouldn't want him to touch me either. Ever again. Good luck.

It doesn’t matter what he said, it is irrelevant if the OP does not think it was inappropriate or cheating
he knew what his employer classed as gross misconduct, and they had enough evidence to sack him

we can all think rules are stupid, or unfair. But they were what he signed up to and by flaunting them he has hugely disadvantaged his family

I would be inclined to count this almost as cheating. This is because he's been attempting to flirt (harassing) women, which has been obvious enough, not only to make the woman feel uncomfortable enough to complain, but also for the company to have sacked him. What you need to consider is his intent here. What if she had reciprocated, he most likely would have acted. Faithful and loyal men do not sexually harass women.
Cheating or not though, does it matter? He's humiliated himself and you. He's lost his job and has "sexual harassment" on his file. He's let you down massively. I'm sorry, it's a horrible situation for you.

I would need to know exactly what he said

He sounds like a lech

“Thank you, if we didn’t have children he’d have been gone within the first second. I’m just so scared about the effect it’ll have on them if we split”

he didn’t care about them when he was committing gross misconduct

it doesn’t matter that he saw it as ‘lads banter’ , we all do the training etc on equality and inclusion at work, the rules are clear. He was too arrogant to follow them

Why do you care if it’s cheating? He’s just vile and sleazy, I would guess he would have if he had any takers
but the reason to leave is he has behaved in a way that has left you and your children without his income, his behaviour was serious enough and provable to amount to gross misconduct

that for me is unforgivable, much worse than cheating

I’m a woman. I didn’t say lads banter I actually painted him as a desperate character trying to be funny. Which isn’t exactly flattering. I’ve worked in a male dominated environment and the ones with less wit & intelligence acted this way, they often felt inferior to the higher earners and more intellectual men often slagging them off. Whilst the men they slagged off didn’t really pass any comment on them.