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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think men should be more self aware when walking behind women?

115 replies

greengreyblue · 29/01/2026 19:02

Was walking this evening with my dog after dark I became aware of someone walking fairly close behind me. I turned and saw a tall man with hood up ( yes it’s January) and it felt too close given there was nobody else around.
This has happened a few times to me and my DD who works in London says it’s a daily thing when commuting , to find some bloke far too close on a tube platform for example.
I was telling DH and he said he always tries to cross over if he’s behind a woman like that to alleviate any discomfort that might cause.
I only have daughters but do you think your menfolk are aware of how they can make women feel? As a mother of boys would you teach them about this? Obviously men are 50% of the population and mostly not predators but I always feel uncomfortable in these situations. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
greengreyblue · 29/01/2026 21:33

ZoggyStirdust · 29/01/2026 21:29

Bloke here and yep I’m pretty aware of trying to not make women feel unsafe. I’ll cross the road, or hang back so I’m not too close, or even go a longer way round so they don’t think I’m following.

any other advice? I know it’s scary out there for women

Try not to wear a hoodie! 😂 Honestly some guys looks so menacing in just dark joggers and hoods up. Today I ended up crossing the road once and then pretending to wait for my dog to wee.

OP posts:
ZoggyStirdust · 29/01/2026 21:29

Bloke here and yep I’m pretty aware of trying to not make women feel unsafe. I’ll cross the road, or hang back so I’m not too close, or even go a longer way round so they don’t think I’m following.

any other advice? I know it’s scary out there for women

rainbows40 · 29/01/2026 21:24

In my experience alot of men are self aware of walking near a woman alone at night. Many times have I encountered a man either walking near or cycling past me and has caused me to jump in fright. They are so very apologetic as they then realise what they have done. Absolute gentlemen.

whatcanthematterbe81 · 29/01/2026 21:19

I’ve actually noticed men purposely hold back or cross the road, or even speak to me to make it less tense when behind me lately and appreciated it so much. They obvs have had the talk with the women in their lives. London as well, believe it or not

Olive567 · 29/01/2026 21:19

I had to turn off a road and walk down a relatively isolated riverside path today. About 30m in front of me a lady turned from the road to walk down the path. About 10m behind her, a man suddenly turned onto the path and proceeded to walk quite closely behind her. I thought it really inconsiderate as I could sense the lady was uncomfortable. If I was the man I would have speeded up and overtaken her but he didn't and just followed her for the 5 min walk. I hate people walking close behind me. I will often just suddenly stop and wait for people to pass in front if me.

ajandjjmum · 29/01/2026 21:16

I spoke to DS about this specifically when he was living in London. He says he stops to tie a shoelace and create some distance, or phones me - he seems to think that chatting loudly to his Mum will make lone females feel safer.

Awareness on all sides is important.

Original poster
greengreyblue · 29/01/2026 21:15

AdaDex · 29/01/2026 19:52

I'm always wary of this now.

I narrowly escaped what I assume would have been sexual assault. The only thing that saved me was my awareness. Seeing him closing in on me on a quiet street at about 9pm.

I was going to work and there was a security hut at the gate. I ran towards it. He shouted at me and I looked back and saw him wanking through the railings.

That little half glance backwards after a man passes you in the street. Watching the shadows on the pavement in case he's coming up behind you. Taking out my keys, to use as a weapon or to make sure I can get in my flat if he grabs my bag.

We live in a different world to men....

Thank you to all the Mums who are raising their sons to be aware of this ❤

What a pig! I helped a woman who had been ‘wanked at’ while walking her dog. He had walked past her and then turned and followed her. She sensed him and turned to find that. She gave him a few sharp words but was traumatised and I bumped into her in tears. Together we traced him, he went to court and is on the sex register . He was 19!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
greengreyblue · 29/01/2026 21:10

Reassuring to know my DH is not alone. @XenoBitch thats true but unfortunately statistically there are more women that suffer at the hands of men than the other way round.

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 29/01/2026 20:54

You don't have to be a man to scare someone else.
I am a woman, and I am self aware when walking behind anyone.

Hapagirl48 · 29/01/2026 20:53

Yes! My dad who is now 80 always crossed the road rather than walk behind a woman in the dark and freak her out. He’s pretty slow now so I don’t think he crosses now but he did when it mattered.

tipsyraven · 29/01/2026 20:42

I’m totally with you, OP. I feel really uncomfortable when men do that. I have been followed on more than one occasion and narrowly avoided being assaulted so am always nervous when a man walks up behind me.

Comedycook · 29/01/2026 19:54

My late father once told me he would cross the road if he was walking behind a woman in the dark.. my DH also does this. Yanbu.

AdaDex · 29/01/2026 19:52

I'm always wary of this now.

I narrowly escaped what I assume would have been sexual assault. The only thing that saved me was my awareness. Seeing him closing in on me on a quiet street at about 9pm.

I was going to work and there was a security hut at the gate. I ran towards it. He shouted at me and I looked back and saw him wanking through the railings.

That little half glance backwards after a man passes you in the street. Watching the shadows on the pavement in case he's coming up behind you. Taking out my keys, to use as a weapon or to make sure I can get in my flat if he grabs my bag.

We live in a different world to men....

Thank you to all the Mums who are raising their sons to be aware of this ❤

Igmum · 29/01/2026 19:17

Thank you both of you for doing that. I don’t have sons but love the idea that mums of DSs teach them this. You are raising fine men.

GrethaGreen · 29/01/2026 19:04

Agree. I always tell my sons to cross the road if you see a lone woman walking home in the dark. I think it’s just lack of awareness.