To think men should be more self aware when walking behind women?

It feels much less scary during the day, and I for one feel much safer with my dogs.. in that situation which I’m in a lot I would probably say maintain your pace and throw a cheery “good morning” out as you get closer if she turns towards you or as you go past. I can guarantee she’ll have clocked you and will likely make eye contact as you pass… It’s lovely that you’re aware enough to care! 🙏

I (a man) was out on a walk in the countryside this morning and at one point was on a path going along the edge of a field. About 20-30 yards ahead was a woman with her dog. I didn't want to get too close to her and scare her but that meant that every time she slowed or stopped because her dog was poking around in the hedgerow, I had to slow/stop myself. Which also looks suspicious.

Genuine question - what should I have done?

DH is tall and walks very fast. If he unavoidably has to overtake someone on a path where there is nowhere to cross over to he loudly and breezily says “Just passing on your left/right!”. Then he’s off, vanishing quickly into the distance. He taught DS how to reduce any perceived threat as a male stranger too.

The average 12 year old boy is stronger than the average fully grown woman.

The average man has a punch power of 180% that of the average woman.

By all means, take up self defence, but a woman can't assume, even in that case, that she will be able to protect herself.

@Linguist1979

I was walking out of my house on a remote tow path and I saw a man stood on a path on the left.

I'd feel vulnerable living on a remote towpath full stop. This sounds terrifying!

We are. That's how we know men are walking behind us.

"policing" 😄

Many people manage without a hood. Less threatening headgear is widely available.

They're the uniform for shoplifters and druggies unfortunately, men who wish to remain anonymous on CCTV, so innocent people choosing to wear them will be lumped in I'm afraid.

Most grown women wouldn’t stand a chance against a 15yr old boy. If you doubt that ask any mother with sons, or try wrestling one yourself. It doesn’t make women feeble but women are “weaker” when it comes to being over powered by men. Pretending facts aren’t true is naive at best. I know few women or teen girls who haven’t been sexually harassed in one way or another, which I guess is an additional inconvenient fact. It is not unreasonable for men to be aware of the fight or flight response following women in the dark triggers. If men weren’t assaulting women at astonishing rates maybe it wouldn’t be something we have to consider but while they are responses like this are ridiculous.

Yes, my son knows to not walk close to women and cross over if possible.

I do appreciate it when men hold back. I was walking up a busy high street not long ago in the dark, then I had to leave it to go up some cobbled steps that were basically a dark alley way. I noticed that these lads who weren't too far behind me were going the same way but they held back and waited till I was through the dark alley bit to go through themselves.

Actually I'm glad this thread came up as my teenager is pretty tall now. He's not often out when it's dark but it's worth pointing this out to him. We were walking through a car park the other day and I without realising had my keys held in that defensive way and my son asked why I was holding my keys like that so I did briefly explain.

Some dodgy bastards who do this are on a power trip, I think. The scaring is the thrill.

Phone snatching is an issue, but sometimes it’s necessary to use your phone as well.

It’s a false security to think being ‘aware of your surroundings’ as a woman can help, if someone has ill intent it’s not necessarily possible to prevent them and worse it perpetuates victim blaming.

The person speaking is not necessarily reassuring, some psychopaths operate by seeming friendly and harmless.

It’s reassuring of becoming more aware of not seeming to follow and teaching their DS.

Everyone should feel safe and be free to use their phone when they want to.

A school child in uniform shouldn’t have to be wary of thinking an adult on the street is a threat.

The blame lies 100% with perpetrators not the person peacefully going about their day.

I'm a mum to two sons (now 16 and 18) and it hadn't originally crossed my mind to teach them this.

Was walking our dog with youngest last year though (he was 15), and a man in a hoodie suddenly ran along the road, crossed to our side, came up behind us in the dark and stayed about a house length back - pausing every time our dog stopped to pee or sniff something. DS was absolutely oblivious to how nervous I was and kept chatting about his Minecraft world while I had my key ready in my pocket.

I talked to him when we got home and he was gobsmacked that it felt scary for me, and that I (and all women) need to be aware of surroundings all the time. We roped his brother into the conversation and he is now aware too.

They both regularly go out on dusk to the gym or whatever, and are now thoughtful about who else is around so they can keep their distance and keep themselves and others feeling safer.

Yes. There is a man who gets the same train as me some mornings. It's at 6am. He is about 6ft 7 and wears huge stompy work boots (I mean obviously nothing wrong with that in itself!). He absolutely marches along head down, hood up in a way I can only describe as like something out of a horror movie. I'm fairly unflappable but it sent shivers down my spine the first time I heard him behind me/pass me. Until I saw his little sandwiches in his hand 😂 I now know he just always seems to worry about being late for the train 😆 Bit baffled by his lack of awareness, though-he gets really close to me when passing despite there clearly being quite a bit of space at 6am.

I knew there would be one !!!!

Exactly it! They don't understand sometimes but we have 4 girls so he bloody will !

He did feel awful when I explained that's actually anxiety raising but his theory was it would give more comfort if he over took and went far ahead

We had this conversation when I was nervous one night there is a walkway connecting our house to the hospital, shops so many people use it. He said ir feels uncomfortable following a woman so he will try speed up to get past them😣 he was educated that evening ( all male upbringing)

Loads of legit reasons why men can't or won't cross a road. This isn't realistic

I was taught it from an early age by my father. I can sense trouble coming, I avoid dangerous places and I behave irrationally myself if I'm in such places..ie walking through Johannesburg on my own realising that despite locals saying it was safe it wasn't... singing songs loudly about Bristol Rovers gained a wide birth and questioning rather than intimidating looks

It’s not always easy to avoid this, I walk my dogs up a fairly narrow footpath which is hemmed in both sides by hedges/ fences so theres nowhere to go, it’s relatively well used but poorly lit and you do inevitably come across women walking either ahead or towards you, I always call my dog by name when this happens just so they know I’m there. On a normal street, these days , I try very hard to either cross over or quickly get infront, but what a sad world it’s become when we have to do this