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AIBU?

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Original poster

Working away

90 replies

marioooocart · 29/01/2026 14:37

DH works full time remote on approx 26k salary. Contract is fully remote although there is a head office, he never has to visit.

Manager has delegated some more responsibilities to him (for no extra pay!) and has now asked him to go and do some team bonding in the head office. This invokes a four hour train journey the day before, two days team bonding and then 4 hours back the day after training. So I would lose him for four days. We have a two year old and zero family support. No extra pay involved for this but will pay expenses.

Company are acting as if they are doing him a massive favour and as if it will be very fun. Around 20 of them are going (not his whole company, there’s thousands, and not from his team either as he’s never heard of these people) as it will be team bonding and they are talking about a fun night out although no talk of company paying for this.

Manager is now saying this could be every 3 months or so. I will need to take time off work to deal with childcare etc if he does. AIBU to think this is not the great deal and fun his manager seems to think it is? It’s not a free holiday and massively inconveniences us and DH is on barely more than minimum wage. I would expect trips away for someone on a much higher salary. It just seems a bit of a piss take.

DH can say no as it isn’t in his contract but I’m unsure if I’m being unreasonable here and I think he’s a bit worried about not seeming like a team player.

OP posts:
Original poster
marioooocart · 29/01/2026 16:48

Applecup · 29/01/2026 16:47

Frankly you are being a bit wet. It’s 4 days every 3 months.

So his job is more important than mine? I must take 16 days holiday a year to facilitate this? Sorry, how is that a bit wet or does this just come with being a woman?

OP posts:
Original poster
marioooocart · 29/01/2026 16:47

Hopeandwonder · 29/01/2026 16:44

I’m glad he’s declined xx

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Me too! Yes it’s just above minimum wage. It’s the underhandedness of it all that’s annoyed me.

Framing as if they are treating him to free stuff and nice experiences, when they are just trying to get him to agree to do extra work and take on more responsibilities for no extra pay!

OP posts:
Applecup · 29/01/2026 16:47

Frankly you are being a bit wet. It’s 4 days every 3 months.

Hopeandwonder · 29/01/2026 16:44

marioooocart · 29/01/2026 16:39

He also told DH that 20 people have been selected to take on “more responsibilities”. No additional pay will be offered. This would also mean DH meeting with the night team once a month.

The customer service is 24 hours at DH work. This means he would have to go on during the night teams shift and have a meeting with them. Their shifts are 11pm-6am.The meeting would be an hour long and he would be paid for an additional hours wage. No higher rate of pay even though it’s night time.

This was not explained to DH when he accepted more responsibility so he has kindly declined.

I’m glad he’s declined xx

Hopeandwonder · 29/01/2026 16:44

Romancame · 29/01/2026 14:50

Of course salary matters. 26k is nowhere near enough for this.

DH is a high earner and I know this comes with him having to work late nights and away occasionally. He doesn’t get any extra but we benefit from him having a high salary. I would not be happy at all with him being away for 4 nights with no additional pay on 26k.

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26K is just about or around NMW right? I think it’s a big ask to expect him to be away and not pay any extra. You’re basically asking him to have 3 nights away from home unpaid. I think it’s a big ask.

Fed up of these companies taking the mick, does DH want to do it?

How nice of them to pile on extra responsibilities for zero extra pay

Evaporateandlisten · 29/01/2026 16:40

What does he want to do?

In his position I would discuss with the manager and explain the situation and ask if this will go against him. Maybe agree to go this time but state that he can’t commit to every three months at this time but that if circumstances were to change that he would attend.

Original poster
marioooocart · 29/01/2026 16:39

He also told DH that 20 people have been selected to take on “more responsibilities”. No additional pay will be offered. This would also mean DH meeting with the night team once a month.

The customer service is 24 hours at DH work. This means he would have to go on during the night teams shift and have a meeting with them. Their shifts are 11pm-6am.The meeting would be an hour long and he would be paid for an additional hours wage. No higher rate of pay even though it’s night time.

This was not explained to DH when he accepted more responsibility so he has kindly declined.

OP posts:
Original poster
marioooocart · 29/01/2026 16:34

He spoke to his manager who confirmed he was fully remote so had no obligation to go if he didn’t want to. Although manager did frame it as if he put DH forward for it because he would have so much fun and he’s missing out on a lot of freebies if he doesn’t go. DH is very much an introvert so team building is his worst nightmare, even if he is getting a free meal out of it.

DH said it sounds great but he has childcare commitments. Manager is single and childfree so initially asked why his wife can’t do it. When DH said logistics and my job he said can I not take time off or can we not send DD to a grandparents house for 4 days! I will not be giving up my holiday days nor will I be stressing DD out for there to be no benefit to our family.

Manager has now put a message in their group chat asking if anyone fancies some nights in an a free hotel and some money to buy a Nando’s (they would give them £30 a day to feed themselves) so it seems he’s been tasked with asking one member of his team to go to a team building exercise. I doubt anyone will accept if I’m being honest so maybe the manager himself will have to go.

Even if we didn’t have childcare issues DH wouldn’t want to go, he took the job as fully remote because that’s what it was advertised as. If he wanted a job that required working away, he would have applied for one at a better salary than he’s on.

He did an odd weekend working away here and there pre DD in an entirely different line of work but it was expected, he enjoyed it and he was compensated well for it.

OP posts:
Proccy · 29/01/2026 16:33

Go to the first one and see what it's all about. After that if there's no clear advantage, no obvious route to promotion and no extra money, then he should politely decline apart from perhaps once a year. £26k is derisory these days

mountainsides4 · 29/01/2026 16:19

Every 3 months isn’t that bad in the grand scheme of things, however, being away for 4 days each time feels excessive. I’m fully remote too, and I do have to travel 3 times a year. But, I'm only away for a maximum of 2 days, so I do think 4 days is a bit much.

They’re being tight making him get 2 buses as well as 3 trains though! Yes, you chose to live in that area, but they shouldn’t have offered him a job if location was a problem. I hope you find a solution, but I understand why you’re annoyed.

20thCenturyFecks · 29/01/2026 16:09

marioooocart · 29/01/2026 15:23

It’s a private company in a customer service call centre type role.

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I don't have any direct experience of a call centre environment I'm sorry.

He could cite family reasons as someone suggested above but if it's going to be a regular occurrence I don't think he'll be able to escape it permanently.

I think he'll also need to check what the money expectations are eg expenses and if there's pay for being away for home over X no of hours.

Original poster
marioooocart · 29/01/2026 15:58

Cinnamonroles · 29/01/2026 15:29

I’m not sure why he can’t drop DC as normal on the day he leaves to travel, and you collect like normal. Then can you speak to the nursery to ask about full days for the next 2? Ours were always flexible with requirements like this.

I also don’t collect her, I’d have to leave work early to make the pick up.

DH is talking to work now.

OP posts:
Original poster
marioooocart · 29/01/2026 15:34

Cinnamonroles · 29/01/2026 15:29

I’m not sure why he can’t drop DC as normal on the day he leaves to travel, and you collect like normal. Then can you speak to the nursery to ask about full days for the next 2? Ours were always flexible with requirements like this.

Full days aren’t an option for DD, she has suspected ASD and would not cope at all. This is why DH works the hours he does.

OP posts:
Cinnamonroles · 29/01/2026 15:29

I’m not sure why he can’t drop DC as normal on the day he leaves to travel, and you collect like normal. Then can you speak to the nursery to ask about full days for the next 2? Ours were always flexible with requirements like this.

Original poster
marioooocart · 29/01/2026 15:23

20thCenturyFecks · 29/01/2026 15:20

Is he in the CS by any chance? There is an expectation that employees do these things, usually in the job description and buried in the T&Cs.

My previous job also had the expectation that you'd go to HO and make nice periodically, but they paid for everything including food and drink, which went through payroll/expenses.

It’s a private company in a customer service call centre type role.

OP posts:
20thCenturyFecks · 29/01/2026 15:20

Is he in the CS by any chance? There is an expectation that employees do these things, usually in the job description and buried in the T&Cs.

My previous job also had the expectation that you'd go to HO and make nice periodically, but they paid for everything including food and drink, which went through payroll/expenses.

Original poster
marioooocart · 29/01/2026 15:19

I’m just sat and trying to work out how we would swing it if he had to go for 4 days every 3 months.

That’s 16 days of the year I would have to take off. I don’t have enough holiday left for that. I can’t do a half day because that wouldn’t work with my job.

I don’t know if it would be better for him to go once or just tell his manager he can’t do it and delegate the responsibility elsewhere. Although I’m not sure how well his manager would take that.

OP posts:
Romancame · 29/01/2026 15:07

marioooocart · 29/01/2026 15:00

It’s fully fully remote. Think remote call centre vibes. There’s thousands in his company. His actual team is a team of 30 and not one of them has been in the office. Some of them have been there for 5 plus years. He’s only been asked to go as his manager has given him some more responsibility.

I think his manager has some work he’s wanted to off load, seen he’s a hard worker and decided he wouldn’t say no.

Edited
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I’ve just seen this. They are absolutely taking the piss to expect him to go away for four days if he works in a call centre for just above minimum wage.

Justploddingonandon · 29/01/2026 15:06

Going isn't unreasonable, I do similar 3-4 times a year (I do earn more then 26k though) and DH either wfh or does short days and makes up the time when I'm away (we do have childcare but normally he drops off and I pick up so we can both do a full day + commute).
However if the journey by public transport is that tricky / takes that much longer they should pay for him to hire a car (assuming he can drive), it's probably not that much more expensive than the train. They should also pay for any time spent travelling beyond his normal commute (which is presumably zero if he is actually contractually home based).

Romancame · 29/01/2026 15:03

I think they’re pushing their luck by framing it as fun. I would just say sorry that doesn’t work with our childcare commitments.

Original poster
marioooocart · 29/01/2026 15:00

FuzzyWolf · 29/01/2026 14:58

Is his contract fully remote or does he say he needs to go into the office, or is hybrid?

Many people wfh like going in occasionally. DH and I are often away, although rarely for four consecutive nights but it’s in our contracts and we get paid well for it.

It’s fully fully remote. Think remote call centre vibes. There’s thousands in his company. His actual team is a team of 30 and not one of them has been in the office. Some of them have been there for 5 plus years. He’s only been asked to go as his manager has given him some more responsibility.

I think his manager has some work he’s wanted to off load, seen he’s a hard worker and decided he wouldn’t say no.

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 29/01/2026 14:58

Is his contract fully remote or does he say he needs to go into the office, or is hybrid?

Many people wfh like going in occasionally. DH and I are often away, although rarely for four consecutive nights but it’s in our contracts and we get paid well for it.

Zanatdy · 29/01/2026 14:57

I think it’s fairly reasonable, once every 3 months. It is important to see colleagues face to face when you’re remote and it’s a fairly common ask. Yes inconvenient for childcare, but many families have to manage around it. Not unreasonable of his employer to ask.

Original poster
marioooocart · 29/01/2026 14:56

Swiftie1878 · 29/01/2026 14:54

Can you get some flexibility from work for a couple of days to drop/collect your child from
nursery etc?

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Unfortunately not due to how far away I work/her nursery hours/my job. I would have to take all the days off.

OP posts:
Original poster
marioooocart · 29/01/2026 14:55

havingoneofthosedays · 29/01/2026 14:51

What do you mean by arrange childcare? If you both work is this not already in place?

DH works 1230-9.

DD is in nursery afternoons only. He walks her there before work and then walks her back on his break. I get home as his break is finishing and do night time routine.

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