Do I end this based on hearsay.

Just tread very careful.
I will tell you from experience though doing Claires law and police checks is ok but it won't necessarily give you the truth.
My ex wife abused me for me many years. It was mainly financial but in 2016 she did give me a beating.

She then persuaded me not to report it as she is a secondary school teacher and claimed she would lose her job. Obviously I feel stupid for not reporting it at the time and running but I've learnt lessons and we did eventually divorce.
I am free and will always have the photograph as evidence. Can you have an honest conversation with his ex wife?

"Has sworn on the life of his child he has never done that."

Massive red flag - I wouldn't believe a word spoken by any man who would swear anything on the life of his child. Its puire emotional manipulation as these people think others believe "no one could possibly swear on the life of their child and not mean it".

Its a gift for the manipulative to use against the gullible.

If you decide to proceed do so with extreme caution.

Yeah I think given you’ve experienced this before I’d be very wary and call it a day. They don’t sound like a nice couple of people to have in your life…/explosive arguments and the possibility of domestic abuse. It takes two to tango so i would keep away he sounds toxic. Maybe get some therapy to make sure your boundaries and confidence are up too before entering into a relationship

This. Mature people wouldn’t do this. It’s a way of manipulating you into believing him and would make me think he actually did hit his ex.

This. I mean absolutely zero disrespect to you OP, but you just are at a higher risk than women who have not experienced DA. It might be that your previous relationship has skewed what you can see as a red flag, and almost every abuser starts off acting like a saint.

Oh, and it's not hearsay. It's him, he's telling you who he is.

If it were me I'd find an innocent looking excuse and end the relationship. I simply don't believe that there are very many women who would like about being hit, but I do believe that there are many men who have hit women and fancy getting their excuses in early. I put it in the same category as "My ex is a psycho." Yeah, no. Bye boi.

Agreed - it's manipulative and unnecessarily dramatic so aside from the possibility of DV, that's a red flag too.

Is there any possibility of contacting her privately to express your concerns. There are always 2 sides to every story. At least if you have the opportunity to speak to her, or better still meet with her for a coffee, you could assess the situation for yourself then decide what to do.

When you’ve been in a DV relationship, it can be very difficult to spot and assess red flags.

Having a stormy and argumentative relationship would be a red flag for me. I don’t want to be with someone who can’t communicate with shouting and arguing.

He's only told you in case a friend/family member mentions it...getting in there first.

I'd walk

I’ve been in an abusive relationship. My ex used to tell me all sorts of shit and get his version of events in there first so that when the truth came out, I never believed it. Because I’d already heard my ex’s version. There’s a reason why most women will say that their ex has hit them. It very rarely has anything to do with them being malicious. Obviously that can happen and his ex could be a complete psycho that makes up stories but I’d say it’s rare. I’d be inclined to take what he’s told op at face value

'Has sworn on the life of his child he has never done that.'

Oh well in that case. 😕

You could be right. It is really difficult to say. I guess I'm thinking how an innocent person would. And if he's not he'll have a whole spiel ready to try and cover his back.

Swearing on the life of your child is a red flag.

Oh dear no.

It’s a manipulation tactic - getting his side of the story in there first so op won’t believe the the ex’s side or anyone else who may try to warn op about him in the future. It’s very common for abusers to do this. Just because he’s told her ‘his’ version, doesn’t mean he’s being genuine or truthful!

Op I’d take what he has said very seriously. You have only been seeing him since August so the relationship is still new and he will be on his best behaviour. Abusive behaviour happens very gradual over months, even years.
As a pp has suggested, do a Claire’s Law and see if anything comes to light. Women don’t just go around accusing their exes of hitting them for no reason (or at least it’s very rare).
Has he mentioned anything about his ex being ‘crazy’ or something similar or blames her for everything? If he has then that would be a red flag right there.

You may not feel he is displaying any red flags but sometimes it’s difficult to see them, especially in the first few months of a relationship as the red flags may not start to show until later on.

Of course he hit her and he is going to hit you.

This.
Swearing on his kids lives - 🚩
His ex was ‘crazy’ (or a variation thereof) - 🚩
Saying his ex used to hit him - ime 🚩

In my experience, it’s nearly always them trying to get ahead of you hearing that he used to hit his ex, because then he can say ‘well yes I told you what actually happened, I was honest and upfront, she’s lying because she is covering her own back’ etc.

I've known some really vindictive horrible lies to come from the mouth of woman

I really don't care. Women's safety matters more than a man's desire. There's been an allegation, statistically it is likely to be true, and he's done a horrible thing that makes him highly untrustworthy to try to damp it down. He's a risk and OP's safety is the priority, not your complaints about womankind.

The mere fact that he felt it necessary to swear on his children's lives shows he is lying imo. Any person accused of doing something they hadn't done wouldn't need to go to such extremeties but would instead be content with the knowledge that they are innocent and a simple declaration of such would do. I'd say by his reaction is that he is lying and is used to being accused of stuff, hence his dramatic, far fetched reaction.

Has he given any sort of explanation as to how things went from him being a great supportive partner and parent, to his ex hating him enough to tell such a damaging outright lie based on absolutely nothing whatsoever at all? Because it's quite a journey, isn't it? From blameless to being accused of DV? What would be her motivation?

Has sworn on the life of his child he has never done that.

Annnndddd it's a no from me....

As others flagged... No one, but no one, decent goes around spouting this shite for a variety of reasons.

As someone who grew up in low level domestic violence.... I wouldn't be interested.

I would not take the risk for myself and I wouldn't want to risk of exposing my children to a low-calibre man with anger issues....

If you insist on staying in the relationship do clares law....

I was with a guy who had the police called on his by his ex gf. He swore he did nothing when I asked for details. As the months and years went by, it turns out he did hit her, but in 'self defence' so he didn't count it. Eventually, during arguments, he ended up hitting me. Then claimed it was because of x, y, z. There was always a reason why it was justified.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's all subjective. Ask an abuser if he or she is an abuser, they'll say no, as in their heads it's everyone else's fault.

Re Claire's Law, I dislike the questions asked. One of them, understandably so, asks if children live with you. That worries me, because if person X turns out to have a record, and you're dating them, will ss be called automatically?

Just beware.

He isn't gonna admit it and kindly meant, you've obviously missed red flags in the past. So I just mean, so you feel that you might miss some signs others would see? Have you're friends met him?

Just be careful.

So all woman should be believed no matter what! I've known some really vindictive horrible lies to come from the mouth of woman especially ones when the ex has a new partner. Don't end your relationship based on what some random strangers on the Internet say or the word of hearsay. I'd proceed with caution and come to your own judgements. However what I would be is cautious of drama moving forward

Agree with others but also if the Claire’s law application comes back clear don’t assume all is ok
just means the police weren’t involved