Do I end this based on hearsay.

There are two possibilities here:

1. He is an abuser.
2. He has a lying, malicious ex who he has shared children with and will forever be tied to.

Neither of those options are things I would invite into my life or my children's lives.

It's a no brainer really!

Apart from when I used to say it as a kid (or probably more, I swear on the holy bible), I have never ever, as an adult, said ‘I swear on the life of ….’. It is a weird thing to say and yes could be suspicious.

it's so over dramatic and a means of shutting down any discussion.

If it didn’t happen, why even mention it?

I’ve dated a lot of losers in my time before I met Dh. None of them ever were accused of hitting an ex and none of them ever felt the need to pre-warn me about past behaviour I might find out about. 🙄

I know people who have.

Another vote for this.

Swearing “on the lives of his children” is an automatic red flag.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It happened to me too. But for some reason I always thought I was the only person they did that to. They made me believe that I drove them to it and they were normal before they knew me. So maybe that's why I don't really know how to take someone saying they were falsely accused of it.

You are not wrong other than being on the wrong thread

And far more people know women who were attacked by partners who deny it.

Honestly, do you people think we are stupid? We know sometimes women lie. But we also know they tell the truth about abuse far more often than they lie about it, and this guy has already committed a huge red flag by exploiting his child anyway.

Ending a relationship because the risk/reward ratio is in the gutter doesn't make someone a moron misandrist who's too dim to realise it's possible for women to lie. Why are women always urged to compromise their safety and instincts like this?

Could be hes telling you as a form of damage limitation, so he can get his story out first, in the hopes that you'll believe him and not whoever else you could have heard it from.

Do a Claires Law, and back away now.

Every man i've ever met who has sworn on his child's life has been a liar.

you don’t actually know this person - he’s not a partner you don’t live with him and have barely seen him!!! You’ve been long distance dating a man who turns out is an abusive areehole so count yourself lucky he did this at the start before you moved in with him or whatever! Anyone who uses a metal bar to beat someone else ho is not doing it to “protect” themselves! He caused the whole thing as if he’d just walked past the bloke igniting him originally and gone to the shop and him then none of this would have happened!

I would be doing a lot of digging into his socials etc. Don't let it lie.

Proceed with caution but yes some women lie.
I know of a case where the woman was an abuser and reversed the whole situation to anyone she met and got her story out first even though her arrest record and police reports showed the opposite.

Men lie more about violence than women. In the same way that rape allegations are tiny in relation to actual rape/sexual assault.

You're a DV survivor. Why risk it?

Why wouldn't you end it?

The ex says she hit him. If she's not telling the truth, then all you've lost is someone you've been dating a few months. If she is, then theres the chance you could lose your life.

Surely its a no brainer?

I don't think it's meaningless. I think it means he's lying.

It definitely means he's a shit of some description.

This. Immature and meaningless gesture. I’d be off.

Me three.

It's a big red flag he's lying. If you haven't done something then you haven't done it. You dont need to swear on anything if its the truth because it stands as fact.

Trying to reinforce your worthiness by swearing on your children's lives indicates a grandiosity and over the topness that you would only require if you were in fact...lying.

Yep, me too.

Yes. What a very weird lever to pull.

He has told me him and his ex had quite a stormy breakup

We all know what this means.

I think this is sensible. If anyone was to do this and be found to be lying it would show not only utter contempt for their children (whether they were superstitious or not) but also be the ultimate indication that they are not trustworthy as it’s the biggest plea for trust which they are deliberately abusing.

If they are capable of saying this they are capable of any dishonesty as they do not feel basic moral rules apply to them, but are willing to use them to manipulate others who do follow them.

The reality is you will never know for sure if it's true, will you?

But it's a ticking time bomb that could go off at any time.

Many manipulators reveal the truth early on but wrap it in a plausible denial. it's actually very common for con men to do this. It's known as 'Strategic truth-telling with plausible deniability'.

It's a really effective way of manipulating someone because it It neutralises accountability, it corrupts evidence (“They admitted it, but not really”), it destabilises victims’ confidence and it allows the con artist to claim moral and emotional superiority.

Look how many people on this thread are saying 'well he wouldn't tell you if he had, so he must be telling the truth'. That is exactly the kind of gullibility that's relied on.

Plus swearing on your kids lives is just wrong.

What on earth would be the point of that? Dragging the poor woman into it and possibly scaring the life out of her?

I think we can be sure he wouldn't say she'd accused him if she hadn't, literally no conceivable reason for that, so if she tells you anything, she'll say it's true. But you might be pressured by people who want you to risk your safety to prove you're a good person who doesn't think all women are perfect angels or whatever crap it is.

You can be pretty sure she's made the accusation. He's not entitled to a relationship and he's done the worst thing possible to try to convince you it's not true. Don't start doing private investigations yourself, just get out of there. You've been dating five months, my Botox lasts longer than that.