Do I end this based on hearsay.

it does show on clares law even if you don't press charges, as long as police were called and are aware about any of it, it will.

My ex refused to leave my house when she was drunk and punched me, she left before police came but it shows on clares law now

It's typical of abusers to insist that that things never happened. My abuser either did that or reengineered the story into an accident. On the other hand, it is unheard of either for people to spread malicious gossip.

I could tell by ny ex's behaviour whether his actions were accidental or deliberate. When it was an accident, be apologised straight away and asked me if I was OK. When it was deliberate, he didn't say anything, even if I said he had hurt me.

OP, nobody is going to be able to tell you one way or the other. Do you know anyone who knows his ex? If so, could you ask them what she's like so you can get an idea or whether it's likely to be the truth or not.

I would not throw an otherwise good relationship away on the basis of hearsay. The world is unfortunately full of people who fling untrue accusations around - I have seen it at first hand. On the other hand, of course DV exists. With your partner, just keep an eye out for red flags and don't be afraid to walk away if they appear. Pay particular attention to how he deals with conflict and disagreements.

Honestly this. True = run for your life. Not true = that's a bag of shitty drama involving the mother of his child and therefore you can never get away from it. I am in a 30-year old relationship and can honestly say I had no idea how much of all the other people in his life would become so enmeshed in my own life. You are never just having a relationship with one person. This is too much. Get away.

Be aware that Claire's law doesn't cover a lot of possible aspects. My ex has had social work safeguarding and police involvement for DV. Two MARAC referrals (high risk DV). I gather none of this would show up on a Claire's law request because I didn't press charges due to feeling there wouldn't be enough evidence.

What is the situation with his childen? Does he have contact? Is there court involvement?

Read up about love bombing just in case this is an issue.

No, but that wasn't the point made?

assuming someone is guilty just because someone said they are and they happen to be a woman? okay

good on you

well said - my Ex swore on the lives of our 3 kids that he wasn't having an affair - he was...for at least 5yrs. They will say anything.

Just be very careful and deffo use Claires Law

The other mindset is the dangerous one.

This is a very dangerous mindset assuming guilt of someone when you have no facts - google these names and come back and tell me how that mindset helps you sleep better at night:
Eleanor Williams
Jemma Beale
Chloe May
Sophie James
Fleur Smith
Nadine Milroy-Sloane
Angela Uramova
Gail Sherwood
Layla Ibrahim
Ayushi Bhatia

I know someone who’s ex falsely accused him of DV as part of a malicious attempt to screw his new relationship.

However I think that is unusual.

It is far more common for an actual abuser to start manipulating you first before you hear anything about him.

Can you get in touch with the ex and speak to her? Maybe she’ll turn out to be totally unhinged…or maybe she’ll be completely credible

And still, no woman is obliged to date them.

literally just shared by story below yours and seeing this has made my day, it's many out there who do this unfortunately.

Quick story - I am in a child custody case, ex wants custody thus higher entitlement for cms /financial split etc and she also wants to live 400 miles away, which I won't agree to).

Somehow maybe google told her this would help but she has reported to the police that I strangl3d her years ago(no proof of this what so ever, I thought it was a joke initially and she only decided to file this after her case in family court appeared weak).

False accusation are very much real but then again, you need to have facts and sadly some do not have proof.

Unfortunately women also lie when relationships end. I've known two to go to a woman's shelter in order to keep their ex partners away from the children, only to admit later on court it wasn't needed and was a 'move'. They've both been caught lying endlessly, like saying one was stalking the daughter at school on a certain date when actually he was abroad, or 200 miles away working and could prove it all.

Honestly, it has been so painful for them, all they want to do is keep in touch with their daughters, it's like a bereavement for them, with the added stress of facing up to lies. Women lie, men lie, everyone lies. I wish they wouldn't.

I'd also be considering how old his child is / how recent the breakup with the ex is. What's the real story?

I think any man who admits to a 'stormy' break up with the mother of his child when the child is very small is actually telling you (without saying the words) that they were lazy /unsupportive / unfaithful/ a selfish man-child during or shortly after his partner's pregnancy, when she was vulnerable amd needed him most.

Similarly if he's back out dating soon after the split, he's not got his child's best interests at heart / is looking for help with childcare/ can't function without a woman look after him or bolster his ego.

He'd have to be something pretty special to convince me otherwise I'm afraid!

I would simply believe the woman who said he hit her. As the most likely reason for her saying it is because its true.

Either she's lying and you will have to deal with a nutcase mother of his child for the next 20 years.

Or

He's lying and you'll find yourself being his next victim.

I'd leave either way. The drama isn't worth it. Especially as you were a victim of DV, you need a clear head, a stable and undramatic relationship.

....and this is the huge flaw in the jury system.

She is either telling the truth .He has hit her and he's lied about it and used a dramatic, I swear on the lives of my children lie or she's lying and used this terrible lie during the dramatic high tension break up.

If she's prepared to do this and she's the mother of his children She is going to be in his life for a long time and therefore yours and it's unlikely that she's going to become less dramatic.

I'm not saying women don't lie but I would surmise that the statistics are much higher that more men lie about being abusers than women lie about being abused.
I also find that I swear on the lives statements to be strong indicators that someone is lying In the same way that the overuse of the word honestly honestly and I wouldn't lie are used by liars. It's only been 6 months and I would get out now.

if you really feel you want to stay with him I would ask to meet her or ask to message her .His response might be revealing .f he does agree her response might give you a feel of what is true.

My ex’s friends all think I’m a crazy ex despite me being granted a restraining order, some of them sighting me with a black eye while pregnant etc.

I think it’s easier for people to dismiss things like DA as it’s a horrible thing to consider your loved ones doing

Swearing on the lives of other people is immature and quite horrible. Honestly. There's a red flag straight away.

But if you've seen nothing and are positive that you'd not be manipulate again, then only you can decide. It's up to you if wish to continue but if you do be very careful and don't make any excuses for his behaviour if it turns.

I find people who “swear on” lives to be the biggest liars. I work with criminals including those who haves harmed the mothers of their children for work and despite being convicted and me seeing evidence against them several will still “swear” that their ex was out to get them… or “we just had a stormy relationship and were both as bad as each other” or “she just didn’t want me to see my child”

Too often women get dismissed as the crazy ex when they're telling the truth. Women need to listen to each other. Believe her. The cost of dismissing her is too high.

If people saw red flags at the start of the relationship surely domestic abuse wouldn’t exist?

If it’s true he will be a risk to you and your children if exposed to future DA. If it’s not true his ex will be a creator of drama. Neither sound appealing.

Sorry OP but throw this one back.