Do I end this based on hearsay.

I'm really turned off when peoples swear on the life of my child". I don't believe them more, I respect them less.

Run.

A clear Clare’s law means Jack shit.

What is the point of swearing on anyone’s life? What will happen to his child if he punches you in the face?

Exactly, I’d just never do it. I don’t take my child’s life so lightly and it just reeks of someone grasping at straws to make themselves sound believable.

I find it easier in life just to believe women when they say men are abusive honestly. I agree a Claire’s Law application would be a good shout, though it would depend on whether any reports were made wouldn’t it?

Best case he’s telling the truth - which already tells you how he’s likely to respond to conflict. Difficult to have a ‘stormy’ breakup if you’re not contributing to that storm. Also did he tell you this in a ‘we both handled it badly and I’ve definitely learned lessons about how I’ll handle myself better in future way’ or a ‘my crazy ex was a total bitch’ kind of way? Because if the latter that’s another massive red flag and would be enough for me to end it on its own honestly.

Exactly. To a man who would commit DV, the life of a child means nothing. If tomorrow, the Bean Sidhe came for his child’s life due to his swearing and he could save the child by saying what exactly he swore falsely about, then the child would die, because he probably swears on the life of his child about everything from DV to why he’s home 30 minutes late from football.

Did the ex report him? Does he have a conviction? Can you ask a neutral person about it too?
He had no reason to tell you himself, why would he not just keep quiet and deny it if the ex tells you in the future? He has brought it up unasked, so maybe that is a good thing. Did he hit her in self defence, is she violent herself. Some women are, rarer than men obviously but it does happen. My partner's ex hit him. He didn't hit back mind.
But if you don't want the drama of it all, drop him now.

My ex swore that he hadn’t hit me to his then partner, she decided even with evidence his word was better than mine. Fast forward 3 years, I bumped into her and she told me I was right like I didn’t already know. His next 4 partners experienced the same with the current one so besotted and in denial she actively lies to the police with him to try and gain false convictions on the ones of us who have children with him. Sad really cos she’s no idea of what’s yet to come if it hasn’t already.

Making an “assumption” that leads to a decision to play it safe / protect oneself and thus could save a life is not a bad thing. Besides, the statistics clearly demonstrate it’s more likely to be true than not. So the “assumption” is not baseless.

It’s playing safe.

False allegations of domestic abuse in the UK are exceedingly rare. Data from the Metropolitan Police Service (MPS) between 2018 and 2021 indicates that out of 365,353 reported domestic abuse offences, only 50 were flagged as false allegations. This represents approximately 0.01% of all reported cases, equating to about one in every 7,300 complaints.

Additionally, a report by the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) covering January 2011 to May 2012 found that out of 5,651 prosecutions for rape, only 35 were for making false allegations. This suggests that false allegations constituted about 0.62% of rape prosecutions. When including domestic violence cases, the rate of false accusations dropped to 0.04%.

These statistics highlight that the vast majority of domestic abuse reports are genuine. The misconception that false allegations are widespread can be harmful, potentially deterring victims from coming forward and seeking the help they need. It's crucial to support survivors and ensure they feel safe and believed when reporting abuse.

From The Pathway Project

A lot on here clearly don't know much about DA/DV.

It's not as simple as "the first hint of a red flag and you dump him".

If it were that easy nobody would be in an abusive relationship.

Physical abuse is usually the last type of abuse to happen, and the others aren't easy to spot a lot of the time. The physical stuff usually starts happening when they know they have you in a position where its not easy to leave, like when you're pregnant, they have that child as leverage then.

People saying op should give him a chance clearly don't see the signs that this won't end well even with the limited information in the op, and this guy giving a side of the story that's supposed to paint him in a good light.

He’s just trying to get in ahead in case you hear that he hit her. I would say the probability is that he hit her. I’m not saying it couldn’t be a mistake but given the sheer number of DV incidents in the UK it seems far likelier that he did it, and if you’ve been a victim of DV in the past you’re probably at more risk of a man who’s potentially hit a woman before. In your place I’d be erring on the side of caution and letting it fizzle out.

But they never do until they think you are overcommitted. Disclosure of things like earlier accusations of DV is one of the classic ways abusers test your boundaries to see whether you will brush past doubt. Along with statements lie “my father was a cheater so I never would!” “My father was an abuser so I never would.” The specific claim here (a false accusation) is meant to get OP on his side “I am the victim here” but it also immunizes him against OP hearing that he has bearen his previous oartner. After all he has honestly disclosed the “facts” so she can’t complain now.

its the reddest of red flags.

The stormy breakup would be a red flag for with or without the hitting allegation.

Yep!

Swearing on the life of a child is utterly meaningless unless he believes an angry God might punish a lie with a bolt of lightning, so ignore that tactic completely. I’d be more persuaded by a man who encouraged me to speak to his friends and family, or to do all the checking and investigated I wanted. He could be truthful, but the second you see a single red flag in his behaviour - insults, threats, clenched fists - you need to be ready to walk away.

Myth #12: Women often lie about abuse.
Reality: False allegations about domestic abuse are extremely rare (CPS, 2022). This myth is extremely damaging, because the fear of not being believed can and does deter women from reporting the abuse they have experienced.

It is integral that all levels of society are aware of the reality and impact of domestic abuse because much of domestic abuse goes unreported. Research demonstrates a lack of understanding about the complexities of domestic abuse by professionals in the criminal justice system, accompanied by inconsistent responses where some women are believed over others, leaving many unable to access justice. Evidence suggests that less than 1 in 5 survivors feeling able to report their experience to the police.

From Women’s Aid website.

Also, the poster who posted 10 names of women who lied might want to check out the femicide census website which lists the names of all women murdered by a man between 2009 and 2022. That’s just those who are killed mind, not the thousands of women subjected to domestic violence everyday in this country who haven’t been murdered. Yet.

This!

Agreed. It's the kind of thing a liar would say.

A friend's son has an ex. She's threatened to tell everyone he hit her, she's also threatened to tell the police he's molested the kids, Etc. Luckily he's recorded these threats. His solicitor has copies. Roll on the decree nisi. And she wanted the divorce.

It's hard to advise the OP except to protect yourself in case.

Has sworn on the life of his child he has never done that.

In which case he’s a mawkish, weird liar.

I'm not trying to get at you but this line of logic always confuses me. Why is it more likely that both people are telling a bit of a lie than one person is lying and one person is telling the truth?

It always feels like something people say either (1) to soothe themselves from the uncomfortable truth that you'll never really know or (2) to save the bother of actually weighing up the evidence to decide who to believe or (3) having the uncomfortable realisation that one person is actually 'bad' and has abused an innocent party (because it that's true then either you have to face the the fact you didn't see it / that one party you maybe liked is 'bad' and has done something awful / that if it can happen to an 'innocent' party then it's something that could happen to you too)?

Happy to be corrected if there's an actual reason for thinking this that I'm not getting!

Give him a chance i say, but watch for the slightest hint. Tell him you will never tolerate any violence in any way, shape or form including verbally.
When my ExW and me divorced due to her cheating, she told her friends I used to hit her. It was 100% a lie but caused me issues locally for a while as they believed her. It's very, very hurtful to be wrongly accused. I never found out why she said it and it still bothers me some 20+ yrs later. I never shout, let alone hit women.
Anyway, look at Claire's law and if it shows him walk away and don't look back 🙏

It's the point of the discussion. It is the point being made by someone who responds to an OP asking if she should continue this relationship by telling her stories of the rare women who lied, as if we don't know that happens, as if that isn't exactly what OP is struggling with.

Despite what some posters are saying, we are all aware that some women lie about abuse, though most don't. And no woman has to prove herself by dating a man when the risk/reward ratio is in the gutter. He swears on his child's life too, that's a dumpable offence even if he is the only person in the world to do that when telling the truth.

I agree with the Claire's Law application. However, it's not a definitive answer...it can mean that the police have never been involved. It doesn't mean he hasn't been violent or controlling etc towards a woman, just that he's never been reported.

At this moment in time, you don't know what is true and what isn't. Does he see his child? Yes, there are some nasty vindictive women out there, who tell lies. Equally there are some bloody awful men out there who do horrendous things to women.

I would be wary in all honesty. Most men who abuse women can't keep up a facade long-term, the mask slips at some point. Small things to start with, and it then escalates.

My opinion is that despite his protests, I suspect there's truth in what he's denying.