Do I end this based on hearsay.

Yes you should always believe the men, especially the mommies, the new girlfriends and the police.

Must be. Because they told someone else they didn’t do it so that’s ok then.

Oh my god, mine too! Guess we were both mistaken then?

Something else to remember...not dating this guy doesn't mean you're taking anything as "gospel" or believing someone only because she's a woman or any of that stuff. It does not mean you are 10000% certain he did what he's accused of. It just means you don't want to take the risk that he did. And you don't have to.

And it shouldn't be controversial.

None at the point I made my comment.

If he asks out another woman who heard about this accusation, she'd be entirely justified in refusing because she didn't want to take the risk. It's not on her to endanger herself to compensate for the wrong done to him by someone else.

It really is totally irrelevant that a small number of women lie. Most don't. And none are obliged to offer themselves as compensation in the hope that they win the lottery of dates vs violence.

If it's true, he's physically abusive.

If it's not true, you life will be made worse having someone who lied about abuse involved in your life constantly.

I believe victims until proven otherwise, so I would stop seeing him.

I’m not going to wade into whatever bunfight is going on upthread but I do have a little experience to share.
A former friend made this allegation about her ex when they split up. Everyone rallied round her appalled at this seemly lovely man we all knew well had changed so much, resorting to assaulting her.
6 months later they’re back together and we think she’s lost the plot.
Turned out he didn’t actually hit her and she totally exaggerated (she admitted this and said she went a bit far as she was angry with him).
This man had been a pariah for months.
Stupidly he’s still with her but his family won’t speak to her.
He literally did nothing wrong and she tried to ruin his life.
Now your partner could be violent, you don’t know yet. But there are cases like this when men are not and women try to ruin them.
Proceed with the utmost caution, if that’s what you want, but don’t take someone else’s word as if it’s gospel.

What interests me is your certainty.

How do you know for certain, are you the accuser or accused, or did you record and film this couple over time.

Or is it just a judgement on overall behaviour outside of this relationship which led you to believe one above the other.

Thank you too. Yeah, you're not wrong. I guess in my case it was a different kind of manipulation.

And back in my day there wasn't SM or Clare's Law so if stuff went on it could more easily be shoved under the carpet. So less need to start telling your new partner about 'false abuse accusations'.

I've certainly never met a woman who I believe lied about being a victim of DV.

So all things considered, OP should probably part ways with this fella.

I hope you're happy and safe now x

who REMOTELY SAID OR SUGGESTED ANYTHING LIKE THIS?

You, in the posts I quoted. No point getting angry at anyone else about it. I went through it very thoroughly. Did it not make your day the way tales of women lying about assault did? What a shame.

This is not a court of law. Your talk about assuming guilt and your short list of women found to have lied (I assume)... all that is a false equivalence. It absolutely is attempting to draw a parallel between a woman refusing to date a man and a man being convicted in law. But liberty is a human right that requires a process to be withdrawn. Dates are not.

OP is not obliged to hold a trial or gather evidence to make personal decisions regarding her safety. She's got concerns. Rightly so. Most women who make accusations are telling the truth and anecdotal evidence suggests that most people who swear on their children's lives are liars (they're certainly all arseholes). She already has a history of DV and I'm sorry to say these sorts of men are very good at sniffing out potential victims. Yes, a small number of women lie. And? No woman is obliged to put herself in danger to prove anything about this.

She absolutely should end this now and she should not feel one shred of guilt over it. And it shouldn't be controversial to say so.

Big nope.

You need to do a Claire’s Law, especially if you have children.

"Your misogyny and entitlement mean you are incapable of seeing a woman's company as less of an entitlement as basic liberty"

"drawing a parallel between women saying no"

I am done for today - do you see the dribble you come up with? who REMOTELY SAID OR SUGGESTED ANYTHING LIKE THIS?

Sign out please, go and enjoy your dinner or switch on netflix because you must be replying to someone else and confusing who said what here.

One of them is lying. Statistically it is much more likely to be him (about 80-90% chance). Only you can decide if he is worth the risk?

You know.

my rapist tells everyone he didn’t do it.

just saying.

lets just say I know. One partner made up allegations about the other.

Really ?

And how were you so certain someone/some people had made this up.

Were you living with these people 24/7

People do not want to know the truth.

I hope you are safe and well now.

Oh, for...

Your post at 14.59, c&p is being an arse but anyone who cares can scroll back and see. You (and some others) made the point that women can lie (we know, sir) and I responded that women still aren't obliged to date the falsely accused, and you replied by claiming that wasn't the point being made. Except that in a discussion about whether you should date a man who's accused of violence, it quite clearly is.

I'm on my phone so this is annoying. Don't say I don't do anything for you.

literally just shared by story below yours and seeing this has made my day, it's many out there who do this unfortunately. Today 14:52

This is a very dangerous mindset assuming guilt of someone when you have no facts Today 14.55

assuming someone is guilty just because someone said they are and they happen to be a woman? okay Today 14.57

So yes, you are clearly drawing a parallel between women saying no and people being wrongly convicted, and going so far as to call it a "dangerous mindset". I mean, this post here just repeats them all anyway.

You can absolutely assume guilt when it comes to who you date for your personal safety because, as I said, women aren't a man's human right and they don't need to hold a trial to decide they don't want to date you. Or you don't have to assume guilt but you can definitely assume risk, and you don't have to risk your safety because "show me where i said that lol i say it again" on the internet thinks you should.

Your misogyny and entitlement mean you are incapable of seeing a woman's company as less of an entitlement as basic liberty, and that's why you think it's a fair parallel to courts of law and false conviction. It's not. It's just a man not getting dates. Even if you have been falsely accused, it's irrelevant. Women are entitled to see the accusation and reject the risk to their safety. It's that simple.

I am a woman but I bet you will challenge that too

You are right about one thing!

It still doesn't matter though, since the point is not about you, and your ex, and your situation, and what you think women should do, and you and you and you. Whether you're a man or a woman, everything I have said stands.

Yes darling, I used to abuse my ex. Says no one ever.
You've been here before.
Just cut your losses and go. Who needs all this drama anyway?

Thank you for your kind words and I’m so sorry the same thing has happened to you as well.

Yes that’s what abusers do. They make the victim believe they are the one at fault and pass the blame - it’s basically gaslighting the victim into thinking they are the one who caused them to be abusive. I’ve learned not to trust a man who slags off their ex or claims she made up lies about him. More often than not those ‘lies’ are usually true.

Ps. It’s Clare’s Law folks. No I. I didn’t realise until someone who knew Clare pointed it out to me (and even the police got it wrong when communicating with me) but I think it’s important that we get it right given that it’s in memory of someone.

This.
I find it very odd.
Do you really think its likely he would own it?
I don't.
Do the Claire's Law application but I would be inclined to end it.
Whats the point in risking it.
One abusive relationship is enough.