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Original poster

Would my house rules be unreasonable? #1 would be No Male Visitors overnight

157 replies

GreenFriedTomato · 29/01/2026 03:58

I'm female and 55. My flatmate may be moving out this summer so I'm considering getting another flatmate/lodger at some point in the future.
I'm a quiet person and generally easygoing but I would have couple of main rules.

No parties. Very occasional small gatherings would be ok like a birthday dinner but no big house party events.

Most importantly, no male visitors (meaning boyfriends/ ONS). Obviously male relatives or a friend coming by for coffee fine. I'm talking about men/dates staying over

I understand the 'no men staying ' may seem old-fashioned but it's related to me having PTSD and the fact is I would be uncomfortable having random guys staying and coming in and out of the home. It's a small 2 bed flat with a small lounge area.
Many single women have partners/boyfriends so they wouldn't be interested in such an ad anyway, but would it even be realistic or acceptable to stipulate a flat share with this condition?

I would probably enjoy the occasional company of a female flatmate, but she would have a life too and I'm not sure many women would accept to live in a place where they couldn't bring any male friends around. On the other hand, I have female acquaintances who flatshare and never take guys back.

I can't recall ever seen an advert stating 'woman wanted for flat share. No male visitors overnight allowed'. Not in this country anyway. Maybe I should forget the idea entirely.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
GreenFriedTomato · 29/01/2026 04:16

MsAmerica · 29/01/2026 04:06

I'm not sure the issue is whether you're unreasonable. Yes, it's unreasonable in today's world, but it's not a whim on your part.

The issue is whether you'd even find anyone, unless it was a 95-year-old woman whose friends have all died.

I suggest you ask your current flatmate what she thinks is a good approach. It sounds to me as if you shouldn't even have a flatmate, unless you need the money. To me, no normal person would put up with a landlord who objects to occasional parties.

My suggestion is that you see a therapist, if you're not already seeing one, about the PTSD, and consider short-term rentals, where a person might not object to your restrictions if they're only staying a week or a month.

Show quote history

I think there are women under 95 who aren't bringing random men home to stay overnight.
If you meant the parties..that's more to do with neighbours who complain about noise. But yeah I am also bit too old for house parties in this place.
As for the PTSD, well yes that could be triggered bumping into a stranger unexpectedly coming out of the bathroom in the middle of the night.
Bottom line is I just wouldn't want random men in the house, but I've considered short term lets an option. Living near a hospital there seem to be many nurses on short term contracts looking for accomodations. So there's a thought

OP posts:
AllTheChaos · 29/01/2026 04:11

How about a part time lodger, who needs somewhere a few days a week for work, then goes home to their family? They never have overnight guests! If you are somewhere like London it can work v well.

Original poster
GreenFriedTomato · 29/01/2026 04:10

JacquesHarlow · 29/01/2026 04:03

Nothing is “unreasonable” when it comes to your house and what you consider acceptable.

You obviously realise however that it will take longer to market your room to find that right person for you.

Thankyou. That's absolutely fine. I wouldn't be in a hurry to move just anyone in. Houseshares can go horribly wrong if you don't get the right person so I'd definitely take my time.
I've shared with the same person for more than 10 years and now and neither of us have ever brought strangers or dates back so I'm sure there are people out there with the same mindset.

OP posts:
MsAmerica · 29/01/2026 04:06

GreenFriedTomato · 29/01/2026 03:58

I'm female and 55. My flatmate may be moving out this summer so I'm considering getting another flatmate/lodger at some point in the future.
I'm a quiet person and generally easygoing but I would have couple of main rules.

No parties. Very occasional small gatherings would be ok like a birthday dinner but no big house party events.

Most importantly, no male visitors (meaning boyfriends/ ONS). Obviously male relatives or a friend coming by for coffee fine. I'm talking about men/dates staying over

I understand the 'no men staying ' may seem old-fashioned but it's related to me having PTSD and the fact is I would be uncomfortable having random guys staying and coming in and out of the home. It's a small 2 bed flat with a small lounge area.
Many single women have partners/boyfriends so they wouldn't be interested in such an ad anyway, but would it even be realistic or acceptable to stipulate a flat share with this condition?

I would probably enjoy the occasional company of a female flatmate, but she would have a life too and I'm not sure many women would accept to live in a place where they couldn't bring any male friends around. On the other hand, I have female acquaintances who flatshare and never take guys back.

I can't recall ever seen an advert stating 'woman wanted for flat share. No male visitors overnight allowed'. Not in this country anyway. Maybe I should forget the idea entirely.

Any thoughts?

I'm not sure the issue is whether you're unreasonable. Yes, it's unreasonable in today's world, but it's not a whim on your part.

The issue is whether you'd even find anyone, unless it was a 95-year-old woman whose friends have all died.

I suggest you ask your current flatmate what she thinks is a good approach. It sounds to me as if you shouldn't even have a flatmate, unless you need the money. To me, no normal person would put up with a landlord who objects to occasional parties.

My suggestion is that you see a therapist, if you're not already seeing one, about the PTSD, and consider short-term rentals, where a person might not object to your restrictions if they're only staying a week or a month.

dogmama13 · 29/01/2026 04:05

Your house, your rules.

JacquesHarlow · 29/01/2026 04:03

Nothing is “unreasonable” when it comes to your house and what you consider acceptable.

You obviously realise however that it will take longer to market your room to find that right person for you.

Kneeboobs · 29/01/2026 04:01

As long as it is explicit in the ad then absolutely fine, anyone not happy with this arrangement just won’t apply.