Would my house rules be unreasonable? #1 would be No Male Visitors overnight

"Controlling and restrictive" to YOU which doesn't mean the OP is not a good candidate to have a flatmate.

The terms would be completely acceptable to me and quite a few others on this thread.

I think you are totally reasonable, myself. If people want to have parties and bring home BF/ONS, they need to buy a place or rent bedsits (where there will still likely be rules over parties anyway).

Have lived in my road for 20 years - apart from a handful (ie about 4-5) 18th/21st birthday parties, NO ONE has regular parties. I don’t understand why anyone would feel that was normal to expect to be able to do so.

Friends with student aged kids say their kids go to pubs, gigs, organised parties at venues - but they are definitely not traipsing random pick ups in to their shared flats and having drunken gatherings at home. People who do that tend to get short-thrift and asked to leave pretty promptly.

My husband's friend converted his house so that he had 4 bedrooms, each with an en suite, that he rents on on short term , commercial lets to scientists/ engineers working around Oxford . No visitors allowed at all. No cooking facilities ( they have superb canteens in their places of work) . They basically sleep there and it's rare that anyone is there over the weekend. The rules are clearly set out and absolutely respected.

I don’t think you sound like a good candidate to have a flatmate.

Your “rules” sound restrictive and controlling. If someone is paying to live somewhere, I’d want them to be able to feel at home and treat it as such.

i think a lot of women won’t be put off by this and I’m in my 40s. Because it goes both ways, they’ll know by this stipulation that you won’t be bringing strange men into the home either. If they want to have sleepovers they can go to the man’s house.

If I was looking for a flat share I would want this, as long as your weren't bringing men home either. So I think be clear on this.

No one would be forced to live there. Anyone who finds the OP's terms dictatorial is free to find a living arrangement more acceptable to them.

I think its fine as long as you are clear on the advert, and also when you meet them let them know it is a deal braker for you.

They can go to their boyfriends house if its a problem

It's your home and you can stipulate the rules. It doesn't matter what other people think about them. Anyone who thinks they are unreasonable won't enquire.

OP, my DP and I have a lodger and IMO these house rules are perfectly reasonable (we don't apply them ourselves but we are lucky enough not to have PTSD or other compelling reasons; I totally get why you wouldn't want men around overnight).
I'd only say – assuming it's your house – make sure you always use the term 'lodger', not 'flatmate', as they're very different things.

And just be clear. As well as putting the rules in the ad, when people come round to see the place and meet you is a good time to expand on them; you can explain that you're OK with people coming for a few hours during the day or for dinner, or whatever, but that's all. You can also discuss whether you need notice of guests and how much. And you need to be clear about whether you mean no boyfriends ever, or if a boyfriend could come for one of the above or similar scenarios.

Our last couple of lodgers have been part-time and, assuming you don't need to maximise the rent money you receive, I'd recommend this; it means you get a bit of time in the house to yourself, and part-time lodgers IME have more of their own life as they officially live elsewhere and usually have a family or other household there.

Someone has linked to spareroom.com; that's what we've been using. They have a Mon–Fri section specifically for P/T lodgers. There's also fivenights.com . And have you looked at cohabitas.com? It's specifically for houseshares/lodger arrangements for the over-40s.

(Is it the fact they're men or the fact they may be having sex)?
That they're men. She says so; it's about her PTSD and specifically to do with men.

Its a really common rule not to have overnight guests or else folk just take the mick having people over 3 or 4 times a week, one extra adult does impact the electric/water etc.

Would you be happy presumably as a woman, to potentially have lots of different men (if lodger is dating for example) roaming around your home?

My son has a lodger
he puts something like not a party house
calm chilled living
and he also makes it clear it’s a lodgers agreement not a shared house AST

OP, is this your own home? If so, this would be a lodger not a flat share and you can put whatever conditions you like on it. Lodgers really do not expect to have parties or overnight guests without permission.

I think it’s absolutely fine to specify this. Presumably you’d want someone older, so it shouldn’t be an issue.

My experience of helping a family member to rent out a room also echoes this. No guests without prior arrangement and never overnight. A lodging arrangement with a live-in landlord/lady means no locks allowed on the room doors. It would change the type of agreement from a 'lodger agreement' to a single or joint tenancy, with greater protection for the tenant, but less for the landlord.

www.spareroom.co.uk/content/info-landlords/lodger-agreement/

I wouldn't be dictated to that I couldn't have a shag in a room I am paying for .

Will you be abiding by the same rules?

It’s a small flat. I doubt many people who are lodgers in someone else’s small home would expect to be able to hold parties there!

When I was single I had absolutely no interest in bringing random men home and having ONSs. But the idea that I couldn’t even potentially meet a nice man, start a relationship and have him over to stay without moving house would be totally off putting to me. Similarly, in my 20s I moved into a shared house in a new area for work reasons even though I had a bf of several years at that point (now my DH). I certainly wouldn’t have agreed to him not being able to stay over occasionally.

Your house = your rules but don’t assume that you’ll only be alienating the ONS brigade. If it’s a nice house in a desirable area you’ll hopefully find someone to fit either way.

Just write a blanket no overnight visitors in your ad and stick to it. Much easier than saying guests by negotiation or anything else vague. That way leads to boundary erosion very quickly.

You would of course need to make sure you didn't bring random males home for the night. Your lodger would be signing up for an agreement where she didn't run into strange males either.

If I were you, I wouldn't mention the PTSD to a complete stranger. For one thing, it maybe off-putting to them if they don't know anything about it. More importantly, you would be announcing your vulnerabilities right from the get-go.

OP it depends what you mean by flatshare/lodger. If you own your own home or tenancy will solely be in your name and you're subletting a room then yes it's fine to stipulate no overnight visitors. But if you're looking for someone to share the tenancy on a rental then you would be unreasonable.

However I'm looking for a room to rent and your advert would appeal to me. I'm single and child free and my party days are long gone. But many house shares or lodging situations are either with a male landlord which I wouldn't want or HMO's.

Plenty of women would be ok with that. Lesbians for starters (presumably youd be ok with a female partner staying over?), or anyone happily remaining single, or who is willing to go to their boyfriends house instead of having them at theirs. You may need to be slightly below market value to negate the inconvenience, but it wouldnt even be an inconvenience to every woman.

As long as the rules apply to both people I don't think she'll find any trouble at all finding a sharer who doesn't want to listen to other people having sex or have a stranger walk into the kitchen when they're making toast in their pyjamas.
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A friend of mine rents the other room in her flat to a woman who works in London mon - Fri then goes home at weekends. Best of both worlds.

Your house, Your rules. And by being explicit you are likely to find a like minded person. And then you will both be happier.

its a good idea