Would my house rules be unreasonable? #1 would be No Male Visitors overnight

I think it's perfectly reasonable. I would not want random strange men in my home at any time.

I think it sounds fine. Maybe put the part about wanting a quiet flatmate, no parties on the initial advertisement and then elaborate at the interview. I am also a middle aged woman and would love this arrangement.
Another angle in the insurance. By the time you get to our age you tend to have a few valuables and insurance doesn't cover theft for people invited to your home.
The weekday longer is a good idea. Maybe even a student who goes home every weekend if you live near a university.

Gosh, that was harsh. Wanting to keep your privacy in your own home isn't a whim, it's a right.

Your house, your rules and I think it’s prudent to not allow random men visitors. Word it carefully though, I worked with a woman in her 30s who couldn’t get a housemate because her ad made her sound like a diktat nun who wanted someone to pay half the rent but not actually live there..

You can word things like

it’s a lodger contract not a AST. Please ensure that you understand the difference

it’s not a party house

are you the sort of person who has lots of friends around

do you wfh

no drugs, no smoking,

I've lived with lodgers for 27 years. About 100 different people have lived here. I have a rule about this: no casual pickups can be brought back, but if a person is in a long term stable relationship I do not object to the partner staying overnight occasionally - provided there is no noise that keeps others awake. But then again I have a spacious, 3 storey, 4 bed house. In a flat as small as yours, no, I would not allow it at all.

Just make it clear when anyone applies. Don't put it in the ad, though. And advertise on spareroom - it's free.

Was this in Victorian times? She sounds like a petty tyrant.
I've certainly heard though of things like people advertising a room but with no use of the kitchen permitted, all the lodger's belongings must be removed from the room when they're not there etc (this is for Mon–Fri/p-t lodgers).

YANBU

However, back when I was looking for a flat I would always see one woman advertising for a lodger. She was asking for similar things to you, but the advert made her sound like a nightmare.

She was a teacher and the ad came with a long, long list of rules - including being in bed by 10pm, no coming and going after 9pm, no men at all, etc.

On the surface she had every right to ask for what she wanted but the way she was selling herself on the site painted her in a really poor light.

So I would be brief and meet in person before agreeing to anything.

I’m getting lodgers and I will not be allowing anyone at any time in the house apart from the lodger. They’re only Monday-Friday lodgers.

providing you’re explicit up front you can do what you like. It is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT than a house share.

I think some people would find it a selling point.

I rented a room for a bit in a house where anything went. The landlady & the 3 lodgers all had sundry blokes overnight, parties, impromptu 'all back to mine's from the pub. It was great fun! But you never knew if you'd be able to get in the bathroom/use the washing machine/sleep uninterrupted without the sounds of the woman in the room next door, ahem, enjoying her social life.

In my 20s I was fine with it...in fact I had an absolute ball. Then landlady is still a mate & we occasionally reminisce, now we are 30 years older & terribly respectable.

If I needed a room now, I'd much prefer OP's set up. Agree weeknights would be the perfect option, as you'd have your house to yourself for a break at the weekend, & they wouldn't have all their stuff & their entire life in your spare room, so you wouldn't feel nearly so guilty asking them to leave if they turned out to be not a great fit.

I know plenty of single women in their 60s who are completely not interested in men or relationships any more so I don’t think your rule is unreasonable or unrealistic

I think it would be far easy to say no overnight guests than stating male, you open up a can worms including discrimination where as no overnight guests is clear as an expectation

Anyone who finds this unreasonable won't apply. Just make it clear in any adverts and listings that this is a house rule.

I didn't say anything about logical/illogical. But I took what supposedly the best self-defense course at the time, and they had a great track record against attackers.

However well versed in self defence and however strong an average woman is, she’s no match for an average man intent on doing her harm.

Fear of - or more often unease with - strange men in one’s personal ‘safe space’ is an entirely logical reaction based on statistics and lived experience - not requiring ‘therapy’!!

That’s not true. A lodger (a person who lives alongside a resident property owner and occupies the resident’s home under license) is not and does not have the same legal rights as a tenant. It’s perfectly possible for the license agreement to terminate on breach of any condition the resident owner chooses to include.

As I said, I hope you are seeing, or would start seeing, a therapist about the PTSD. You don't want to live your life in fear forever. (By the way, it never occurred to me before, but I wonder if women in situations like yours would benefit from a good self-defense class. I took one once, and for a while it felt like I could deck any man in town, if need be.)

You could run an ad emphasizing the word "quiet": Quiet woman, 55, seeking a roommate in a quiet building on a quiet residential street.

Your idea of a traveling nurse is FABULOUS. You would greatly increase the odds of finding a tidy person, and I suppose that if she travels she probably won't have local friends for big parties. Call the hospital and ask if they have an office co-ordinating traveling nurses.

If I was closer to semi retirement, I'd snap this up! Have fantasies of setting up a female only retirement home / commune a lot.

YANBU!

Do.you own the flat OP?

My parents have a part time lodger like this. He works as a contractor in the area but "home" is miles away and it works well for all parties. Stays Monday night to Thursday night and goes home weekends

I think this is perfectly reasonable, and there will be like minded women who would be happy to lodge in a house where they can be confident of not having to deal with the landlord's male partner. Some may be put off, others will see it as a positive. It's your home and you have the right to determine who can share it with you, and not to feel outnumbered by a couple. Anyway, you presumably wouldn't have a 'no overnight absences' rule, so your lodger won't be forced into compulsory celibacy. You'll get fewer applicants but probably more suitable ones.

As most have said, your house your rules . Just be really clear in the ad. I am 60 and married but l have several single / divorced friends who have NO interest in dating so lm sure you will find a suitable flatmate. Good luck !

Your house, your rules .. brave fir allowing strangers to stay ... I couldn't

my friend has lodgers she lives near a major hospital and has long term locums 1-3 months she has a strict no overnight guests rule, and all guests to leave by 10pm and no guests before 9am; quiet rules as often working shifts,
no leaving washing in machine while at work, has 2 rooms let almost permanently
she has a large house so loads of space so some spaces not available to lodgers
she does have a separate lounge for them with kettle toaster and microwave but use of main kitchen is available too
while she keeps quiet the overnight guests rule doesn't apply to herself if her parents stay for a weekend it's fine ( to be honest if lodger asks for a visitor she has other rooms and f she likes them will say yes to a spouse or sibling etc)
a lodger is often paying much less than a flat share, you can evict with 14-28 days notice if not working out
you need clear guidelines about shared spaces do you expect them to be mainly in their room, can they work from home, can they park on driveway or should they park on street, expectations that dishes are washed immediately after eating, what is reasonable use of washing machine can they adjust heating etc, use of garden, smoking etc, are they just expected to clean their own room and leave kitchen and bathroom as found and ready for next person, some people are only looking for vegetarians or only want halal food cooked in kitchen

the more specific you are may mean it taks longer to find someone but more likely you are compatible
you can easily download template contracts

You can set whatever rules you want for a lodger. Specifying no male visitors overnight will, obviously, exclude a lot of potential applicants and you'll have fewer to choose from when you let the room out. But presumably you're OK with that.