Neighbour just rung doorbell at 2.30am!

A female neighbour crying and in distress is one thing.

A female neighbour bleating that her cat
" doesn't understand gardens" at 2.30 in the morning is quite another.

I didn’t say it was an emergency, nor did I say she physically stopped her husband helping. But female neighbour crying and in distress = yes, I would help, I wouldn’t be ‘fuming’ and I wouldn’t shout at my husband not to speak to her.

It's not different. There could easily be a woman sitting in her house right now typing an AIBU about the OP not helping. She might have woken up a sleep-deprived mum with PND or at 5am a nurse who works nights. If OP has to consider someone else's potential distress then so should cat-owner.

Look at it again. They are replying to a previous poster about their karma comment.

If someone was crying and talking about their cat being in my garden, I’d think they were unhinged and dangerous and encourage my husband not to help. She didn’t physically stop her husband from helping. It’s not an emergency by any stretch of the imagination. Surely you can see that?

maybe it was an indoor cat that got out therefore an emergency as it could be lost, stollen or run over by the morning. I would be really annoyed (internally) too being woken 2am but if its a one off you should have just let DH go and get her cat.

If I was woken at 230, and someone ‘popped around’ with chocs, guess what? I’d still be at work, exhausted.

I have thank you. And I’ve followed the timeline accurately.

Yep. And all my points are about 2am knock, not 5am.

I have quite literally said many times, to have asked the neighbour why specifically she was so upset.

It’s good that her husband did what he wanted to do despite OP trying to shout him down.

With respect, and my deepest sympathy for your friend, what on earth has this got to do with OP’s situation ?

If he had really wanted to help, he would have.

Since he was sleeping again within 5 minutes, it sounds like he wasn't that bothered either.

Though I'm still waiting to hear what the 'help' would've looked like at 2am in the dark with a cat who didn't want to be caught by its owner, never mind a stranger.

Helping someone in distress is quite often done at your own expense. It will always take time, energy and effort to extend that. People shouldn’t only ever help others if it’s of optimum convenience to them.

If someone on here posted that she knocked on at 2am and the woman who answered yelled at her because she has a newborn she'd be told to #bekind to a sleep-deprived mum.

There’s no point fictionalising a completely different scenario where the only likeness is a 2am knock on the door.

Anyone else want to know the cats name and see a photo 😆

I am. She said: ‘Husband then opened the door and she started telling him about the damn cat- I yelled at him to shut it.
He wanted to go out and get it but I said that was mad and would encourage the over protective cat mother to do it again in future.’

She simply didn’t want her husband to help.

Firstly, it’s all one incident when OP has not been bothered by neighbour at all before this.

Secondly, OP posted after first knock only - ‘fuming’ and shouting orders at her husband. So subsequent knocks aren’t relevant.

The last time DS woke me up in the middle of the night I was thinking thoughts not fit to be uttered! He's a toddler though, so gets a free pass. Someone banging on my door at stupid o clock in the morning for a damn cat will get told to fuck off, and I'm usually very polite.

What the fuck? The neighbour wasn't being kind or thoughtful knocking on her door at 2.30 in the morning, how does she know the OPs alarm wasn't going off at 5am for work? I'm sick of all this "be kind" bollocks it's usually used as an excuse for someone to get away with shitty behaviour...

You can, but you don't have to at your own expense at 2.30am. And 5am.

I still disagree that #bekind isn't used on here to mean "To everyone all the time."

If someone on here posted that she knocked on at 2am and the woman who answered yelled at her because she has a newborn she'd be told to #bekind to a sleep-deprived mum.

And we come full circle again in not knowing the full situation. Again, caring once doesn’t have to mean allowing it every time. You can care at the initial (and unprecedented) incident and still put the boundary down going forwards.

and I bet the neighbour didn't give any of that a second thought before disturbing OP at 2am.

So OP should show concern and care despite the fact that the neighbour didn't show any for her? She has no idea of what's going on in OP's life either.

I don’t know my neighbours behind me that well. To be quite frank, if they were ringing my doorbell at 2am, crying because their cat was in my garden, I’d assume they were on crack. And dangerous. Very worrying behaviour.