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AIBU?

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Neighbour just rung doorbell at 2.30am!

581 replies

greywolfie · 29/01/2026 03:18

I'm now wide awake and fumming. She rung twice so I opened the front bedroom window as I worried it might be an emergency. Women stood there on her phone in tears and I thought - oh, she could need help.
My husband is on his way down to.open the door.
Then she says...."my cat is in your garden"
I mean - FFS!
I said "well your cat will get out of our garden"
"Really?"
"Yes. If your cat is still in our garden in the morning we will bring it back"
Shut window.
Husband then opened the door and she started telling him about the damn cat- I yelled at him to shut it.
He wanted to go out and get it but I said that was mad and would encourage the over protective cat mother to do it again in future.
For reference, we have 2 elderly cats that very rarely scale the fence. One night one got over very late and was struggling to make it back (we have stuff by our fence that would've also helped her bloody cat up, if he cared - but their side is just the bare fence). I was a bit worried but would NEVER have rung their bell in the middle of the night! About an hour later our old lady regained her energy and made it back.
AIBU to go round in the morning and point out you don't ring people's doorbells for this reason? It's batshit right?

OP posts:
Christmasinmecar · 29/01/2026 10:57

ShetlandishMum · 29/01/2026 03:20

Or you could have been kind...

Kind can jog off in majority of cases, OP being woken up in the early hours of the morning for neighbours cat in the garden is one of them.
Fwiw, I'm an ardent animal lover.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 29/01/2026 10:57

She's nuts. If I were her cat, I'd stay out until all hours, just to wind her up. Hasn't she heard of rattling a tin of Dreamies, ffs?

countrygirl99 · 29/01/2026 10:56

If someone knocked on my door at 2.30am I would immediately panic that something dreadful had happened to one of my family or a neighbour / that my or a neighbour's house was on fire / Russia had invaded Finland etc. If it turned out to be a cat is in my garden my response would definitely not have been "kind" and knocker probably wouldn't dare approach me for months.

Tillow4ever · 29/01/2026 10:49

OP I think you handled it very well. I definitely think you are correct to go and speak to her about this - she clearly needs to learn about boundaries and what is/isn’t acceptable.

To those saying she should have just helped, I can only assume you are the sort of people who don’t have any sort of sleep issues. Not everyone falls asleep easily, and some once people struggle to fall back to sleep again. Or maybe the OP has a job that means her sleep is crucial for other people’s safety. I’m curious, those saying she should have helped and this was all ok, if OP had said she’s a surgeon and you found out she was due to be operating on you or a loved one that day, would you still have felt so strongly that she should have helped or would you think her being well rested is more important? Or what about if she was a bus/taxi/train driver or a pilot? And you were due to be getting into a vehicle that she was due to drive/pilot and you found she’d only had a few hours sleep after being woken up for a missing cat - are you still saying she should have helped? And if not, why not? Why does it change just because it could impact you?

I love cats. I have a cat, have had multiple cats in the past, grew up with cats etc. I’ve had cats go missing and have searched round neighbourhoods for my missing cats and for neighbours too. I have never once thought it acceptable to go and knock on a neighbours door in the middle of the night. The OP mentioned there’s an ally between them (the neighbour is behind her house) - so presumably it’s house - garden - alley - garden - house, could the neighbour even see for certain the cat was in the garden (given when they came back at 5am saying the cat was in the garden but it wasn’t I think it’s unlikely they knew it was there)? Why wasn’t this neighbour looking hours earlier for the cat? Because knocking at 9/10pm, whilst I wouldn’t do it myself, would have been a more acceptable time to ask for help.

I’m someone that struggles with sleep. I often don’t fall asleep until 1-2am, and then wake up roughly every hour needing the toilet. It can take me 20 mins to get back to sleep on a good night, on a bad night I can lie there for a couple of hours. My alarm is set for anytime between 6 and 7am depending on if I am WFH or driving to the office. If my neighbour woke me up for a healthy, adult, outdoor cat possibly being in my garden in the middle of the night I would be angry. I am constantly exhausted as it is - a wake up like that would scare me (I’d assume something had happened to my son at university or my parents and it was the police knocking) and even if she left immediately, I’d still struggle to fall back to sleep with my heart racing. If I got up to help her there’s no way I’d be getting back to sleep after, and with a number of chronic health conditions plus severe pain levels, I know this would make everything worse for me as I always struggle more if I haven’t had enough sleep. Why is it ok for someone to do that to me for a non-emergency situation? Why should I put my neighbours unreasonable anxiety over my own physical health and to choose my health would make me unkind?

I wonder, if someone had posted on here saying “my cat has been outside all evening and I’m getting worried. He is an outdoor cat, but it’s 2:30am and he hasn’t come in yet. I think I can see him in a nearby garden (the house behind me). Would I be unreasonable to go and ring their bell/knock on the door to ask them to get the cat out of the garden for me?” - I suspect they’d have been overwhelmingly told they would be unreasonable to go and do that. I think even posters telling the OP here that she should have helped would tell this person not to do it. I imagine they’d tell her that she needs to get help for her anxiety, and look at ways to keep her cat in her garden/get a cat flap/make it an indoor cat. I cannot imagine anyone telling her to go and knock on the neighbours door.

Sorry for the long reply!

FlowerFairyDaisy · 29/01/2026 10:46

The neighbour's behaviour was far from rationale. Either that, or they are incredibly selfish and ignorant. I tend to err towards irrational and I feel it would been immediately obvious that this was the case. I would, therefore, have helped her out calmly.

As for the question the OP is asking - yes of course it's fine to speak to the neighbour and explain that she should not ring doorbells in the middle of the night unless it really is an emergency.

wfhwfh · 29/01/2026 10:43

Didimum · 29/01/2026 09:23

The police wouldn’t care a jot about this.

Really? I’ve been lucky enough never to have had this happen to me but a friend did call the police when her neighbours (in a block of flats) had a party and she was woken by hammering in her door and they did come out.

I’d start silencing my doorbell overnight in that case. That way anyone can ring, but OP wont be woken

IloveOwlsandPenguins · 29/01/2026 10:26

MollyMollyMandy33 · 29/01/2026 09:27

It sounds like she was distressed and not being unkind? Yes it’s bonkers behavior, but surely it’s possible to resolve the situation productively and like an adult and be kind.
Honestly, what is the world coming to?
Grow up.

I agree with you .
Personally I’d have a look for the cat AND explain this is what cats do . Who knows what’s going on with this young woman ? Being this upset about a cat doing normal cat wandering could be an indicator that she’s not mentally well / at the end of her tether due to other life circumstances .
We all approach this short life of ours differently & I try to treat other people with compassion rather than getting angry with them as a default.

Drongit · 29/01/2026 10:25

This site is now called Catsnet. 😺😺😺

FOJN · 29/01/2026 10:25

Didimum · 29/01/2026 09:59

‘Be kind’ doesn’t mean ‘be kind no matter what’, which is confused (deliberately) WAY too much in MN, by seemingly miserable people who seemingly hate everyone.

The OP was told she could have been kind in the very first post. The cat was not injured or in danger, it was just being a cat. Indulging a neighbour who has woken you up at 2.30am because they are anxious about their perfectly fine cat is not kindness it's insanity. The message does seem to be "be kind no matter what" and posters who disagree are neither confused or filled with hate. In this situation the expectation for OP to assume any responsibility for the neighbours anxiety is unreasonable.

wizzler · 29/01/2026 10:11

Op I would have handled the situation just as you did. Yanbu

Middletoleft · 29/01/2026 10:08

greywolfie · 29/01/2026 06:43

The cat is now on my wall chilling out. Seems fine. I recognise him as he comes into my garden most nights and yells outside my patio doors- my 2 girls yell back from inside. So he's not an indoor cat.
He gave me the vibe of a cat who'd like a new/bonus family.
If she comes round at 7am she can have the cat but the cat is obviously able to make its own way home if it wanted to. I can't put the cat over the fence as there's an alley in between us.

😁 Sorry I had to laugh. Typical asshole cat behaviour.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 29/01/2026 10:05

Didimum · 29/01/2026 09:59

‘Be kind’ doesn’t mean ‘be kind no matter what’, which is confused (deliberately) WAY too much in MN, by seemingly miserable people who seemingly hate everyone.

That wasn't very kind!

StickySeason · 29/01/2026 10:05

I can’t believe people are telling you to be kind, OP 🤣 Honestly, this obsession with kindness and the pandering to every demand put upon people is ridiculous. “Kindness” is used as a rod to beat people with these days and I think we actually need less kindness towards ridiculous people and their demands, and more tough love.

nOlives · 29/01/2026 10:02

100% right not to encourage that behaviour.

Alpacajigsaw · 29/01/2026 10:01

ShetlandishMum · 29/01/2026 03:20

Or you could have been kind...

Oh get a grip. I and most people would shit ourselves at the door going unexpectedly at 2.30 am. Would I fuck be kind to the stupid bint. She’d be lucky I never told her to fuck off.

ToeSucker · 29/01/2026 10:00

Is your neighbour okay? This is the kind of thing a bipolar family member would do in a manic episode.

Didimum · 29/01/2026 09:59

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 29/01/2026 09:50

So easy to spew #BeKind when it's someone else being woken repeatedly in the early hours though!

‘Be kind’ doesn’t mean ‘be kind no matter what’, which is confused (deliberately) WAY too much in MN, by seemingly miserable people who seemingly hate everyone.

WineBeforeWhine · 29/01/2026 09:58

I wouldn’t have opened the door at that time. Absolutely bonkers of her to come round to you at that time for a cat.

Didimum · 29/01/2026 09:57

AudHvamm · 29/01/2026 09:39

My work was connected with MH services for many years

So was mine. But this is not a workplace, it's the OPs home and her household was disturbed twice in the middle of the night. OP was firm but from what she's reported here, not unkind. It's completely reasonable to have boundaries about what you are willing or not willing to do for neighbours.

And my previous post was based on my experience of two different neighbours with poor mental health, who were not able to consider the needs other people have (such as sleep).

5am is not the middle of the night. Their daughter was going to work, hence why the neighbour asked again.

Didimum · 29/01/2026 09:56

CapriceDeDieux · 29/01/2026 09:38

It's a conflict of wants and needs. She wants to find her cat. The OP needs her uninterupted sleep. I think needs outweigh wants, usually, and especially in this case.

Also for those saying it's a one off - she already came back at 5.

Same reason and incident though. Not repeated behaviour in a meaningful sense.

RanchRat · 29/01/2026 09:56

Neighbour was in tears - I would always help a woman in distress. WTF is wrong with people.

Drongit · 29/01/2026 09:55

ShetlandishMum · 29/01/2026 03:20

Or you could have been kind...

Oh FFS, at 2am?

Didimum · 29/01/2026 09:54

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/01/2026 09:25

Where did OP shout at him to stop talking? She shouted to close the window. I would've done the same because I wouldn't have wanted to encourage her any more and risk her waking us up again the next time it happened.

They were talking through the window - shouting at him to close the window is the same thing. She wanted to stop them talking.

That’s the husband’s prerogative on whether he wants to help or not. If my husband started shouting at me to do something I wanted to do, especially helping a neighbour, I would ignore him and view him as controlling. He can discuss it with me properly the next day, not shout orders at me.

MajorProcrastination · 29/01/2026 09:53

Unless the cat was a lion?!

Seriously though, is she maybe living with anxiety or a mental health condition that made the cat issue more important than it would seem to most people?

I think it's fine to approach her kindly about it today to say "is everything OK? You rang our doorbell at half two in the morning when we were fast asleep. I thought it was an emergency. Are you OK?"

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 29/01/2026 09:52

Moonlightdust · 29/01/2026 09:45

I would have normally said yes very unreasonable, but my cat is a house cat (Not streetwise at all and an expensive breed so at risk of being stolen). If he somehow got out and couldn’t get back over fence, my kids would be beside themselves as he is a much loved member of the family - I couldn’t leave him stranded and also the nights are very cold so would have to ring neighbours doorbell too - sorry.

Edited

But that's a different situation, isn't it. This cat was an outdoor cat, being an outdoor cat.

My neighbours (but one) have knocked on in the middle of the night because their dog escaped their garden, crossed our shared neighbours garden and was in ours and trying to get out our side gate, panicking. If she'd managed she'd have been on the road and could have been hit by a car. Obviously we went and retrieved her.

The same neighbours have a cat who is regularly in our garden overnight and they've never once asked us to bring him back, because it's normal behaviour for an outdoor cat to be outside...