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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH thinks he should have an office space kept clear at home

232 replies

RazedBeds · 28/01/2026 20:30

I am in a job where I visit establishments or work from home. In effect this means I am in and out of my home all the time and WFH about 3 days a week.

DH works in an office, but has the odd evening call to do at home - maybe 2 a month.

He's thrown a strop because I usually work upstairs but move to the basement room when it's very cold, as it's warmer down there and there's an electric fire. I plugged in the fire and in doing so I unplugged DH's monitor that he attached his laptop to when he does these occasional evening calls. He says I should leave one desk completely clear and set up for him and that it's inconsiderate of me not to. If he tells me he has a call I will clear the desk btw, but if I am WFH and will be tomorrow I do leave my laptop set up.

I feel like since I work at home almost every day and he does do very occasionally, it's not unreasonable for me to spread myself across the workspaces at my convenience as long as I clear a desk whenever he wants. He says that's not fair and one desk should always be set up and available for him, that I don't need to use two. For clarity I work at one or the other but it varies depending on the weather and my mood!

AIBU?

OP posts:
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RazedBeds · 04/02/2026 15:08

Nearly50omg · 04/02/2026 14:50

Is he controlling in other aspects of your relationship? He sounds horrible frankly!

No, he is lovely actually. A bit anal about tidiness but he knows and accepts he married a messy woman and loves me anyway.

I started calling myself "Jenny two-desks" (but using my actual name of course) and we had a good laugh about it. He's my pal and I'd be lost without him. Like every other couple, we sometimes disagree.

It's making me laugh that I apparently command 3 or even 4 desks and deny my poor husband a space, but am also coercively controlled by a horrible bully. Threads kind of go off on their own meander sometimes.

OP posts:
Nearly50omg · 04/02/2026 14:50

RazedBeds · 29/01/2026 13:18

Yesterday he was cross because while working in there for the previous 3 weeks I had unplugged his monitor, moved his camera slightly on top of the monitor, and plugged in the fire. I had also left a biro on the desk.

Is he controlling in other aspects of your relationship? He sounds horrible frankly!

FourSevenTwo · 04/02/2026 13:38

snowmichael · 04/02/2026 11:24

There are four desks, she wants all of them
She's the insanely selfish one, and you're supporting her in this insanity

That's not true. She wants to be able to use two of the desks based on weather. The third one is free. And he can still use the first and second one as well, just not in dedicated office mode.

snowmichael · 04/02/2026 11:24

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 29/01/2026 08:36

The problem is, he wants the best one even though he hardly uses it.
He would prefer his wife to be uncomfortable rather than use the allocated office space in the house.

There are four desks, she wants all of them
She's the insanely selfish one, and you're supporting her in this insanity

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 30/01/2026 10:02

Surely it is going to cost a fortune to run the heating all day in the loft room if you make it your FT WFH desk.

Lay claim to the basement and tell DH he is being unreasonable about his occasional use and needing to plug in a monitor.

Greetingscard · 30/01/2026 09:58

I think DH is unreasonable if he only works at home rarely. In addition he has a desk set up solely for his use at work so by insisting on one kept just for him at home , he has two desks. Why is the OP using two desks depending on the season seen as unreasonable but DH having two permanently set up as acceptable and necessary. If she has to always leave it ready for him to use then she always has to plug/unplug etc to save the stress of plugging his monitor in -double standards?

Fulmine · 30/01/2026 09:17

I think he's being perfectly reasonable. He's happy for you to continue to have the use of three work spaces, he just asks that if you use the basement office you leave it as you found it when you stop using it or if he needs it. It's really not difficult to do.

But get another power point put in in the basement, it sounds like one socket is in danger of being overloaded.

Fulmine · 30/01/2026 09:14

RazedBeds · 29/01/2026 17:21

No, I don't mind it, but it can be odd on Teams calls when someone asks why there's a giant dalek behind me :)

Easily dealt with - set up a background for Teams calls so no-one can see what's behind you.

RazedBeds · 30/01/2026 08:58

rwalker · 30/01/2026 07:40

He’s not saying don’t use it just leave it as u find it
the fact there’s 3 desks in the house an OP wants to use all 3 of them is the issue they do t even have to share

That's not true. I don't want to use the third desk in DS2's room, never have.

OP posts:
rwalker · 30/01/2026 07:40

dreamingbohemian · 28/01/2026 22:45

Are people not catching that his use of the desk is 2 evening calls a month???

On what planet does someone need a dedicated desk for a couple hours a month.

He’s not saying don’t use it just leave it as u find it
the fact there’s 3 desks in the house an OP wants to use all 3 of them is the issue they do t even have to share

Uhghg · 30/01/2026 07:15

Surely the best compromise is that DH has his own desk in the boys room - which you don’t touch.

And you have the basement room as your sole desk - which he doesn’t touch.

You wfh so get to choose which area is yours and it sounds like the basement is best but also both get a set desk each.

RazedBeds · 30/01/2026 07:08

99bottlesofkombucha · 30/01/2026 03:41

  1. Sleeping is not an issue; a warm duvet
  2. her son was at high school before he moved out. I know zero high school boys who sit at a desk at home all day on the weekend or holidays diligently working, I don’t see the comparison.
  3. pretty much all the boys I know (many as I have sons and nephews and all their friends and the other hundreds at the clubs and training) run much warmer than me, they wouldn’t need a jumper in environments I’m swaddled in woollen layers with a coat.
it seems very easy for it to have been fine for a boy to live in that room and do homework

Yep, exactly that. He wasn't in the room during the day in Winter when the heating is off.
In Summer how hot it gets could actually be a problem and there were times he slept in the basement office room instead.

One day we will have to get the roof re insulated but it's a big expensive job that we can't currently afford while paying uni rent.

OP posts:
99bottlesofkombucha · 30/01/2026 03:41

vintedandminted · 30/01/2026 01:06

I don't understand how the attic room was good enough for your son to work and sleep in but not good enough for you

  1. Sleeping is not an issue; a warm duvet
  2. her son was at high school before he moved out. I know zero high school boys who sit at a desk at home all day on the weekend or holidays diligently working, I don’t see the comparison.
  3. pretty much all the boys I know (many as I have sons and nephews and all their friends and the other hundreds at the clubs and training) run much warmer than me, they wouldn’t need a jumper in environments I’m swaddled in woollen layers with a coat.
it seems very easy for it to have been fine for a boy to live in that room and do homework
vintedandminted · 30/01/2026 01:06

I don't understand how the attic room was good enough for your son to work and sleep in but not good enough for you

BellesAndGraces · 29/01/2026 18:54

RazedBeds · 29/01/2026 17:49

Well no. It was a shared desk. DH got pissy that I wasn't tidy enough so I retreated to a less professional space to keep the peace, even though he rarely uses that professional space.

It was not ever exclusively "his" desk (except during lockdown, and even then we would swap if I needed to do a private call that I couldn't do from the dining room with kids wandering around).

Your go to method of dealing with your DH’s grumbling is to retreat. Next time, remind yourself that your feelings matter too and hold your ground.

Melarus · 29/01/2026 18:22

But I think what he's saying to you now, albeit super clumsily, is that he would like it to be exclusively his desk. He's requesting a change to the arrangement.

You have three options:

  1. Say no
  2. Say yes
  3. Compromise
RazedBeds · 29/01/2026 17:49

Katrinawaves · 29/01/2026 17:29

Well it’s his in the same way Ukrainians think Ukraine is theirs. Just because the OP fancies annexing his desk as well as the one she uses most frequently doesn’t make it communal whatever the position was 6 years ago (ie pre Covid)

Well no. It was a shared desk. DH got pissy that I wasn't tidy enough so I retreated to a less professional space to keep the peace, even though he rarely uses that professional space.

It was not ever exclusively "his" desk (except during lockdown, and even then we would swap if I needed to do a private call that I couldn't do from the dining room with kids wandering around).

OP posts:
HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 29/01/2026 17:42

Katrinawaves · 29/01/2026 17:29

Well it’s his in the same way Ukrainians think Ukraine is theirs. Just because the OP fancies annexing his desk as well as the one she uses most frequently doesn’t make it communal whatever the position was 6 years ago (ie pre Covid)

Have you actually read what the OP has written?

Katrinawaves · 29/01/2026 17:29

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 29/01/2026 17:21

Except it's not his desk. It's a communal office space that he has decided belongs to him even though he rarely uses it.

Well it’s his in the same way Ukrainians think Ukraine is theirs. Just because the OP fancies annexing his desk as well as the one she uses most frequently doesn’t make it communal whatever the position was 6 years ago (ie pre Covid)

RazedBeds · 29/01/2026 17:21

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/01/2026 16:18

So you dont like working at a desk when there's other people's shit left around?

Can you not just focus on the tiny space left from moving a stack of papers and keep looking at your laptop there?

No, I don't mind it, but it can be odd on Teams calls when someone asks why there's a giant dalek behind me :)

OP posts:
HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 29/01/2026 17:21

Katrinawaves · 29/01/2026 16:54

It would give me even more of the rage if there was a pile of my husbands papers on my desk as well as my equipment having been unplugged! I hate having cluttered desks. I genuinely think better with a clean desk policy. I don’t want to have to squeeze myself into whatever small amount of bare space someone has left for me on my own desk!

Except it's not his desk. It's a communal office space that he has decided belongs to him even though he rarely uses it.

Katrinawaves · 29/01/2026 16:54

It would give me even more of the rage if there was a pile of my husbands papers on my desk as well as my equipment having been unplugged! I hate having cluttered desks. I genuinely think better with a clean desk policy. I don’t want to have to squeeze myself into whatever small amount of bare space someone has left for me on my own desk!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/01/2026 16:18

RazedBeds · 29/01/2026 13:54

No, this is not correct.

There is a single desk in the basement which was originally the home office for anyone to use. I didn't often WFH then. During lockdown DH used that desk and I got the dining room table. After lockdown he works in his work office with colleagues and I am in and out, working at home for at least part of the day most days.

There are 2 bedrooms which our kids used to have. Both are still set out as each boy's room with their stuff, pictures etc. Each of these has a desk in.

When DH first started getting irritable that when he wanted to use it, the workspace wasn't as he would like (I might have had a pile of papers at one side, but would clear the area in front of the screen) I retreated to DS1's room as he was then at uni. I like working up there, it's quiet, but the desk is small and it's cold in winter and hot in Summer.

During the recent cold weather I moved downstairs again. I plugged in an electric heater, unplugging what I thought was the printer but was apparently DH's monitor. I worked down there for several weeks. Then DH needed to make an evening call so I made sure the desk was clear but didn't check what was plugged in. DH got narky and said I was inconsiderate using the desk and not leaving it as he likes it. I think he's inconsiderate wanting it set up ready for him when I use it much more often. He says he just wants one clear desk to use, so I suggested he set up in DS2's room, as he is now at uni. But really DH wants the office left as HE likes, even though it's me that uses it much more.

Where I work in DS's room is not "my" space, it's DS's room with his stuff all around. The office in the basement is the only neutral room.

Edited

So you dont like working at a desk when there's other people's shit left around?

Can you not just focus on the tiny space left from moving a stack of papers and keep looking at your laptop there?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 29/01/2026 15:26

I think it’s fine to use whichever room is warmest but I do think you should clear desk and leave monitor turned off but plugged in ready for use at the end of the day.

DreamOfTheRarebitFiend · 29/01/2026 15:05

I mean, actually, I can see why he was a bit annoyed, if he sat down for his meeting after you cleared your stuff away and then found that his monitor wasn't plugged in and the camera was askew. But in my house, it would just be a quick, 'Hey, could you make sure to plug my monitor back in when you clear your stuff away?' Mentioning the camera and the pen wouldn't even be on my radar.