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AIBU?

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Original poster

visit a friend * [Content note: concerns stillbirth]

62 replies

rosepedal · 28/01/2026 15:47

hi i posted on a different thread. I had a still birth 7 weeks ago. My very good friend had a baby the same time as my story and she wants me to come visit her. she did say i should take my time if i dont feel ready. I feel fine right now but emotions come up at random times. Im wondering if i should just rip off the bandaid and go visit, even though i may cry or should i wait? i may also be fine i jist dont know, im wondering anyone that went through a stillbirth and had close friends/relatives who had babies , when did they go?

OP posts:
Original poster
rosepedal · 28/01/2026 15:59

She said it very nicely. its a bandaid that has to be ripped off but only when im ready

OP posts:
Camerich · 28/01/2026 15:58

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DaisyChain505 · 28/01/2026 15:58

This is a very personal choice and only you know when you’d be ready to make this jump.

Keep your communication open with her. Be honest about how you’re feeling about your loss as well as letting her know how happy you are for her.

Hopefully she can be super supportive and understanding about whatever you decide to do.

I hope you’re getting some on going support and help for your loss.

ilparadodosdoltos · 28/01/2026 15:56

Hmm. It's not a bandaid that can come off at any point. It’s enormous, intense grief. She shows an extraordinary lack of understanding of your situation. Do not feel pushed into anything. I’m very sorry for your loss.

Original poster
rosepedal · 28/01/2026 15:54

im just not sure what "feel ready" means. like her baby will always be my babies age. And will always be a reminder.

OP posts:
Original poster
rosepedal · 28/01/2026 15:53

i was very honest with her and told her the reasons why i didnt come until now. she said the bandaid will have to come off at some point but i should take however much time i need. i just feel bad i want to show her im happy for her and excited for her. Im also very private with my grief. i like to let go of my emotions only in private.

OP posts:
Charel2girl5 · 28/01/2026 15:52

I am so sorry for your loss. I really think you should take your time, I couldn’t even look at strangers babies in the street. It’s too soon and too raw and she will obviously be excited to show the baby off. It was good of her to recognize that you could take your time to visit. Take care x

BudgetBuster · 28/01/2026 15:52

Ah that's so tough. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Could you perhaps arrange to meet as a group in a coffee shop or something? With some other friends and it might not be so daunting... or you can get up and leave if you need to?

JokerOfTwo · 28/01/2026 15:51

I wouldn’t go, there’s absolutely no need for you to “rip off the bandaid” in this situation, allow yourself to grieve. Time and comfort from your loved ones will help you move forward.

If your friend has an ounce of self-awareness (and it sounds like she does telling you take your time) then she’ll happily work with your timeline.

ComeSnowoOrSnow · 28/01/2026 15:50

Sorry for your loss. No experience of this but if she is a good friend, why not arrange to see her but warn her you may not be able to go last minute or stay for long, or hold her baby, due to emotions, which is very understandable.

Bess91 · 28/01/2026 15:50

Only you know what feels right for you. I'm so sorry xx

You may feel better, you may feel worse. I just know my friends wouldn't mind if I went and had a big unexpected cry at their house, because your friend will care about you a lot too.

Lottle · 28/01/2026 15:49

I couldn't stand to look at a baby or pregnant woman after my loss. I'd have to take my time if it were me. I'm so sorry about what you've been through.