Old and invisible.

"Beige Gerald" 🤣
It is always the type who had office power trips swanning around in a suit. Suddenly in slacks in the frozen aisle, deciding on whether to go for breaded or crispy fish fingers.

Yes, it is my role in life to be gawped at by men and seen as a threat by women. Are you for real? Is this genuinely how you see younger women vs older women?

Is there something a bit broken about mumsnet at the moment, or is it a reflection of society as a whole?

I am finally invisible and I love it!

I'm ancient and I don't care much about invisibility.

But once when a friend and I went to a bar abroad, had a cocktail (we look after ourselves and look good for our age I think even though sixties) and we couldn't attract attention to pay so went up to the till. Lo and behold all the beautiful people had arrived and getting attention to pay for our cocktails was hard work! So tempted to walk out. So invisible.
Also saw this when out for a meal with our DDs... we were so not there as the young male wait staff were being ridiculous around them

I think a lot of men in highpowered jobs are terrified of retirement and not being a player. I noticed it a lot at work - men who were really big in their jobs were scared of leaving them - and their wives had long since created their own lives where they weren't needed. There were always a few well-grounded men though who enjoyed their work, took pleasure in their achievements but defined themselves more by what they were outside of work. .

I was pretty when young and got a fair bit of attention. I do notice how I am treated differently now (but mostly treated well - people are nice to older people where I am). I don't care much. I do make sure that I have female medical doctors though - far more likely to take me seriously (although even that isn't a given).

beige Gerald 😂😂😂

I'm 58 and one of the things I dislike about getting older is the "Karen" concept. Young women who don't take any crap are seen as feisty with good boundaries. Men who don't take any crap are seen as strong and in control of situations. But as soon as a woman hits 40, if she dares to complain about anything, she's called a "Karen". Really pisses me off.

There are older men who regularly come back into my workplace well after retirement for lunchtime talks and socials. I think it's because their whole lives were about work. They were 'somebody' at work, well respected etc. And just being beige Gerald in the supermarket must be quite a shock after that.

Im 64 and still get men gawping at me. All I want is for them to piss off. Trust me, when you do get to this age you wont care.
Im not interested in the old grey beards my age. They put zero effort into their appearance.

Nobody ever starts a thread that asks how men feel about getting invisible as they age. Surely they do? Or are there lots of women out their cricking their necks to ogle the blokes with paunches, comb overs and stained anoraks smoking outside BetFred or drinking in the Wetherspoons garden at 10am?

Well I’m jogging on in years, but I’ve ever felt that. I get on as well with people now as I ever did. 🤷‍♀️

How I hate this bit in your original YANBU "and looked at as a threat by other women".

I worry that I will become invisible at work. I will need to work for the long haul, and i hate the idea that people will start to evaluate my contributions differently. A colleague the same age said she'd start to dye her hair again if she needed to find a new job. Gendered ageism is definitely a concern women have outside of being considered a sex object.

I am 50 and get attention from men when I go out, but these men are my age and older not young men which I’m thankful for because I couldn’t think of anything worse than being hit on by a young person.
I don’t feel invisible - maybe I am to some people but who cares I am enjoying my life as much as I can while my husband and I are still able bodied and minded
I am told I don’t look my age and I dress how I want to dress not ‘for my age’ I was attractive in my youth but my youth was mostly taken up with raising children and visiting the park not going out to bars and thinking about about male attention

I do think once women reach a certain age, we would be brilliant recruits for MI5. My secret power is I have become invisible and people seem to instantly forget they have ever met me (it has happened on many occasions)!

I'm 46 and definitely not invisible, however, the difference to twenty years ago is if I don't like the attention it's direct "fuck off" without batting an eyelid.

I think only women feel this way because as women we don’t treat men in the same way and so they don’t come to expect it in life. We clearly enjoy the attention otherwise becoming ‘invisible’ I.e not having random men gawp at us wouldn’t be an issue. I’m largely blind to the male gaze, my DH always loves to point it out to me but I genuinely rarely notice or care.

You don’t have to be attractive to men to make them leer, just young and female

One of the best things about getting older/old, is no longer giving a monkey’s cuss about what other people think.

Plus, as a pp said, giving zero fucks about the latest fashions, especially when they’re hideous (yes, barrel legs, I’m looking at you.). You just go for what suits you and is comfortable.

What a stupid post. You state this as fact when it isn't.

If everyone over 50 was 'invisible', I would knock into many people on my walk into and from work for a start! 😂

How do you mean? I'm 50 and I don't feel invisible.

In fact, far less than when I was 25 when I used to say stuff and feel that people didn't listen or take me seriously half the time. I feel like people ask my opinion and give weight to it. Both at work and socially.

But this is such a false choice!

Of course I accept (in 50s) that I am less ‘visible’ in that young men in the street don’t whistle at me. This harassment is not something I miss! But I am absolutely not ‘invisible’ to my partner who gives me plenty of attention. And I make the effort to be strong and healthy and well-groomed and wearing things that suit me - in exactly the same way that I make the effort to have an attractive, well-lit, well-presented house.

It is really not the case that the only options for middle aged plus women are either to sink into a sort of dull grey invisibility and accept it; or to mourn their days of being whistled at & frantically try to recapture youth & its ‘advantages’. You can be strong & healthy & look good & have a great sex life even though you’ll never see 50 again.

I wasn't conventionally "attractive" when I was younger so I'm not sure how people like me might be expected to vote there.

I'm 67 now and have aged better than I expected. I'm quite happy, never having had to bear the AWFUL burden of being gorgeous in my youth.

This is one of the few aspects of aging that I love! I work in a very male heavy environment (although it's changing a lot now). I used to get hit on by male work colleagues all the time. I've always got on with men better than women but there was this awkward sexual tension in my 20s, which I hated. The fact that I clicked with them and got on easily with them, made them think they were in with a chance (they weren't, I was in a relationship with the man who is now my husband.)

Fast forward to now, in my 50s, and it's great, I can work and socialise with men. At work, they respect me for how good I am at my job. At my hobby, I can chat with men with none of that horrible sexual tension.

In fact, I'd say I feel less invisible than before. In my 20s I was purely visible from a sexual point of view, but now I'm visible for my chatty, friendly personality and how good I am at my job.

Standing at the bar. 🙂