Being treated better after losing weight - how true is it?

I think some people liken being fat to some sort of failure in life.

I have a (thin) friend. I have lost weight via mounjaro and she made an excuse to see me because she saw I had lost weight.

She then seemed to think that because my sister was still fat(ish) that she would be sitting at home, in the doldrums and jealous because I was thinner. It’s a fucked up way of thinking and said more about her than me, but she definitely equates being fat with failing in life (and my making an effort with clothes / make up / hair was irrelevant because I was fat).

Very true.

They see you as worthy to chat up now!

I don't really know how to vote, because I'm not sure exactly how the question is being phrased. But I've lost 8 stone and seen a massive difference in the way I'm treated. I think there's an overwhelming (and absolutely ridiculous) presumption that fat people must be failures in every aspect of life. So the base assumption is that if you're fat you're also stupid, lazy and unsuccessful and should be treated with contempt.

What @tabbycandykitten and others said. There may be an element of other people specifically reacting to the weight loss especially if somebody was previously quite big, but personally having lost weight I’m dressing better, thinking more about looking good rather than just ‘passable’ and feeling more confident. I think that makes more of a difference - people respond to the improved confidence and positivity.

I get more attention now from men and women. I look much better and more attractive now, so it's not really surprising.

Not with weight really as normal BMI but I found with cancer treatment people are much nicer and more likely to speak with you when your hair and breast was back and looking more feminine again. And mostly really nice (though an odd few cold as ice) when you very obviously are doing chemo. The difference was more noticeable with women especially women who look similar when hair is back.

I was 12-13 stone for much of my adult life.

For the last 2 years I have been 9 stone and let me tell you how different men treat me! Women - absolutely no difference. Men - suddenly hold doors open for me, make eye contact and smile at me, and they start conversations with me - in the supermarket queue, at the gym etc. (I’m not certain if they are just friendlier, or chatting me up but I’ve been invisible to men for the last decade and now mid 40s they suddenly talk to me!)

Not sure if it’s due to my weight, or me being more confident and holding my head higher. Probably a bit of both.

I get a lot more second looks. I had to lose a little weight because of hereditary heart disease and I really noticed the difference in public.

Some people carry a bit of extra weight well, and some look great (my SIL is gorgeous) but I do not. My face becomes bland and flat and I become pretty shapeless overall.

Good post, it’s definitely a bit of both.

I do still wonder how much of this is perception/confidence based and how much is actually being treated differently by others. It would be really interesting, for example, to hear from other women who have never been overweight and what their thoughts are about how they’re treated. Personally, I am and always have been a slim size 8, I’m not unattractive, and can’t say I notice people treating me any particular way. Some are nice, some are indifferent, some are downright unpleasant, but I’ve always felt that has far more to do with them than it does with me 🤷‍♀️

I have gone from size 16 to size 8 and haven’t noticed any difference whatsoever.

Edited to add, aside from the odd occasion, I am generally treated well when out and about. I am told I dress well, and I have an RP accent, which might contribute to that?

Attractive people are treated better. So someone slim and well presented, nice looking, will be treated better than someone plain or unattractive.

It’s also about professionalism and competence. People assume overweight women (and perhaps men, I wouldn’t know) are less capable than fitter healthier looking ones.

Basically if you can’t manage something as basic as feeding yourself properly, why trust you to do anything else? It’s not unlike being wary of someone with an alcohol or drug problem.

I’m speaking as someone who has been size 14 to 24 and back again more than once.

This is true for me. At my heaviest , I was a size 16 but when I lost weight, now a size 8 to 10, first I think I became a bit vain because when I would otherwise wear baggy clothes to hide being big, etc, now I can wear everything I’ve always wanted to wear, im happy to try more things with the kids, I’m happier etc. This boosted my confidence and then people definitely treated me differently. I subconsciously don’t think I’m being judged when I’m eating a cake for example where as when I was bigger, I would think people are thinking about it. But more people now talked to me really

Usually it’s a confidence thing.

I put on weight and although people were still nice to me and I still had attention from men - I didn’t put myself out there as much, I didn’t dress as nice, I didn’t confidently walk into a room and start up conversations etc but once I lost the weight again then I did - I didn’t even realise I was doing these things at the time.

I know some women who are very big but they have people falling over themselves to be around them because they’re confident, friendly and beautiful. All of the men want them and show them more attention than slim women who are less confident in themselves.

I know a woman who was a size 18 due to steroids.
Over the years she went back to her original size 8/10 (no lose skin and looks amazing).
She says that at a size 18 she felt amazing and would get so much attention but now she has lost all of her confidence and can’t seem to get it back.

So I don’t think it’s necessarily weight related and more how you feel about yourself.

Yep. When I’m thinner and ergo more attractive, I definitely notice I’m treated better. Im never morbidly obese either- just fluctuate a couple of stone and at my heaviest am a size 16.

PS that is all about me BTW, I am not saying that all overweight people are like I was when I was overweight.

When I lost significant weight I noticed a definite difference, but there were two parts to it, one that was other people and one that was me. It's very hard to separate the two, because the truth is that whilst yes people did treat me differently after losing weight, I also behaved differently. I had more confidence, better self-esteem and self-worth, I felt better and had more energy to be engaged in things and join in, I dressed better, I was more assertive at work, got promoted, and I was just overall more 'active participant' or leader rather than spectator, in many facets of life. This came across in a lot of ways and it's hard to separate what was me behaving different and what was people objectively treating me differently.

If I look only at areas where personality and behaviour ought not to be apparently different whether overweight or slim, e.g. ordering at a bar, queuing in Starbucks, walking down the street, faffing with a parking ticket machine in a car park, then yes, in those situations I was treated better...more engagement, more offers of help, more smiles, just less of a sense of being overlooked and ignored and invisible. Of course my behaviours might have led to that ignored/invisible feeling, but I think there was objectively a difference too.

I'm 43, have lost 5 stone, and haven't noticed any difference whatsoever in how I'm treated by strangers. I'm a pretty outgoing, extroverted person and have always been very comfortable socially and that's just stayed the same. Maybe someone who has come out of their shell more thanks to weightloss might feel a difference ? I agree it could be an age thing - I'm not getting chatted up in cafés by young men anyway :))

Unfortunately, pretty privilege is real.

I lost a lot of weight at one point, and I was so uncomfortable with how people (mostly men but a few women) changed their attitude to me that I ended up putting most of it back on. People who had never even noticed I existed before suddenly "saw " me.

Basically,
Fat is Invisible.

I lost 10 stone last year and it's insane how differently people treat me

of both sexes

I've gone from size 16 to size 10/12 and I've also noticed everyone much more helpful - holding doors open for me, friendlier in shops and cafes. My weight has yoyo'd over the years and the difference in my treatment does appear to track with my weight.

I've lost weight on MJ recently and haven't really noticed a difference. However, I was only low 30s BMI so that may be why. Also still have typical mum vibes, which I'm happy with and don't want to change.

I have gone from a size 18 to an 8 and notice the difference, but then it might be self perpetuating as maybe I look happier and stand taller.