Giving money to adult children?

Why would you let the state waste hard-earned money if you had a better way? The one thing that 50 adult years has proved to me is that if you allow a person who didn't earn the money to direct how it is spent, then 90% of it will be wasted.

There isn't a moral value in it at all - MN is just weird when it comes to work and money.

I think it’s important to think critically about where our values around work come from. We live in a capitalist society. Does work have intrinsic value? Are there other ways to live a good life besides working and achieving? Maybe Nicola is happy. There’s a reason why a lot of people who don’t need to work don’t. Fulfilment can be found through other avenues when we’re not shackled to making money.

Thank you! Some sense spoken. You could still teach your kids to be appreciative without holding them literally to ransom with money.

this is my view. If I can help my kids then I will - and they can look after me when I am old and infirm!!!!

It gives my parents pleasure to help us and our kids financially. I hope to do so too if my time comes as a grandparent too. My kids are grateful and work very hard, and I love helping them when I can. Some people think that helping kids after they turn 18 leads to a life of laziness. That doesn’t have to be the case!

I agree - we do this too. They work very hard and it helps our grandchildren.

Where is the actual moral value in struggling, though? Does it really make us better people to struggle? I don't know if it does. I think plenty of us would be far more altruistic than we are if we didn't have to spend all our time and energy on doing jobs we don't like just to survive.

Why shouldn't people have a smooth ride if they're able? Why would you want to see your grown kids struggle if you don't have to?

I work for a very wealthy self made women who heavily subsidises her adult children's lives (one has an unemployed partner and child the other is at uni which is different) and it shows me that it's a terrible idea. Help, support and a leg up of course but paying for the day to day living for healthy capable adults in their 30's isnt good for anyone. If they were contributing or giving back to anyone other than themselves in a meaningful way (or where just nicer people) I could see the merits but I also think that they should have to pay tax on it.
I feel some parents smooth the way too much for their children, a little bit of struggle gives them tools to cope and a sense of pride and achievement.

But you would be able to continue freely to enjoy your business it would be an option not a necessity, i am sure lots of rich people do things that give them purpose.

I am from an Asian culture. Parents give money to adult kids, adult kids give money to parents when they need it, nobody charges each other rent unless poor etc! We have paid for our kids’ university fees and they worked very hard, and got grad jobs. I will help with house deposits if I can. Zero regrets. It’s what we do in our family and has no bearing on work ethic.

I think they have to launch themselves into the world. I’d help them get a property if I had that money but then they’d be on their own

My mum gives me £100 a month which is a lot for her. She tells me to save it for her grandchildren’s future. So I do. I would be embarrassed otherwise.

What motivation has she got to go out and achieve anything for herself when she can basically sit on her backside and receive that.

I guess it comes down to, do you have to achieve something? And there are self-starters that don't exclusively do things for money.

I think if we can. We do. My DD lives in my house in London (I don’t). She shares with two roommates & their rent covers the bills & her an allowance … she’s a student. She plans to work over summer (and save her allowance for her gap year 😂)…but it’s essentially not costing me anything. Life for young people now is enough of a struggle. I always thought I would be a tough love Mama …stand on your own two feet, fly the nest etc as that’s how I was raised, but I’m not 🤷🏼‍♀️ I want my DDs to have an easier life than me and the space and time to enjoy their youth and make the right decisions. Would I give them a million a month if I had it??? Probably not … that kind of money could do a whole lot of good in the world. I probably wouldn’t do much differently.

50p a week or £50k a year?

👆🏻this and we’ve recently had a lesson on it in our family.

My family came from nothing on both sides, worked incredibly hard and made good financial decisions, myself and both my brothers have repeated this having been brought up to understand the importance, although we have been supported in small ways when we show commitment ourselves, but always equally.

My husband, raised by his father, same as us.

His stepmother… brought up filthy rich, no concept of money at all, has basically made stupid decisions, tossed money up a wall over many years, been bailed out by her brother many a time. Brother can no longer keep bailing due to his own ill health, although bailing her out has simply left them in an even worse position, and now her and by FIL (who believes in the ‘happy wife happy life’ concept and just cow-tows to her and her ‘mental health issues’) are having to live in one of my mothers rentals with her brother as guarantor at the moment (won’t leave my mum vulnerable after how sensible she’s been all these years). We were due to help them out in buying a place, but MIL need for control over the money saw her make a stupid decision at Christmas that means that’s no longer possible, so who knows how this will play out how long term 🤷🏻‍♀️.

My advice to anyone, respecting it’s everyone’s choice, helping here and there is fine, but make sure your kids know how to do the best they can for themselves and invest, even if you reward them a little along the way.

I woukd not believe everything the media says, especially The Daily Mail.

I’d work if I had £1m a month.

I run my own business doing something I’m passionate about. I also have a day job that pays the bills. I’d give up the day job and keep the business.

Don’t get me wrong - I wouldn’t work full time and I’d have much nicer holidays and house than I have now - but it’s important for me
to feel I’ve got a purpose in life.

We are planning to pay for our children to go thru uni as neither of us left with any debt (as student loans hadn't been invented) so don't feel it is fair to saddle them.
Then when the time comes we'll help them out with a deposit on a property.
Plus they are welcome to come on holiday with us anytime, which they do, when it is somewhere nice or skiing and we will pay for that - I appreciate that is bribing them to hang out with us.
Also putting money into their pension, which they can't get their hands on until we are well gone and is to avoid IHT.
So some nice to haves but definitely not funding the day to day.

People who give out unsolicited advice are generally best ignored, IME!

Yeah, I agree. Most people don’t have fulfilling jobs. Many people have awful, stressful jobs, working many hours so their mental health is shocking, no time to spend with their children and financial worries.

£80000 for a bottle of wine???

That’s how I feel about it @99pwithaflake

It’s just that some people have commented that he should support himself and it will push him to get a job. It’s soul destroying watching him but apart from him doing extra online courses and applying for everything what can he do? He pays for the enhanced linked in which is very expensive.

What's soft about supporting your struggling child?