Giving money to adult children?

I think Peter Jones’ position has been slightly misrepresented. I don’t think he said he wouldn’t financially help his DC it was more that it may not be equitable and he wasn’t going to give them his whole fortune. For example if one became an entrepreneur and was earning millions and one became a nurse or teacher he would give the latter more help.

Helping DC to go to uni, buy a house etc. is reasonable. Giving £1m per month for life is not helping them to become functioning adults.

Expecting DC to learn life lessons e.g. how to earn a living, co-operate with others, resolve disagreement via compromise etc. is not unreasonable.

Same

Threads like this always make me laugh. I, hand on heart, can honestly say I would find way more "life purpose" on a beach in Costa Rica than I would in an office working as an accountant.

Yes, if I was a billionaire, I'd happily give my kids loads of money so they can do whatever they want to do in life. And, hopefully, it would be joining me on that Costa Rican beach!

I meant that as in I personally would happily pay for education etc I just wouldn't pay thousands monthly to provide the equivalent of a wage.

Exactly.

Why would anyone want to see their children suffer, struggle and go without when they can easily afford to prevent it? It's such a bizarre way of thinking to me and seems so unkind and cold.

What's wrong with giving your children money if you have plenty? What's so good about making them struggle, 'because it's good for them'. I remember struggling and it wasn't good for me.

I work hard, full time. I enjoy my job but it’s not my purpose in life. I do it to pay for nice things. My purpose is to have a fucking fabulous life and that includes making sure my son does too! If I could bung a million a month then I absolutely would!

Right, but they're not lacking in skills because they've had money handed to them over the years. That's a false equivalence.

But that is what their actual struggles are 🤷🏻‍♀️ Because money has been thrown at everything else, personally yes I would also help but I would want to do it knowing the had the skills and where with all to take care of themselves too.

My parents are the same as yours, it's lovely :) DH's too.

We own our home, run our own businesses etc. but my mum still sent us money to buy a new washing machine a couple of years ago, and when we got married, DH's parents wrote off the money they loaned to help us with our house deposit and solicitors fees.

DH's dad also helps look after our dog while we work and refuses to take any money - if we offer, he will shove it back at us and tell us not to be "so bloody daft" ha.

Probably more about saving himself tax than doing the best for his daughter- yes the really rich really are different.

That’s lovely of your parents. They still want to make your life easier. And it will give them joy too.

• his mother’s

She goes to a selective private girls school in London

I find this really sad.

I’ve worked since I was 13, now own a house with a husband and a child and have a good job but my parents still occasionally pay for something (we had some floors recarpeted recently and mum just sent the money for it even though we’d already budgeted for it) or transfer money to treat ourselves. That behaviour doesn’t stop me working hard or appreciating what I have and it’s something I will do for my own child when they’re older.

granted they’re not the Peltzes but they have a comfortable life and like being able to treat their children.

I mean, they're not remotely what I would consider struggles either.

But you're the one who said "a bit of struggle gives them tools to cope" - I (wrongly) assumed you were talking about actual struggles, not having to fly premium economy, lol.

Personally if I had the money to help my children, I would. I can't imagine sitting there with thousands in the bank while they went without.

We earned everything we have. At 70, we choose to help our only DC, who is an agricultural apprentice on NMW (with a creative degree) to cover the cost of living in Surrey. Our needs are met, we can't go on sunny cruises because of DH's medication; our house is paid for, and there's something in the bank for food and medical care, and exercise classes and books and clothing etc.

It’s a shame then that D&V didn’t give them better tools to make their own livings instead of not putting emphasis on education and just focusing on red carpets and luxury yachts as normal.

Nicola’s father is a billionaire.

That kind of life and financial situation is so far out of my realm of expertise that they might as well be living on the planet Mercury. Or maybe I should.

But most of all, their living arrangements are none of my never mind.
I don’t know them.
I mind my own business.

I’m going to concern myself with people in my OWN LIFE.

It’s my dearest friend’s birthday today. All my energy will be focused on her — and not on people I read about in the news.

We gave both our sons their house deposits plus helped with furnishing said houses. We sometimes still take them on holiday and we have recently bought one son a new (to him) car as he needed a bigger one as grandchild number two arrived.
They’ve never asked for any of it but are appreciative. They both work hard and I’d rather give it to them now when they need it most than spend decades with it sitting in the bank waiting for us to die.

My kids both have student debt but I can’t help them. I’m not going to beat myself up feeling like a failure because of it.

I know someone who has two sons. This person is wealthy and self made. Their sons are both in their late 40s/early 50s and living in a flat above the (large) garage. They both work for a bit and then travel. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I'll want to help with uni, weddings, house deposits etc where possible, but I think children need to learn to stand on their own two feet, ultimately.

Because they create other problems, it makes smaller issues the big problem and they don't know how to deal with them because someone has always smoothed the road.
I also don't know that I would call it real struggle to have to fly premium economy rather than business, pick a slightly cheaper carpet, accept the free car even if it isnt the one you want, make and pay for your own appoiments, pay your own small income tax? Because childcare, mortgage, holidays, clothes, food, renovations, gym etc were already taken care of.

Well, when you're a born billionaire, I guess you just have to find a purpose that isn't making money. Most of us have stuff we'd rather do than work.

What motivation has she got to go out and achieve anything for herself when she can basically sit on her backside and receive that.

Perhaps her motivation wouldn't be money. Plenty of people without money drift aimlessly.

Ah, this would make sense. I have a family member who married into a wealthy family across the pond. Surprisingly small amount in her will when she died, considering she’d sold a large house to downsize to a small flat.

Seemingly, he’d persuaded his mother to transfer him a large amount of her savings as he wanted to appear be as affluent as her family were.