Father crashing about kitchen every time I try to settle baby

I agree, @Tryagain26 - @GooglieWooglyWooglyWooglyWoo isn't unreasonable to ask her dad to keep the noise down, or not to crash around the kitchen while the baby is falling asleep, but expecting utter silence would be unreasonable.

Babies do not need silence to sleep. If they did my babies and grandchildren would never have slept!
They are perfectly capable of falling asleep around normal household noise.

I can see both sides here. @GooglieWooglyWooglyWooglyWoo is knackered and sleep deprived, and is just desperate for her baby to sleep - I’m sure most of us can empathise - but previous posters aren’t entirely wrong to say that the world can’t revolve around a baby. I don’t think she is being outrageously unreasonable to want a bit of peace and quiet while her baby is going to sleep properly- not utter silence the whole time he sleeps, of course, but “Please don’t crash round the kitchen/please wait 10 minutes before making a coffee, dad” doesn’t seem unreasonable.

But I don’t think she is expecting the world to stop for her baby - she is asking for 10 minutes quiet whilst the baby gets off to sleep properly, and I don’t think that is unreasonable. Nor would it be utterly unreasonable to ask the other adults in the house to keep the noise down while the baby is going to sleep - expecting complete silence would be unreasonable, but it is possible to make a coffee quietly, without crashing around the kitchen.

Last year we had a holiday with ds1, our DIL, and their three children - a 3 year old and 9 month old twins - and we had to do things a bit differently to normal - different meal times, for example, or fitting in trips out to suit the babies’ needs - and we were happy to do what was necessary to make sure that ds1 and his family had a good holiday. The flip side was that they weren’t making unreasonable demands - there was give and take, and understanding, on both sides.

Perhaps you should go home.. it sounds as though you are used to being in your house alone and doing things a set way and can't cope with a change in routine.
If you stay with other people though you can't expect them to creep around because you need silence to settle your baby. Most babies cope with background noise because they have to and because in the womb thet have constant background noise. If your baby needs complete silence to sleep I think you should take him into the bedroom away from the kitchen or for a walk.
I understand what it's like to be sleep deprived with a baby who won't settle but I think you are being unreasonable to expect your parents to walk on eggshells , not get themselves a drink etc while you spend a long time trying to settle your baby

Take the kettle with you next time. And the cups and the coffee.

(Better still, chuck the coffee out of the window next time you need to settle the baby and tell him why you're doing it.)

And don't ever go on holiday with this dick ever again.

Honestly don't have any more children! Not if you can't settle one child with a bit of background noise!

My goodness who knew the world was so full of inconsiderate people. I must be so fortunate that I am in my 9th year of having a napping toddler and absolutely everyone knows to shut up at nap time and not make noise. Everyone is aware that this is for everyone's benefit, because without sleep the day just does not pan out. I would literally go insane if anyone did not adhere to the no noise rule at nap time, especially in the 10 to 15 minute window as they are dowsing off!

I would also add that OP says she spent hours 1 day trying to get the baby to nap. Two things: if it's literally taking hours, give up, if time of day and weather are right put baby in pram and go for a walk. If, again, it's taking hours not only will the OP be frazzled but probably everyone else too.

I'd tell him, and mean it, that the next time he's banging and clattering when you've asked him to be quiet, you will go home because he's ruining your holiday. He's just trying to be the biggest baby.

well OP really stirred up the hornets nest here.

i would like to know

1. how much actual noise is he making? Is it coffee grinder, bean to cup, or kettle and nescafé?

b) nobody, nobody at all picking up on "make him a coffee before you go to put the baby down for a nap"? Or is OP too lazy to make her dad a coffee (or get her mum or DH to do it?)

iii) why isn't OPs DH taking over since she's so tired?

Are you planning on having more children? Good luck with that! What are you going to do if an older child makes a noise? Babies need to get used to sleeping through noise. The best advice I had was to vacuum etc when they were asleep to get them used to it

Maybe it depends on how you yourself sleep on how sympathetic you are to OP!

I am an incredibly light sleeper but DH sleeps through anything (luckily the kids are like him!). He is so noisy in the morning and once he’s up then that’s it for me. Whereas I can have the radio on, lights on etc and he’s fast asleep. But he just doesn’t understand why I wake up so easily

Can you change your accommodation or go home? It's the only way you're going to be able to get your point across.

Solidarity. My parents are the same. I spent my entire childhood and teenage years not getting enough sleep because they believed I need to just get used to noise.

To this day, the sound of my mum banging dishes around the kitchen makes me MURDEROUS.

They are the same around my baby.

I have just cancelled a family visit with them because I can't bear another 2 weeks like this (we had them over for Christmas). It's a shame as they are wonderful grandparents otherwise. But I need sleep. My son needs sleep. We cannot be under the same roof as them.

My mum got worse with fucking menopause as she wakes at 4am and can't stay still. At all.

I think OP was unreasonably annoyed at the noise of the coffee machine because her teething and difficult to settle baby wouldn't go to sleep and she had said she was going out with her husband, presumably happy to let the (noisy) grandparents babysit.

The pod machines can be really noisy too and they’re not uncommon in holiday accommodation

Not disputing that men CAN be twattishly loud be there are also those that just make normal levels of noise when doing normal tasks.

The poster had said about bean to cup being ridiculously loud, which it is, but the likelihood of this being the case in what sounds like fairly standard holiday accommodation (thin walls, etc) is a bit thin. So we're then back to a normal coffee making process which, unless DF is being a dick and doing everything as loud as possible, is fairly inoffensive on a noise level.

As I said on my previous post, we could do with a touch of clarification from OP as to what the actual situation is after removing her tiredness and distress from the situation, which always makes everything worse

I did SHAMELESSLY use "you'll wake the baby" to get certain people to be quieter :D

It was annoying knowing that they could choose not to thump around like a brass band.

Even if they don't have one, it's possible to crash around. As pp have said, some men slam cupboard doors etc and that'd be too loud for anyone trying to sleep, not just a child.

Tbh though, I just dislike noisy men in general. I'm not alone, there was a thread about it recently. Men who slam doors open and shut, clatter plates and cutlery, have a heavy tread, grunt, belch audibly, smack the table emphatically when talking, bellow with laughter, shout with anger.

My dh moves like a cat-burglar naturally, you wouldn't know where he was in the house, he talks under his breath and chuckles softly and never ever shouts. My FIL is the same (except for snoring which he can't help).

I so dislike clumsy, noisy men with no consideration for others.

I assume that works both ways?

Do not go on holiday with anyone who doesn't respect you or listen to you. Big mistake. He won't change so you must make decisions based on that fact.

Is a coffee grinder likely in holiday accommodation though?

Everyone says making a coffee isn't that loud. Yes, it is, if it is bean-to-cup.

Our coffee grinder is by far the loudest appliance in our house, far louder than the hoover or hairdryer.

Waiting ten mins to make your coffee is no hardship. Coping with an underslept toddler all day is torture.

Maybe because her mother thinks she's being ridiculous too?

anger here is weird. Baby is in an unfamiliar, stimulating environment plus under the weather. A nap can be the difference between a pleasant afternoon for mother and baby and a really shit one for both. Poster has made a request that costs no-one very much to help with. Man is going out of his way to inconvenience her.
It's at least worth being sympathetic to, even if one's children happily slept through cannonfire.