I'm autistic and strongly suspect I also have ADHD. Undiagnosed until aged 35 - 40 now and VERY good at masking (most of the time nobody would have any clue). Never had any positive relationship role models growing up - significant childhood trauma. Had one long relationship in my 20s which was violent and abusive and led to me having a breakdown and having to rebuild my life. Short-term/non-serious after that until five years ago - he cheated on me repeatedly - never let anybody in since then.
Have recently reconnected with someone I knew at school. Things were going well I think but he's absolutely too intense - constantly messaging and wanting to see me and feels put out when I say no. A lot of the time is because I need A LOT of decompression time - fast-paced busy job with multiple meetings and long long working hours which leaves me burnt out a lot of the time. Most nights I just want to make food, meditate, and sleep. He can't seem to understand that and think if I'm 'free' I should want to spend time with him.
I committed to plans with him Thursday night (overnight from about 7pm), Friday day time 10-4 and Saturday night (again overnight from 6pm). To me this is a BIG DEAL and I can't remember the last time I spent this much time with someone (although I lived with my abusive ex he was in the military at the other end of the country). But to him it's not enough and he's still complaining!
Am I being unreasonable or should he be more understanding? I've tried and tried and tried to explain to him what it's like for me but he doesn't get it. Any resources I could signpost him too? We're also have difficulties with my incredibly blunt communication style and hatred of speaking on the phone, which alongside the space thing has bubbled up and ended up in an argument. I do actually like him though but I can't carry on like this!
(To add: I also have dysthymia and anxiety and am coming out of a period of significant depression. He knows all this and I've suggested I might not be in the right headspace for a relationship but he says he wants to support me regardless)