To ask if you’ve lived alone did you struggle

No, I loved it. It was strange for a while, but then I took control of my life. Invited friends round for meals (cheap like chilli). Joined a couple of clubs - walking and art. That built a social life, but I wasn't on the go all the time, I really enjoyed the peaceful times. Also eating what and when I liked. Generally being completely in charge of my spare time.

Nope I loved living on my own! Lived on my own for most of my 20s and then a couple of years in my late 30s. Although I am an only child so very much am used to (and enjoy) my own company and solitude.

Having said that, DH is a lovely, calm (and clean!) person and a joy to live with. We're very similar and both enjoy a peaceful life and home. If he wasn't I would probably still be single and living alone!

I am wondering what there is to struggle with? You do not mention a disability or finances so it is a very vague question you are asking here but no I have not struggled as a single mum who has lived alone (besides the kids) in over 20 years.

@Legally77777 can you elaborate on what you mean? What are we supposed to be struggling with?

I’m 60 years old and so I don’t care if this chapter means being selfish for first time in my life.

Its far better to be so the and live alone than compromise just to settle for a man in your bed

Then is it selfish to say I don’t care, because I’m living in the way that makes me healthiest & happiest?

After my divorce it took years of lodging & flat sharing before I could afford to rent & then buy alone. I cried with happiness on the day I was able to close my front door & know nobody else would be coming in unless invited.

👏👏👏👏👏👏

I think living with someone- no matter how much you love them- is a compromise and gets harder as you age. I have an adult DD living with me and even that is hard. Ideally I would love to live on the same street as all my loved ones.

From my early twenties to fifteen years ago I co-habited with various people (I'm now mid sixties). A couple of marriages, then kids, then adult kids, who all gradually left home. Then I was in a semi-detached relationship for nearly ten years, where we'd travel to each other's homes several times a week and every weekend until it struck me that I was dreading yet another weekend of having to accommodate someone else. It didn't help that he was particularly... stringent in his requirements and rigid in his thinking.

I wanted to be free. I found myself in the fortunate position of being able to buy a little house (I'd been renting), so I moved in alone and ended my relationship. I've now lived alone for five years. I thought I would hate it and be lonely but it's quite the opposite.. I even get itchy if I have one of my (now adult) kids staying for more than a couple of days.

I have friends, I have a social life. Money is the biggest stumbling block, but I wfh doing something I love and make enough to get by. I have a dog and live in a beautiful part of the world. I will never live with a man again, although I might just be persuaded to co habit with one of my daughters, should ill health on either side make it necessary.

Not the same as what?

I think that if more women unapologetically put themselves first and approached situations from a default position of 'Does this work for me?' there would be far less unhappiness, resentment and people-pleasing, and probably far better relationships and friendships. .

I think DH and I would get along better if we lived next door to each other. It isn't even that he is messy. I am the messier one.
But I am in my 50s and just want to do everything as I like, with no compromise.
I don"t care if that's selfish.
However London prices make a Helena Bonham Carter arrangement untenable!

Well the trouble is that people often become selfish in general.

I'm sociable too but it's not the same.

I’m a very social person. I love going out with friends, mixing with work colleagues and generally getting out and about.
Whether you’re sociable or not had no bearing on wanting to live alone and enjoying your own space at home

And like many older women we’ve spent our entire lives compromising to suit others, why shouldn’t we now relish a bit of selfishness and our own peace?

I lived alone between the ages of 23 and 33. I wasn't always happy but I have never felt as "at peace" as those years. I did my own thing, ate what I liked and was responsible for noone but myself. I love my husband and kids but my life is ten times harder living in a family unit than on my own.

(I think people who live alone tend to become weird and selfish over time as I think the absence of compromise and the pressure of total responsibility for everything are unhealthy)

We do still talk to other people 😂And compromise and solve problems with other people like at work etc.

I lived alone from 25-30. Just me and my cat. Loved it. Didn’t answer to anyone, did my own thing in my own time. I’m married now with teenagers (boo! Hiss!) so I’m in everyone else’s time 🙄 I miss it. Don’t tempt me.

I did 13 years before I met ex husband and now looking forward to doing it again, although this time I have DD.

I like it. I struggled living with my ex.

Get a Spider Catcher from Amazon-mine is called a Keplin Foldable Spider Catcher.

It's a very long handle with soft bristles at the end. Take the holder off the bristles, place them over the spider-even big buggers-press the clasp on the handle and it folds over the spider. They're trapped and they can't get out.

I then open the front door, hold the bristles away from me, release the clasp, it opens up and the spider scurries off.

Life changer!

I'm someone who loves living on my own but I adore good company too - they're really not mutually exclusive for me.

Also, as I said up thread, I feel an unnecessary responsibility for people around me. My dear mum always wanted my company and I used to feel awful having an early night or spending time in my room. If I was upstairs for over an hour she'd come tapping on my door and ask if I was coming down soon. Don't get me wrong, I'd love her to tap on my door again now, but it used to make me feel guilty.

I'm determined to enjoy the time my friend is lodging with me atm, but she's another quite needy person.

I'm really uncomfortable with feeling responsible (rightly or wrongly) for someone else's emotional wellbeing. I'll totally support those I love, but I can't put their needs above my own on a constant basis.

Oh, well that’s nice.

I love company, I’m usually the one who organises meet-ups & I enjoy hosting. But I can only actually recharge & fully relax when it’s just me.

I've lived alone for the best part of 15yrs. Lived with someone during the covid bubble times, and he drove me to distraction.
Having said that, when I found a grass snake curled up in front of my sofa (about the length of a ruler, and the thickness of a pencil - it was still the size of a Python in my eyes..) He did come round and remove it for me😁
I'm better on my own. I like my own company, work part time from home, holiday alone, have a small group of friends who I see a couple of times a month, but I love the times at home with just me and my dog.

Are you a journalist?

If so, you need to frame your question in more detail to get relevant responses.
If not, the same applies.

Either way you are colossally rude not to come back to your own thread.

Absolutely 100% agree. I didn’t live alone until o was in my 50’s and I wish I’d known years ago how liberating it is.

I feel like I’ve done my time looking out for everyone there and now it’s my time to be selfish and put me first.

I have great friends and family I enjoy spending time won but I wouldn’t ever want to live with anyone else again. I love coming g home and shutting my door on the world for me time.

I lived alone for 5 years and it was bliss. As others have said, it was

• house being fresh and clean
• things exactly where I left them
• no football on the TV, in fact mostly no TV at all
• no mardy fucker whinging, moaning and making a bloody mess
• no bad mood vibes so that I had to guess what it was I had supposedly done
• being able to do whatever I liked
• peace and calm silence

There's a lot more, too. But I was earning quite well at the time, so that made a difference. In the end I moved in with my partner but I remember those days with great fondness.

Struggle with what? Finance? Loneliness? All the household chores? Knowing how to change a light bulb?