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Original poster

This annoying grandma!

34 replies

Heboughtsomanygrapes · 27/01/2026 20:37

Have posted about her before, but she’s still not respecting boundaries.
Young type grandma (late 50’s) lives in a house behind our house, granddaughter is often there (girl is in Dd’s school) Dd wants to play with her, but they have a love/hate relationship and often fall out so I try to discourage it.
The girl often calls over the fence to Dd, but since the weather has been bad, she’s not been able to do that. She calls or sends messages to my WhatsApp, which I often ignore if we’re busy.
So now the Grandma has taken to driving up outside the front of our house to either drop off the girl (without even asking?!) or the girl will call out of the window for Dd to come to her house.
I often say no as it’s when we’ve literally only just got in from school minutes before and we have snack, relax, homework etc. Dd then explodes as she wants to go there (hate her going there as this girl speaks rudely to her grandma and they watch Youtube, which I don’t allow unless occasionally with our supervision)
Last time I was cooking and said no to Dd as she was quite bad with a cough and cold, Dd went to tell them she wasn’t allowed to go and I heard the grandma say that it was ok if she had a cough and they didn’t mind and she could come over-constantly overriding me. I suspect Dd is possibly Nd and she tends to get all riled up
by this and it causes arguments between us. I’ve asked grandma to please just send me a message to see if Dd can play and I will reply to her, but she still turns up at the door

Driving me nuts, why is she doing this!

OP posts:
Original poster
Heboughtsomanygrapes · 27/01/2026 22:41

Damnd · 27/01/2026 20:47

Reply to the WhatsApp that you are busy? And deliver the child back home if not convenient and ur dd will have to learn and the message soon gets across... Doesn't sound that tricky to me tbh

It the child who uses her grans phone so I ignore it as it’s constant

OP posts:
Original poster
Heboughtsomanygrapes · 27/01/2026 22:40

Swaytheboat · 27/01/2026 20:42

Given what you know about her, why are you sending your DD out to say she can't play?

"Hi, we haven't arranged a playdate so X can't come over. Please message me next time otherwise we'll probably have stuff on and I don't want you to get DGrandaughters hopes up".

Because she’s outside the front shouting and I’m usually busy in the kitchen, Dd wants to chat to her friend too. Ive sent this message but she still persists 😔

OP posts:
Rhaidimiddim · 27/01/2026 21:34
  1. You explain to DD in an age-appropriate wat what your objections are. Including especislly that grandma' behaviour here is rude, pushy, not nice.
  2. You explain to DD that you also object to the YouTube thing and anything else relevant about what DD is allowed to do at the grandma's house.
  3. You accept that you want this to end so resolve that you do not want DD playing over there. And that the way to do that is to not let her play over there ever again. To that end, remove the WhatsApp connection between your daughter and them, send the kid home every time she is dropped off at your house, and ignore the cross-property shouting.

If your DD kicks off, start at point 1 of this post again. Train all three people here. Set your boundary and just hold it. Every time.

Fat- finger typo edits.

ItsameLuigi · 27/01/2026 21:27

Is this the same child who you've found playing on the trampoline with your dd at like 7am before?

BlackCat14 · 27/01/2026 21:12

I’ve read your identical posts on this issue before. Have you not taken on board any of the advice you were given previously? It’s just going to be the same on this thread.

SingaporeSlinky · 27/01/2026 20:55

Can you set some boundaries with your daughter first, like no weekday play dates? Have a calm conversation about it and explain like you did above - that time after school is for snack, home work and family time before dinner etc. Or agree Fridays would be ok, but not as and when the neighbour feels like it. Make the decision from your end.

Then go round and tell the grandma that unfortunately you’re having to stop week day play dates because of reasons above, but she can message you to prearrange them on Fridays or weekends. But be firm and tell her she can’t just go dropping her granddaughter off anymore.

Raineys · 27/01/2026 20:48

Kindly OP, but you need to stamp this out.
Firmly with your daughter and then with the grandmother.

You are rewarding both for trampling all over you.

Tell your daughter you will not tolerate any push back and stick to it.

Text the grandmother that you are not happy with her imposing on you and going forward there will be no futher playing unless YOU issue an invitation.

The teen years will be absolute hell for you if you don't lay down the law.

This woman wants an easy life.
She couldn't care less about you or your boundaries.

Find your inner bitch and let loose.
Don't hesitate to be rude, and offend her.

I couldn't be tolerating such interference.

Damnd · 27/01/2026 20:47

Reply to the WhatsApp that you are busy? And deliver the child back home if not convenient and ur dd will have to learn and the message soon gets across... Doesn't sound that tricky to me tbh

Swaytheboat · 27/01/2026 20:42

Given what you know about her, why are you sending your DD out to say she can't play?

"Hi, we haven't arranged a playdate so X can't come over. Please message me next time otherwise we'll probably have stuff on and I don't want you to get DGrandaughters hopes up".