to not accept that this is a "thing" that most people do?

@saltinesandcoffeecups I don't think i ever knew anyone who was 'dating'. Usually a couple of dates would be too see if you were then going to go out with someone, which always seemed more fixed than dating.

I only remember one actual date with dh, which was the week after we'd met. Maybe because we'd met as a one night stand, meeting for a date was just an irritating pre cursor to the main event. I mainly remember him coming round and cooking for me because my cupboards were so sad. I guess I'd have said I had started 'seeing someone'.

As a teen/ student, it was more going round each others' houses, or getting off with each other in the corner of a pub/ club on a night out with a range of mates. Maybe it was the circles I moved in, but no one 'dated'.

Not on the level you are talking about but I think it was a "thing" when I was a teenager (mid 00s). When 13/14 a boy would just ask "will you be my girlfriend" often by text.
Late teens you'd have 3/4 dates then usually the boy would ask you to be his girlfriend.

I met my husband in my early 20s and he asked me to be his girlfriend.

And this 'exclusive' nonsense.. In my day, you went out with a lassie and you might've suspected there could be another couple of other guys hanging about in the background, but that just made you have to up your game and make sure the lassie liked you the best and dumped them. 😄

So at the beginning rather than after months of exclusive dating?

It does seem a bit odd to me, but I come from a generation if you went on a second date and wanted a third that was it, done deal, unspoken. I guess the newer method does make things less ambiguous, I just don’t understand why it’s weeks or months down the line.

My DD was amazed that exclusivity was the given right from the start in my day. Two-timing not acceptable at all. I'm early 70s.

As an aside, in the part of the North I'm from it was often called courting, though the expression was seen as old-fashioned by the youth in the early 70s.

You’re saying it’s outside the norm…..I speak with lots of young women/girls and they believe it’s very ‘normal’
If the woman I spoke about was my ‘friend’ I’d try to persuade her she’s worth more. That’s the relevance

Shit. I’m married, have lived together for six years, have a joint account, mortgage and a dog and planning a baby soon but I’ve just realised he never officially asked me to be his gf, nor did we ever ‘define exclusivity’ - FWIW, I assumed this was implied from the first date tbh!

28 here and I totally agree with you, OP.

Yes it's ridiculous. It's all done in stages now. After a certain length of dating they then become ' exclusive'. My ds split with his long term gf then they got back together but wouldn't admit they were back together, then after a few more months of this denial they went ' exclusive' again and then he could announce that yes she was actually his gf again ( which we had all known for months anyway ) .My dd on the other hand was asked to be ' exclusive' quite quickly which she was overjoyed about. My other ds seems to be the sensible one- started seeing his gf at aged 16 and there has never been anyone else she was his gf from day one and still together seven years later !

Not you personally....😄

I’m mid-thirties and 15 years ago my now DH asked me ‘will you be my girlfriend’ before we did anything other than kiss.. seen as old-fashioned at the time but that meant we were exclusive and both knew where we stood. It wasn’t a mini proposal just a straightforward question from a decent guy :)

I need to? It’s completely acceptable on social media which is where most of this bollocks is peddled.

My Ds 17 asked for money to take the girl
he’d been seeing for several months out for a meal to officially ask her to be his girlfriend 😂
I was like “wtf”??

She agreed - and then dumped him soon after!

It does appear to be a thing. Whenever I referred to my son’s gf he’d say they hadn’t had the talk yet so not officially bf/gf. But you’ve been going out for months? Yes but we haven’t had the talk. Well for goodness sake have the talk! They had the talk and now the’ve been bf & gf for 9 months but dating a year. Sheesh (late teens/20).

sorry? Point still stands though

She’s not my friend, it’s someone I know.

My first boyfriend was in 1994. We snogged when drunk, slept together and that was it. I think he may have asked if we were going out together after a week or two.

We never "dated". We got drunk with friends, went raving in groups, but always ended up in the same bed which was sweet.

My current partner of 4 years - we are both early 50s. We slept together the second time we met. The third time we met, he told me to tell him if anyone else "turned my head" (this was his way of saying we shouldn't sleep with anyone else). After two months I was in the room when he described me to his friend on the phone as his girlfriend and stopped to ask me - "Is that ok?"

I've never dated.

That’s basically it. I hear so many people - usually women - being strung along waiting to be asked . All the while they are doing the usual girlfriend/boyfriend things. It’s ridiculous.

So yeah OP, unfortunately it is very much a thing for people nowadays especially those under 30.

A few years back back I told a man if he still couldn’t decide I was his girlfriend after 6 weeks of “exclusive dating” then sex was off the cards as I don’t have sex with men I’m not in a relationship with . He was fuming.

He started breadcrumbing me thinking I’d run back and jump in his bed, but I completely cut him off.

So it goes :

Dating - then exclusive dating- then boyfriend/girlfriend chat 🤦🏽‍♀️

Strangely it’s a thing. My DS 30 was chatting to me about how he’s goingvto have the conversation with his (I thought) girlfriend next weekend about whether they’re a couple. I’d been under the impression that she was his girlfriend for the last 8 months!!

No, I think your friend is outside the norm on this one regardless of the labels being used.

Why is she putting up with that? Sadly that's a self worth problem right there 😕

yeah that's a good point, going steady was very different from dating historically.

DD is a man-eater. Took her a long time to decide to be committed to just one guy. That decision had nothing to do with M or F taking the initiative though. It was mutual decision. Also something she announced.

I could never have multiple romatic prospects at once in my life. One was enough to occupy my thoughts!!

What's this 'we'...? It's daft wee lassies that you need to talk some sense into...

We did things like that but didn't call it dates and not always as a couple.

Sounds made up by someone chronically online who only ever has theoretical relationships

(not pp, whoever starts this stuff)

I work with young people and the whole set up often seemed generally weighted on the side of the guys. The girl nearly always falls madly in love with the guy she’s talking to but it’s not exclusive (even though they’re usually having sex). Male then ghosts or stops talking to girl and she is devastated but isn’t ‘allowed’ to be upset because they were never ‘official’ girl’s friends don’t offer much support either as all seem to live by this rule for fear of being branded a jealous psycho.
I know of a 26 year old woman who has been ‘talking’ to the same guy for over 5 years, holidaying together etc but STILL waiting for him to ask her to be his GF…..meanwhile he carries on with a free pass.
When will we stop normalising this misogynistic bullshit!

Haha yeah, I forgot about "going steady!" 🤣