to not accept that this is a "thing" that most people do?

God, let's not bring that low-context culture American stuff over here. It's bonkers.

I think they do it on Love Island and it’s bled into real life 🙄 A bit like those god awful gender reveal parties for pregnant couples. Just another excuse for loads of social media posting and playing at “life”.

Definitely a thing on Love Island. They go through each of the phases.

That all sounds very complicated. I was married within 7 months!

Also, in the US, couples move much quicker. I moved to the US in my late 20s and my British friends/family could easily be together 5-10 years before getting married. Here, some people do “date around,” but that’s very much a big city thing. Most American relationships I’ve encountered, you might “date” for a month, then there will definitely be a proper conversation about if you’re a couple, but most people are either engaged/married or not together anymore within two years.

A lot of this new stupid prom proposal/gender reveal/girlfriend proposal/Maid of Honor proposal business is firmly rooted in social media and getting people to spend money.

I don’t know I’m in my 30s but when I was younger I preferred having a conversation about things rather than just assuming anything when seeing someone. This seems over the top and ridiculous though.

I think this is more about technological changes than being an American thing. People tend to meet on apps or social media so they are dating more in isolation that we did. When I was younger, you’d at least tangentially “know” the person via friends, work, being regulars in the same pub, etc.

When I was in my 20s (late 90s/early 2000s) there were three phases to it: “seeing someone” which meant you were going on dates and probably talking on the phone in between but with no expectation of exclusivity; “going out” which meant you were doing the same but with the proviso that neither was doing that with anyone else; and “in a relationship” which meant you were introduced as a bf/gf, would go to big events together, had met each other’s families etc.

Seems like they’ve just added a step or two, like “talking” because their early interactions and the first few weeks at least are conducted primarily by text/social media with the odd date. I have young adult DC and I do worry this phase rushes some of the emotional intimacy in a bit of a false way. The bf/gf “proposal” concept is just plain bloody daft.

"The talk", is an American thing which has polluted our shores.

*I mean if two people were seeing each other, if one didn't want exclusivity they would have to make that clear otherwise it was assumed.

I think what the Americans posters are saying is that this whole "will you be my girlfriend" proposal (with flowers, balloons and filmed for social media) isn't a US thing, rather than dating itself not being a US thing.

Americans generally seem to be unaware that "dating" US style wasn't the norm in the UK (or European countries from what I can gather) in the 80s, 90s and 2000s and that as you say we just saw someone exclusively until we broke up. I always felt like the burden was on the other person to say if it wasn't an exclusive thing, although I don't think we'd have used that "exclusivity" terminology back in the 90s.

These girlfriend proposals seem to be an extension of US dating culture (with even more stages), the effects of dating apps which brought "dating" to the UK and seems to have replaced our previous norms of assumed exclusivity, with a hefty dose of Love Island and social media batshittery thrown in!

I have two teenage DDs and it’s a whole other world out there now. I do actually think it’s much healthier! They seem to take things much slower, question much more regarding compatibility, take steps back if things are moving too fast …they know so much about love bombing, DARVO, consent, coercion etc I wish I’d been half as well equipped to navigate potential romances at their age!

In my day I was his girlfriend after the first kiss until he asked me to marry him, his fiancee until we were married, and his wife after that. I know times have changed but I am not so sure every new thing is for the better.

I’m mid 30’s and this was a thing in my teens and 20’s.

Yes it's a thing my son and his girlfriend where like this.
I said after months & months oh so your together then meaning gf/bf he said no I haven't asked her to be my girlfriend yet .
They're together now :-)

It doesn't have to be sexist. My daughter was dating different boys until one said he wanted to be exclusive and she considered her options and said yes, and let the others know! I think it's weird. It was only for about two weeks though, not six months

Yeah dating a few men for a couple of weeks and probably doing not much more than kissing them, before making a decision is very innocent and miles apart from the men you read about on here.

That is SO different from the scenario a lot of young women in their 20s and 30s are complaining about .

I don’t think women would be bothered at a man dating a few women over a few weeks before figuring out who he wanted to move forward with and focus on. That would be considered very respectful behaviour actually in today’s dating landscape.

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Yeah I agree, it's not more advantegous to the guys. In the real world, women have lots of options, guys way less.

I'd be mortified if someone did a 'mini proposal' for me! Currently dating but it's important for the guy to not get the wrong idea and building their world round me, so I'm avoiding any conversations around bf/gf and dodging invites to meet family and friends, as I'm open to other options as and when they present themselves.

When it's someone that's more serious though, you know, because you're together all your spare time, constantly communicating, making a big mutual effort etc. There's no need for all these formalised stages, if a guy believed in those, they wouldn't be for me.

It's definitely a thing amongst Gen Z. The yoof make things so hard and complicated for themselves.

Wow, I’m clearly old as that only had to be announced when we were teens. It’s was organic as an adult and assumed as opposed to having to discuss it. It was discussed if you weren’t going to be exclusive, and were just being casual. Otherwise after a few dates and shags you were “going out” 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm 51, in my dim and distant past...boy asked girl out, girl said yes = you were boyfriend/girlfriend. It was simple. I don't really understand why it's all been made so complicated!

Agree. I dislike that term too. Half a person?

I know you're championing women here and that's wonderful, but I think you are tackling it from the wrong angle.

A lack of independence and assertiveness in (some) women is a real problem. Modern day rules/trends/whatever are fine as long as you're able to communicate well and put yourself and your needs first.

Alongside that there's still too much societal pressure on women to couple up, and play silly, sexist, 'I'm the prize/put a ring on it' mind games to get there.

Those of us who care about young women should be encouraging them towards resilience and emotional intelligence so they can live fulfilling, independent lives separate from relationships and men. Not advising them to lock a man down as soon as possible.

I guess it means different things to different people. Exclusive might be the step before bf/gf.

I'm not in the dating poll and am old. I had DC before baby showers and gender reveals. I don't have to understand.

It seems harmless enough on the face of it. Funding a Instagram life is hard, especially for younger people. I'm glad not to be young sometimes. Social media brings a lot of pressure.

A 17 year old daughter of a friend said she had a partner. I assumed it must be same sex - no, this ‘ Oh the term boyfriend is so awful, I’d hate to use it!’
Im apparently still learning…

I asked my 21 year old son. He said that it’s because “ no one has time anymore” You trial 3 or 4 so you know who you get on with better.

I did throw in that until you were exclusive you had no idea if people were masking their true selves on uninvested dates. He conceded our way was better.

I am 45 and we used to say ‘meeting’ when I was in my 20s. Which sounds equally as corporate 😂