to not accept that this is a "thing" that most people do?

I’m mid 50’s and remember dating two or three men at a time, then they if I liked one more we’d have a chat and start ‘going out’ with each other. They’d then become my boyfriend and the understanding was neither of us saw other people.

The pertinent difference being that 1950s dating did not involve sex.

It’s a thing, it’s nuts. I’m in my 50s. We just used A bit of ato go out, get bladdered, snog someone and if you saw them next week, that was it.

I have 4 kids(adults) the youngest two 22 and 23. They told me ages ago_ you start by talking, then meet up and date(the first one has to be special) then you're seeing each other, then decide to be exclusive or not. Then agree to be bf and gf, but still seems old fashioned as seems to be the male that does the asking on another special date, with flowers and gifts. WTAF, who can be bothered???
Seems weird to sleep together but not be bf and gf, but I am v old fashioned 😃

It's not universal, I'm 20s, have never done this and find it pretty bizarre. But then I also hate the concept of marriage proposals as well.

Is it rooted in other people's perception of her? As in, if it's not instagram-official, it doesn't exist? And there has to be an "event" to make it instagram-official?

Or perhaps it's that this man/boy has become sufficiently reassured that the woman he's sleeping with is fit to be introduced into his world a gf way?

Either way, what a regressive way to go about meeting someone.

Its a young person thing...
I got a real telling off from DS1 when I referred to a girl he had been seeing for a while as his GF, in front of the GF.
He hadn't asked, so it wasn't official.
Well excuse me if having sex with her repeatedly in my house, and involving her in family events gave me the wrong impression! 🤣

I remember reading an article about the advantages of 1950s American dating. Saying that keeping things relatively casual stopped a girl particularly from getting too tied in too early. That you should look around even in what we'd consider a rather old fashioned setup. And doubly important in an era where engagements cane rather younger.

I can see the logic in having a 'what are we'd talk and agreeing to be exclusive etc. Much less leeway for claiming a misunderstanding. Open communication is a good thing. I wouldn't want to feel that some sort of fancy occasion for TikTok was needed though.

I don't think I've ever had a chat about being exclusive or being bf/gf. Surely at that point your together and shagging all free hours of the day anyway so it's quite obvious what it is.

I agree that's ridiculous. But I can't really talk as i have no idea, my (now husband) 'asked me out' over MSN messenger 😂

DD is early 20s and it’s utter madness - and definitely giving guys an excuse to date multiple women whilst maintaining its ‘acceptable’.

I’m In my 50s and I have explained that back in the day if you liked someone you’d literally say ‘will you go out with me?’ and you’d then being ‘going out’ with someone and therefore bf/gf, and you proceeded to go out with them until such time that you didn’t want to anymore, and if you went out with anyone else in that time that was cheating.

A side effect of this new shenanigans is that as asking someone to be their gf is seen to be so overly serious an awful lot of guys insist they aren’t ready for a relationship and it never gets to that stage.

When I was 16, I asked the guy I was seeing what we were and he replied "well, I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend". was. Never actually did.

However, 20 years on having gotten married, had a child, bought a house, I think he probably did want be to be his girlfriend. At least he did actually ask me to marry him!

I think what you describe isn't uncommon, but personally a quick conversation would work, no need for the rest of it

Surely we all need to explain to our daughters that you tell the lad that if they want to date you, they don't date anyone else, or your legs stay quite firmly closed. End of.

I remember at 17 a lad trying to ask me out when he was already seeing another girl in my 6th form. I point blank refused, most girls i knew would have done the same. All this shit is definitely just a way for young men to avoid committing & giving themselves the opportunity to play the field.

I think the whole "proposal" part is over the top. However, as person who has been diagnosed with autism and who was in a long-term relationship with someone who didn't communicate his feelings, I need a conversation surrounding exclusivity in a relationship. I get too anxious if things are not clear.

Of course it’s American. The whole concept of ‘dating’ is.

Yes, same with my teenager!

So basically I said I wasn't happy to carry on if he was sleeping with other people. He said well will you be my girlfriend?
So that sorted that. A bit drawn out, but not a meals and flowers situation. That said, we got engaged at home in the garden so that might be our style!

I was never asked to be an official girlfriend, but I married him anyway.

I do think it's a 'thing', now. My grandson (23) has just informed me he has asked the girl he is going out with to be his 'girlfriend'....happily she has accepted.

Me and my husband have been together 14 years, we were “seeing” each other for about 4 weeks and then he just said to me “so are we going out or what?” And the rest is history 🤣🤣

the issue is all these love islanders coming out the villa and making a big show of asking someone to be their gf, it’s more OTT than a marriage proposal!!

Ha yes this!!

I’m not aware of this at all. Is crackers

I think after a few weeks of seeing dh I probably made a “am I your girlfriend then?” type comment in a jokey informal way. He probably said “I guess so” and then that was that. 20 years ago!

Yes, I’ve seen a YouTube short from an American who lives in France. She posts interesting videos about cultural differences and recently spoke about this, saying she had twice discovered she had a boyfriend without realising it!

Oh what bollocks. I despair.

I'm 37. Been with my (now) DH eight years. We were together three months before having the exclusive conversation. Before that I'd have been annoyed if he's got with anyone else but it wouldn't have been a breach of trust.