to not accept that this is a "thing" that most people do?

Nah still sexist regressive twaddle.

I'm in my 20s and only dated three people before DH, but they all asked me to be their girlfriend separately. It’s nice. Not huge romantic gestures or anything - one did take me to Alton Towers an ask me there if that counts. I think it’s good to provide clarity. DH asked me to be his girlfriend after two weeks of dating but we had worked together for 3 months.

I've never heard of this, thank god. In my day you reached a point and he would awkwardly say something like 'I take it you're my girlfriend now' or he would just refer to you as his bird and side eye you for your reaction or something - and by 'my day' I mean my younger days. By early 20s you just assumed.

I had a lot of confusion a few weeks back when my nephew (22) was having a celebration with his friends and girlfriend to mark the occasion of them going ‘exclusive’ despite the fact they’d been together since the summer. I still feel confused about it all to be honest and seems so ridiculous to me.

@saltinesandcoffeecups

Going on "a date" or a short series of "dates" was a thing. Usually to the pub, the cinema or for a pizza.

The use of the term "dating" as in an ongoing open-ended stage of a (non)?relationship wasn't really a thing, in my experience anyway. Obviously other people will have different experiences.

I think what many of us more cough, mature posters are saying is that we progressed naturally to the "going out", girlfriend/boyfriend stage without there being any formal discussion or declaration about it.

Someone will be along in a minute to put it more succinctly.

Edit: I've read your post again and I'd say the "going out" stage happened much sooner than 3 months, probably after 2-4 dates. As I said in my previous post, seeing someone else at the same time would have been bad form.

I also think that short-term relationships (not always sexual) were maybe more common as if you fancied someone else, you would just split up with the bf/gf but that's a whole other thread.

I will say mental or not it's cute hearing all of the stories in this thread!

I think the 'going steady' or 'going with' refers to the point after the casual dating where either can be seeing other people but gosh those were my mum's terms when she was young.

I can't remember anything so formal past the age of 11 or 12 when you'd get a note passed to you by a boy "will you go out with me" who you might have talked to once in the school hallway and if you said yes you were exclusive and gf/bf which meant you'd hold hands going to lunch and slow dance at the school dance.

I just asked my 16 year old. Yes apparently its a thing. Its mental.

It's not a thing. Shd sounds nuts.

I don’t think it’s particularly new. I’m 36 and since I started dating 20 years ago, this has been a thing. My now boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend after two months of dating a few years ago, and I was very pleased!

Now you've all really confused me. A couple of you have said "we don't date" then go on to describe going to a meal with a guy a few times.

Isn't that a date? Maybe I need to ask what does "Dating" or "going on a date" mean?

@Mochudubh or @Fruitsherbert Asking you guys as that's where I saw the posts that I paraphrased. But open to anyone's response!

Since I'm asking here's what dating means to me...

• Before we got married DH and I went to dinner, brunch, movies, friends parties or get togethers over the course of about 3 months, <- this was the 'dating period' or individual 'dates'
• Eventually we figured out we weren't seeing other people <-I guess per @PyongyangKipperbang this would be the girlfriend/boyfriend stage but nobody asked or said anything specific
• He moved in to my place around 6 months <-I never really had a name for this period but would have still referred to him as my boyfriend I guess??
• then we were engaged at 1 year <- I think (hope!) we can all agree that this is the engagement period .

All of this was in the early 2000s

Love island didn’t exist yet so no. We were just in bed tbf so it wasn’t a big song and dance but he did ask to make sure it was clear.

What’s wrong with clarity and clear and open communication about the relationship? People are so snarky about something entirely harmless

It’s definitely a thing. It’s not something I necessarily subscribed to, but then I don’t really care how others want to define their relationships. Sexual exclusivity doesn’t automatically equal boyfriend/girlfriend - some relationships aren’t sexually exclusive by design.

I think it’s the Love Island influence. I’d never heard of it until it started on there a decade or so ago. Couples basically agree to not explore other connections in the villa but don’t necessarily feel they know each other well enough to consider it a proper relationship.

I don’t consider it to be a feminist issue either. Most of these women who want to be asked aren’t helpless damsels; they just want to be desired. If I had to ask my DH to marry me, we still wouldn’t be married. I needed to know that it was something he genuinely wanted, and not something he was persuaded to do.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" has a hilariously 5-year-old ring to it.

6 months?!

God, DH had practically moved in after 6 days when we first met! There's no way I would have been twatting around for 6m having no idea if we were actually "together" 🤣

Was during a playdate or while watching Love Island?
😆

My DC, both now in their 20s both dated their partners for around 4 months before it became official.

Weird to me. I'm in my 50s so totally different to how we did things in the late 80s and 90s.

DD(20) had been going out with a guy for about 3 months, had had a holiday abroad together, met the parents (both sides), parties etc. We were forbidden to refer to him as DD’s boyfriend as they hadn’t discussed it. WTF. They’re bf/gf now, which we’d known anyway. What a palaver.

Sounds a bit school kid -ish really 🤔

I'd never heard of this but I just asked my 17 and 19 year old DDs and was told it's absolutely a thing. I am still confused but as my DDs told me "it's not the olden days anymore mum. There's loads of different stages in a relationship."
Olden days? I'm 45 not 75!

I’m 30 and my husband asked me specifically to be his girlfriend 12 years ago. Of course it’s a thing… it features in many films and TV shows. Try not to rain on peoples parade with your eye rolls and snark. She’s allowed to feel happy.

Is this what was called 'going steady' or is that before? It is all nonsense and I can't help think it's just another excuse for a cheesy reel for social media.

I think there's a misunderstanding.

Women especially in their twenties now are prioritising their time. It's the antithesis of 'pick me'

They are being influenced by 'girl get your money' types.

It goes something like: "I am a woman who is young and at my peak. I can pick and choose. My fertility is not a never-ending asset, so my time is important. I will not remain exclusive with you or any man, unless I know you're serious and are firmly committed. Until then, I am still on the market (as are you) and am still free to date whoever else comes along, and will be looking for better things. Sure we can hang out and have fun. But if another guy turns up then it's fair game. So you need to formally announce that we are serious. Then I will come off the market and be your exclusive girlfriend. No games, no head fucks."

That's how I've seen it explained online.

Talking, speaking, dating (not sure on the order) but all stages of not being in a relationship. God knows! We had a snog at a party after a couple of months of flirting and never looked back 😂 26 years later!

54 here and I met my bf's at school, in the pub/club , in the street 😱 and at work even boss's and I have never used a dating app in my life, so I think it's safe to say that dating and everything else is a bit different now.