Son excluded after meeting today. Was meant to be isolation. Feel sick about it

Good luck OP, this sounds really hard for all of you. I hope you are taking the time to look after you. Also remember that in all of this he is just a child who has made a mistake and all behaviour tells a story of what is going on inside . This is just a blip . Personally I think that 3 days is excessive and I’d be pushing for this to be reduced

Your boundaries and punishments at home are too soft. He sounds very rude, oppositional and unpleasant swearing so openly at a teacher, walking out of isolation etc. Crack down now or you’ll regret it.

Ok he’s been suspended for swearing at a teacher, as well as some other disruptive behaviour

why are you questioning this?

Seems like a totally reasonable response from
the school

@FrostedOwl but it is already a pattern of behaviour which has been going on since last academic year?! You're enabling him which is enabling him.

Was it an "expulsion" though? I got the impression it was a "fixed term exclusion", but I'm not a school governor, so all I've got to go on is the actual words the OP used.

I think people wear different hats for their various roles rather than "heads" 😄

Im glad you feel calmer op.

Make the most of the reintegration meeting so its constructive and good luck.

Yep. I spent years teaching teenaged boys who had real difficulties behind their behaviours.
But equally there are boys of that age (and girls) who are just damn difficult.

Everyone on Mumsnet knows that teenagers can be obnoxious, and that they can be a pain in the neck at home too. But when they're obnoxious at school, suddenly they're poor little souls who are misunderstood, according to many on this thread.

OP has said that he's doing well academically and there's no SEN. He's being unpleasant at home as well. So yes, it sounds more like he's pushing the boundaries and not accepting authority figures at school, just because.

I’m glad now you’ve calmed down some that you can appreciate his behaviour has been worthy of escalating the punishment. Hopefully this will teach him a lesson about consequence.
I have to agree with the above poster - he DOES sound rather out of control. Can you imagine swearing at a teacher!? Refusing to leave a classroom!? Storming out of isolation!? Refusing to attend school!? That’s out of control, OP.
You sound like a good mum and I hope he grows from this.

'If id known him walking out of isolation was such a big deal'

What on earth made you think it wasn't a big deal?

So if the swearing was directed at the teacher, what was said?

The thing is you and your son rely on everyone else turning up on time, following the rules and doing their work. If the cleaner didn't show up to clean the toilets, all the children behaved like your son, the teachers arrived late and pissed about and the school chef stormed out, the whole place would have to close down and the staff would all be sacked. You expect the rest of the school community to stick to the rules and the behaviour policy but you don't expect your son to. Why? What makes him more special than the other children and the school staff?

You said he isnt out of control and go on for post after post stating ways he is out of control.

I’ve been a teacher for over 15 years, and I’ve been in situations where students have sworn at me and refused to leave the room. Every single one was excluded.

Why should teachers have to tolerate abuse like that?

Also, a male teenage student can often be larger and stronger than a female staff member. Do you understand how intimidating it is for them to get aggressive and refuse to leave? The risk of other students piling in? I have felt my physical safety be threatened many times, a few times while I was heavily pregnant.

I absolutely hate what teaching has become and I’m sick of people like the OP trying to minimise her son’s actions because of his anxiety. What about the teacher’s anxiety at being verbally abused and having to deal with an aggressive teenager. Why doesn’t their mental health matter!?

Blergh, I wish I hadn’t read this thread tonight. I’m so thankful that I’m at a good school now that doesn’t put up with this crap from students or their enabling parents.

He should be provided with some work during suspension period.

Also insane to see that you have all mostly diagnosed him with neurodivergence of some kind or another despite never meeting him! Kids can just be disrespectful you know they haven’t all got a diagnosis in waiting!

They put him in isolation and he misbehaved. They have escalated the punishment quite rightly.

Can you clarify

has he been temporarily suspended or permanently excluded?

a suspension for this behavior is totally normal IMO

I've been where you are, it is horrible and so difficult to know what to do for the best.

It sounds to me like you are doing a good job:

• talking to your son about what happened and why - understanding his perspective
• supporting the school irrespective of whether you feel they are right
• consequences at home for school refusal/bad behaviour

Year 9 and aged 14 is the most hideous age - ask any teacher which is the most difficult year. Try not to fret too much or take the bad behaviour personally.

They wont permanently exclude him for this sort of behaviour, partly because PEX is a massive PITA for them. It is a good opportunity to talk about how you just have to play the game sometimes for an easy life - good lesson to learn for sports teams, future work opportunities, dealing with any authority.

Deep breaths, hang in there, this too shall pass. x

I just wanted to say nice to see some actual parenting from you (compared to some other posts!)

He’s been disrespectful, a pain in the arse for teachers and other pupils and won’t behave as he’s expected to or follow the normal hierarchy respect expectations at school OR home. You cannot even get him to do as YOU tell him as his parent at age 14!
I’d say he’s getting exactly what I’d expect him to receive and guess he will probably continue along this worsening path unless you begin to undo his current mindset that he’s equal to adults and can do as he pleases.
Another nightmare entitled colleague/co worker/employee entering the adult world in a few years who think performance reviews are bullying and management meetings about staff performance and target reviews are ‘bitching’ 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Oh Dear Lord it sounds so like my DS. It started in nursery, they put him on the SEN register. I used to sit in my car outside the nursery dreading going in to hear what he'd done. It went on when he was at school. He was excluded from primary school several times.

Eventually he was diagnosed as having an ASD.

I had to fight to get him to be allowed to go on a skiing trip to France as I said to the school that they should be able to manage pupils with additional needs & not discriminate because they have a disability. He was awarded with a special award, as, during a bout of sickness in the hostel where they were staying, he was sick but he identified that the teacher who was supposed to be caring for the sick pupils was sick & he took her water & alerted other responsible adults.

But my poor DS still struggles. He's nearly 30, has since been diagnosed with bi-polar & has never managed to hold down a job for more than 6 months. I worry about him.

@JLou08

I agree with you to a large extent.

But @MissAustenMadeAQuilt I can't agree that the staff and other children are MORE important than him.

I write as the foster carer of a 12 year old who had 13 suspensions last term.
I have a lot of sympathy with the school. They tried everything with him, he used up a vastly disproportionate amount of teacher resources and by the end of term was causing the whole school disruption.
The school could have done somethings better but ultimately he was simply in the wrong environment and he couldn't cope.
Both him and the school were really let down I think by a process which does not allow the school to say we cannot meet the needs of this child and to act quickly enough.
We all spent the last half term knowing that he would get suspension after suspension unless we could get him out of there.
Last week he started at a special school. For the first time in 9 months he has attended school every day for a whole week, on a full timetable. He is happy and excited to be learning again, not dreading getting up and going to the other school. He has great reports from the staff. He is working hard and doing his best.

He has the same right to education as any other child. He is not more important, but he is equally as important.

The other school could not manage him within traditional behaviour management techniques - which are essentially punitive in approach. But in a school of 1000+ children what can you do?
His new school has 50 children, 3 staff to a class. They do have suspension and exclusion in their behaviour management policy, but if there other techniques work, it shouldn't get that far.

🙄

zero advice.

What i want to know is when suspension started being called 'fixed term exclusion'. I hated it when it was used with my son when we were having some issues, it just feels wrong, lol.

Whenever i see 'excluded' in a title i assume its permanent as the short term was always called suspension when i was at school.