Son excluded after meeting today. Was meant to be isolation. Feel sick about it

Where’s his Dad?

It’s NOT typical teenage behavior!! Only from a brat who’s badly behaved and gets away with it from his parents! My kids don’t get away with that at all!! Children need discipline and parenting and I would
have lost my shit at my kids behaving even like this for one day and certainly the lack of respect for a teacher - swearing etc at them?! Any of my kids behaved like that they would have been grounded for life!!! I’d be VERY ashamed of my kids behaving like your son had😳

School refusal and truancy are not the same thing.

Truancy is skipping school for some mundane/misbehaviour reason.

School Refusal is the recognised term when there is a stress or emotional based reason, most often seen in children with Mental Health difficulties, those being bullied, and children with Autism/ADHD because they can't cope with the environment.

Any diagnosis ? Could you get a counsellor on board for him as clearly somethings going on and he may be actually struggling for a reason

If id known him walking out of isolation was such a big deal id have dealt with it immediately

How on earth could you not know its a big deal? Its completely disobedient and shows a total disregard for authority. By not accepting his punishment he is showing he doesn't acknowledge that it was needed.

His perspective is that he felt picked on in that lesson and embarrassed in front of everyone.

Be a bit careful. Kids are well aware of exactly what to say to ensure their behaviour is chalked up to mental health etc. They know to bring up feelings like shame & anxiety. Why would he feel picked on? He's saying this to excuse his disruptive behaviour.

I would say calmly and firmly that there are no excuses here that you think carry any weight. He loses all tech & access to money indefinitely - phone/tech access to be earned each day (after the exclusion) by attending school & behaving. Ground him obviously.

Don't go to school asking for leniency or trying to excuse his behaviour. Ask their advice, ask them if there's anything you can do at home to reinforce their messaging - make clear you wholeheartedly support them. You have an opportunity to let this be a short sharp shock that wakes him up before GCSEs.

Sounds like the school is doing the right thing by sending him a clear message that his behaviour is unacceptable. If he’s disrupting classes by swearing and refusing to leave then it’s affecting the education of the other kids in the class which is completely unfair.

My son got a half day exclusion last year for throwing chairs. He has SEND but quite rightly the school said they couldn’t have him putting the safety of others at risk. It was a shock for him but it helped motivate him to work on managing his frustrations better and his behaviour improved massively after that.

I think it’s an appropriate response. What would you have expected? They tried isolation and he refused to stay there. They aren’t allowed to physically stop him from leaving and he’ll be disrupting everyone else with this chaos. It was his choice to disregard his consequences so they got worse.

Im sorry that must be stressful.
Why do you think your DS is behaving badly at school?
Is it an isolated "incident" or a pattern of behaviour?

It would be useful to know what the swearing was.
It’s very different to have a muttered ‘bloody hell’ or ‘ffs’ to a personal attack like ‘you bitch.’ I’m guessing the teacher was female? That’s an issue too.

Its just a fixed term. Its not forever. He should get a reintegration meeting and during that mum can bring up any support she thing he needs going forward then and can get it documented that she thinks there are underlying problems etc.

If id known him walking out of isolation was such a big deal id have dealt with it immediately.
That statement is telling.

You seem more focused on criticising the school than showing sympathy towards the students whose education is being disrupted by your son's behaviour, and towards the poor teacher faced with being sworn at.

Your son says he's embarrassed because he was put on the spot. Not embarrassed about his subsequent actions? Students like this are the reason many teachers leave the profession.

This is brilliant advice OP, I hope you take heed. Good luck.

It really does sound like you are trying your best OP, but also minimising his behaviour. He clearly has an issue with authority, his rebelling at home, ignoring you by refusing to attend school, showing disrespect to the teachers on multiple occasions, and then, rather than knuckling down and accepting the punishment, he's walked off, I'm not really surprised with the exclusion.

I think you really need to get to the root cause of this. Perhaps some counselling would help him develop the tools to deal with these situations? He's clearly going down a bad path, hopefully the exclusion will help him wake up and realise the situation, as he's about to start really important school years.

Hope you and son can work your way through this.

Seems like he had enough chances and it is him that escalated it not the school . Swearing at a teacher , non compliance on numerous occasions. At 14 ? I think he should be expelled . No teacher or other pupils should have to put up with his crap.

Sorry for you OP but he is your problem.Shouldnt be the schools.

there is clearly more to this than you are divulging. I highly doubt he swore at a teacher for no reason. Something must have happened that has then escalated.

@FrostedOwlI’ve only read your posts and it does seem like quite a big consequence for swearing and walking out. What do they do for violence?!

but I think it’s good that your able to work with the school and also that your son is showing remorse.

It sounds like he doesn’t like any focus on him and is perhaps struggling to know how to respond when he feels overwhelmed. Therefore he’s trying to avoid that feeling by either not going, or reacting badly when he doesn’t know what to do.

Do the school offer any support for this? Any sessions around anger and learning new strategies? It could be anxiety caused by fluctuating hormones at this age.

I think your punishments etc are ok and you’re showing him it’s not ok. But I do think it’s ok to give him a hug and actually try to sit down and figure it out. So that you can find a way to support and prevent it happening again.

I think the school have done the right thing.

I understand you might think the school have been unreasonable but there does seem to be a pattern of behaviour building.

I'm sure a lot if people here are all #bekind, but then when its a 14 year old boy who's obviously struggling a bit and its manifesting in bad behaviour - are all like kick him out, he deserves it.

Well, because when I picked my 6ft 2in 14yr old son up from school after a fight who was still angry about the fact his friend had been picked on for being gay...even though I was furious at him for throwing not just the first punch but more I was desperate for him not to become a flight risk and go looking for more trouble on the way home from school.

It’s better he’s doing this now than year eleven. You have time to turn it around.

If he is academically able, take him to the local college where he will end up going, and show him what he is on the path towards. Take him to look at a local university. Put what he is doing now into perspective: we don’t work hard because we love each lesson, we’re proving our worth to set us apart to get to the next step - to be able to choose and do the things we want when we’re older.

His teacher has the right to go to work and not be sworn at, not have her or his classroom disrupted by him refusing to leave. She or he would have been afraid when he didn’t go. It will impact how others in the class see the teacher. Your son stole learning time from others they will never get back.

He needs to begin to learn this isn’t about him; he isn’t the main character. He’s part of the school community.

Good luck - it’s really hard. I do think the best route is give what he is doing now context and a bigger goal. Let him build a plan for where he wants to be in 5/10/15 years. The future is exciting, but you only get there by putting work in now.

This. I feel for you OP and it’s clear you’re not taking it lightly but if I were a parent of a well behaved child in his class I would be very grateful that the school had taken steps to improve the environment for the majority.

Exclusion is good for the other students

Exactly i remember the twatty kids st school saying to teachers you cant do shit to me and it was true..that was 15 plus years ago..i absolutely dread to think what its like. A generation of parents bringing up little darlings that even when they admit their behaviour is wrong they STILL rile against consequences being 'too harsh'

They would be horrified that i took a biscuit off my 3 year old today because she refused to say thank you 😱

No no. I have no interest in your bleeding heart concern for 'everyone else'. The quote I was replying to was about the impact of these consequences on him, as that was what the pp was raising.