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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel completely stuck while waiting for ADHD help?

62 replies

Clark2611 · 27/01/2026 18:36

I’m on a long waiting list for ADHD support and I feel like my life is on pause.
i’m functioning on the outside but everything feels harder than it should.
some days I can’t tell if I’m coping or just masking and running on fumes.
i keep being told to wait, but the waiting itself is exhausting.😞

OP posts:
BookArt55 · 27/01/2026 22:02

SaveItTillTheMorningAfter · 27/01/2026 19:30

Do you mind sharing what vitamins are helpful?

Show quote history

So my son has been taking Novomins- he takes the focus ones, magnesium, iron, l-theanine. It took about a month but I am seeing a massive difference. Need to do the same for myself 😄 🤣

FuzzyWolf · 27/01/2026 21:06

ladyamy · 27/01/2026 20:07

I think, due to smart phones, constant screen time and instant gratification for almost everything (online shopping, steaming services, etc) before long there will be very few people left who don’t suspect they have ADHD.

They might be ignorant enough to suspect it, but none of that causes ADHD so they won’t be diagnosed with it and medication won’t help them.

FuzzyWolf · 27/01/2026 21:05

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2026 19:23

Dh chosen to manage his adhd without medication and he is on the severe end.

Dh has never masked. I didn't know that was possible with adhd so you learn something new on mum's net!

All our kids have severe adhd too. We have learned to structure life.

We have set daily routines with regular reminders from alexa to get up, shower, get dressed, think about leaving, when they need to leave for school

All of the kids and dh have laminated packing lists for what they need to pack for next day with everything put by front door (with an alexa reminder at 5pm to do this)

Dh hyperfocuses on his job so that isn't a issue for him as he loves it.

We use a joint family calendar for all appointments, kids matches and sports with reminders the week before, day before then leading up to event. Again with alexa reminding when we need to be thinking about leaving the house.

Structure and repetition works for us

As does having everything so it can be seen. Homework reminders in the wall, digital calendar on the kitchen wall.

We even set reminder to go to bed as often get carried away with things then realise its midnight. (Kids ones are set for their bedtime)

Same for bills. Spreadsheet made once a year and checked only when stuff changes. All money is sorted by standing order and dd into different savings pots. We both have spending accounts with no overdraft to avoid overspend.

Food shopping is done online, same slot everywhere to again avoid impulse buys..

Friends only see at weekends and only once every couple weeks as need downtime

By “we” I am assuming you or somebody else has taken control of all of the lives and regimentally organised everyone. It’s not going to help any of them long term because those with ADHD need to have a way of organising themselves and learning what works for them.

If you are the one doing all of this organising, once you are not there to micro —completely— manage, they will fall apart and their executive function skills will be even further behind and they will be at a huge disadvantage. You need to ensure they are taught and learn the life skills that they need, not to infantilise them.

Marylou2 · 27/01/2026 20:46

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2026 19:50

Why is it depressing? Structure works for us. Everyone gets here they need to be. No one is burnt out

Show quote history

Totally agree about the structure. Makes everyone feel better. I do this and I don't have ADHD.

Delatron · 27/01/2026 20:17

It’s hugely under-diagnosed as it was only recently that they even realised girls/women could have ADHD. No girl (and to be honest not that many boys) were diagnosed growing up in the 90s so that’s a whole generation of women missed…

FoxRedPuppy · 27/01/2026 20:10

ladyamy · 27/01/2026 20:07

I think, due to smart phones, constant screen time and instant gratification for almost everything (online shopping, steaming services, etc) before long there will be very few people left who don’t suspect they have ADHD.

Oh piss off. Current diagnosis rates are about 0.2% of population. They estimate about 5% are adhd, so there isn’t an overdiagnosis.

There is a lot of article and videos about it, which make it seem like it is more prevalent tha it actually is. I see lots of adhd reels on instagram because my algorithms show me them. Same with news articles.

ladyamy · 27/01/2026 20:07

I think, due to smart phones, constant screen time and instant gratification for almost everything (online shopping, steaming services, etc) before long there will be very few people left who don’t suspect they have ADHD.

Delatron · 27/01/2026 20:04

FoxRedPuppy · 27/01/2026 20:03

Those of you with no screens after 9pm, what do you do? Sometimes I am too tired to read, but can’t sleep.

I find sleeping so difficult. Although once I start reading I often get stuck in that and can’t transition to sleeping.

I do no phone screens but TV is ok for me. I do try and read before sleep even just for 5-10 mins as that is calming. .

FoxRedPuppy · 27/01/2026 20:03

Those of you with no screens after 9pm, what do you do? Sometimes I am too tired to read, but can’t sleep.

I find sleeping so difficult. Although once I start reading I often get stuck in that and can’t transition to sleeping.

Delatron · 27/01/2026 20:03

I think ADHD can be either regulated (and you can function) or it is unregulated (and you can barely function). So you have to work out what structures and strategies can help regulate you to then be able to do stuff.

A supportive partner can help. They can body double whilst you need to get things done. And avoid shaming you when you forget stuff. Leave the cupboard doors open etc.

Even things like doing an online supermarket shop (I get very overwhelmed in the supermarket).

It’s frustrating. Everything is harder. I can’t get up and do an early exercise class for example as they would stress me out too much. I have to start the day slowly. Wait for the coffee to kick in..

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2026 19:59

NerdyBird · 27/01/2026 19:51

@Hankunamatatahow do you make yourself do something when the reminder goes? Most of the time a reminder does nothing to make me actually do a thing.

I won't lie. I currently have 5 loads washing in basket in my dining room that been there for possibly two weeks as I cant face putting them away.
Washing never seems to make it to wardrobes.
Don't get me started on the doom piles or leaving cupboard doors open.

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2026 19:56

NerdyBird · 27/01/2026 19:51

@Hankunamatatahow do you make yourself do something when the reminder goes? Most of the time a reminder does nothing to make me actually do a thing.

Yes because its the pressure. The reminder is something that needs to be done there and then like shower now or you will be late for work. I won't lie coffee features first thing in my morning

Fish oils have been helpful with the kids and dh - equazen I think is the brand

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2026 19:54

Shouldbedoing · 27/01/2026 19:45

But he has a capable manager in you!

Show quote history

Yeah but dr thinks I'm inattentive....we both had to work this out when kids came along, as things really fell apart. I ended up with major depression and not coping - dh ended up in therapy.

So we went on parenting courses and got help from Bernardos actually to structure things.

My parents taught me the money pot system as I was a bit of an uncotrolled spender

NerdyBird · 27/01/2026 19:51

@Hankunamatatahow do you make yourself do something when the reminder goes? Most of the time a reminder does nothing to make me actually do a thing.

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2026 19:50

Bowcup · 27/01/2026 19:48

Sorry but that sound ms so depressing. Is this how it has to be?

Show quote history

Why is it depressing? Structure works for us. Everyone gets here they need to be. No one is burnt out

PuzzlingRecluse · 27/01/2026 19:49

Have a look at the online events from adhd uk https://events.adhduk.co.uk/page/2/ I’ve found them massively helpful

https://events.adhduk.co.uk/page/2

Overthebow · 27/01/2026 19:48

What support are you waiting for? Is it for medication? I’m diagnosed with ADHD and ASD and had ADHD focused therapy.

Bowcup · 27/01/2026 19:48

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2026 19:23

Dh chosen to manage his adhd without medication and he is on the severe end.

Dh has never masked. I didn't know that was possible with adhd so you learn something new on mum's net!

All our kids have severe adhd too. We have learned to structure life.

We have set daily routines with regular reminders from alexa to get up, shower, get dressed, think about leaving, when they need to leave for school

All of the kids and dh have laminated packing lists for what they need to pack for next day with everything put by front door (with an alexa reminder at 5pm to do this)

Dh hyperfocuses on his job so that isn't a issue for him as he loves it.

We use a joint family calendar for all appointments, kids matches and sports with reminders the week before, day before then leading up to event. Again with alexa reminding when we need to be thinking about leaving the house.

Structure and repetition works for us

As does having everything so it can be seen. Homework reminders in the wall, digital calendar on the kitchen wall.

We even set reminder to go to bed as often get carried away with things then realise its midnight. (Kids ones are set for their bedtime)

Same for bills. Spreadsheet made once a year and checked only when stuff changes. All money is sorted by standing order and dd into different savings pots. We both have spending accounts with no overdraft to avoid overspend.

Food shopping is done online, same slot everywhere to again avoid impulse buys..

Friends only see at weekends and only once every couple weeks as need downtime

Sorry but that sound ms so depressing. Is this how it has to be?

Shouldbedoing · 27/01/2026 19:45

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2026 19:23

Dh chosen to manage his adhd without medication and he is on the severe end.

Dh has never masked. I didn't know that was possible with adhd so you learn something new on mum's net!

All our kids have severe adhd too. We have learned to structure life.

We have set daily routines with regular reminders from alexa to get up, shower, get dressed, think about leaving, when they need to leave for school

All of the kids and dh have laminated packing lists for what they need to pack for next day with everything put by front door (with an alexa reminder at 5pm to do this)

Dh hyperfocuses on his job so that isn't a issue for him as he loves it.

We use a joint family calendar for all appointments, kids matches and sports with reminders the week before, day before then leading up to event. Again with alexa reminding when we need to be thinking about leaving the house.

Structure and repetition works for us

As does having everything so it can be seen. Homework reminders in the wall, digital calendar on the kitchen wall.

We even set reminder to go to bed as often get carried away with things then realise its midnight. (Kids ones are set for their bedtime)

Same for bills. Spreadsheet made once a year and checked only when stuff changes. All money is sorted by standing order and dd into different savings pots. We both have spending accounts with no overdraft to avoid overspend.

Food shopping is done online, same slot everywhere to again avoid impulse buys..

Friends only see at weekends and only once every couple weeks as need downtime

But he has a capable manager in you!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 27/01/2026 19:43

Are there any self help groups you could access? I'm finding it really important to do as little as possible at the weekends, but I crave a bit of excitement.

Lougle · 27/01/2026 19:42

MTOandMe · 27/01/2026 19:15

Both my GP and my Talking Therapy counsellor. I haven't even been given any lists from Right to Choose yet.

Show quote history

You don't need lists. Just Google ADHD UK right to choose, look at the list, then ask the GP to refer to the organisation of your choice.

orbital12 · 27/01/2026 19:40

vickyfowler · 27/01/2026 19:27

ADHD medication can be life changing, what on earth are you on about no ‘magic support’?

Show quote history

Agreed - medication can be hugely helpful.

EsmeSusanOgg · 27/01/2026 19:36

I have been on a waiting list for more than 4 years. I will be unlikely to receive an appointment before December this year. I have a paediatric diagnosis. But I was never offered medication as I got good grades and was a girl (yay the 90s!). I therefore had to join a waiting list for an adult assessment (which they admit will agree that I do have ADHD) in order to access medication (which is in excess of £200 a month).

People added to the waiting list last summer are, based on appointment scheduling over the last three years, unlikely to be seen for more than 20 years.

I am in Wales, so there is no right to choose or shared care option.

I am not in the health board with the longest waiting lists.

SaveItTillTheMorningAfter · 27/01/2026 19:30

BookArt55 · 27/01/2026 18:41

Similar situation, feel the same with my abusive coparent... Just having to manage.

However there is a lot of help.out there that we need to search for. Forums to just have others that understand what we are going through, who can offer tips and tricks for areas we struggle with.

You feel alone, makes complete sense. Now find a group of Facebook or somewhere else to build the understand and support.

Starting with vitamins recommended for adhd is a reslly good place to start (I've done it for my son and it is paying off... need to do it for me!)

Do you mind sharing what vitamins are helpful?

Schtush · 27/01/2026 19:30

Fidgety31 · 27/01/2026 18:43

YABU because ultimately you have to take responsibility for your self and your own wellbeing .
Diagnosis or not - there is no magical support coming your way that is going to fundamentally change your life .

This is nonsense.