My brother died 20 years ago, I was 18 and he was 14. He was ill in hospital for a few months and then passed away.
My parents were obviously devastated, I think my mum drank alot and im not sure who remembered me.
I went out alot, had lots of bad relationships, drunk too much and moved out about 6 months after he died. My dd is now the same age I was and I think I would have helped her more checked she was dealing with it all ok. My dm says I didnt want help and just went out all the time, I can't remember. I think I have blocked alot of that time out.
We have never discussed his death, he doesn't get mentioned at all. 20 years on and im only really thinking about it now and im unsure how to deal with it.
I feel guilty that I wasn't there for my parents, annoyed that they didn't check I was ok and just actually feel really sad. I have no other siblings and im not sure I realised what a huge loss it was. Id like to move forward, im not angry with my parents, I just feel a bit stuck.