My boy 3, almost 4 is having a lot of tantrums- normal ?

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Remember, it is just a phase...

My approach was to ignore the tantrum - focused on play with the elder child (assuming she wasn't also having a bad day for any reason), oh how I laughed as we built a tower from bricks and knocked it down. He would become very curious as to what all the fun was about on the other side of the room, forget his tantrum, and come and join us building and knocking down towers (or whatever). Did same if elder sister wasn't around as well, just by myself. Must of looked mad...

My little boy’s behaviour was the worst age 3-4. Feel for you as it’s really frustrating

Normal.
If possible make sure he gets as much sleep as possible and down time after nursery with low expectations. Plenty of filling foods.
I think there’s something in difference between boys and girls in terms of emotional maturity and independence but lots disagree. There’s also something about comparing the second child to first who sets the parental expectations.

A child of his age has no idea how to deal with choices - they prefer clear instructions so they don't have to make a decision as they can't. He is panicking as you are putting him in situations that he cannot cope with and does not know how to deal with. His jacket - why make him wear it - so he will get cold or wet, he will soon wear his jacket, trust me. Its not worth the battle.

My daughter was a dream through 1, 2 and 3yrs old. Turned into a complete nightmare at 4. Now at 7, she is better again. 4 and 5 were ROUGH. My son (her twin) was a beast at 18m - 2, and a dream from 3 onwards.

Kids will have their phases at different times.

Sounds like my son who is the same age. The bit about the song in the car particularly resonated 😩. I have two older girls and they were not like this!

Mum of three boys here. Sounds normal. They grow out of it but it tests my patience to the limits.
i keep repeating to myself “they’re not giving you a hard time. They’re HAVING a hard time”
acknowledge the feeling and name it.
As Ms Rachel sings “big feelings are ok !”
We sing that song a lot !
they need your calm to help them regulate. Offer hugs squeezes or whatever calms them down. Sometimes they don’t want that but it’s reassuring to know you’re there when they need you.

I have two boys 5and 3. Sounds completely (albeit annoying at times!) normal

Perhaps because you had a girl first you are expecting your son to be the same. In my experience, but obviously not always, boys seem to be about 6 months behind girls. All kids are different.

Not saying yours does however! Just telling u my situation and experience (she's 4 soon, hoping for the fabulous 4s 😂 (is that a thing?!))

Terrible 2s? Nah. Terrorist 3s I've experience in 😂 my child has ASD and possibly adhd

Super interesting because I have EXACTLY the same but 2 girls. 6 year old is easy going but nearly 4 year old is awful a lot of the time if she doesn’t get the same or better even when not appropriate. Screams and tantrums and yet no nursery issues. I really feel you.

How often does he go to preschool? I have a DC a similar age but have the luxury of the school holidays off as I'm a teacher and I have to say I notice DC is much more manageable in the holidays, well rested, much fewer tantrums. I find the rushing around and preschool is just too much for him! He goes 3 times a week.

It's normal. It's just a boundary pushing age. Of course you have to stand your ground sometimes but don't be afraid to try to avoid the conflicts before they begin. And pick your battles - does he really need to wear the jacket, could you let him get cold and then figure out he wants it? Or, skip the song if you see it again before he notices it 😃because once he digs in his heels about it you can't let him get his way, but there's no shame in just avoiding that situation arising, because he just will not be like this forever. It's a phase. Minimising conflict for a happier day, and so you DO have the mental energy when it does matter - no shame in that. Boys are often a bit behind. My now lovely and co-operative 10 year old was AWFUL at three (well, a mixture of sweet and awful lol) and his 3 year old little brother is a nightmare just at the moment (coinciding with some developmental leaps) but it won't last. They don't WANT to be a pita.

Is this happening every day, several times per day? If so, I would say not normal.

Very normal, don't compare him to your daughter, children have their own personalities and develop at their own pace. Some children are just more wilful and persistent!

Don't give choices, you need him to know you're in charge and what you say goes. Don't ask 'do you want to...' instead tell him 'We're doing this now' and do it. Stay calm, keep a brisk and breezy tone and demeanor and ignore the tantruming, whingeing and crying - walk away and look busy, sorting clothes/washing up etc. When he's calmed down you can say 'oh, have you finished? Time for dinner then' etc and carry on with your day. Basically give lots of attention for desirable behaviour and zero attention for undesirable behaviour! Remember that tantrums aren't indicative of anything other than him learning to regulate his emotions when he doesn't get his own way. You can't do that for him, he will learn it himself in his own time - don't let it bother you.

Oh... and I recall DH crying out in despair 'WHAT AGE DO THEY GROW OUT OF TANTRUMS???!!!!'. I just reminded him that he was in his 50s and had had a tantrum the week before when his computer crashed so to let me know.

Normal! There is a reason why they call them 'threenagers'

But yes it is a standard developmental phase. He is growing, wanting more agency and independence but without the verbal and reasoning skills to articulate himself in another way. It's a good thing, although I know it does not feel like that now. His little brain is wiring up and working out the world. His coping mechanisms are also developing.

I agree. Children are given too many choices. If he has a tantrum at home, ignore him. We used to step over DD or pick her up and move her into the hall. Show grew up to be a delightful human being.

Yes, normal! DS peaked with tantrums at age 5-6 and I was starting to question if there were SEN involved. He totally grew out of them and really settled at age 7. Yet to experience a tantrum from DD who is 5, so I guess kids are just all different.

Good luck!

Totally normal. I remember those days. 😳

Sounds normal. DS was hard work 3.5-4 and still has his moments at 4 and a half! With him its less not getting his own way and more if something isn't how he thinks it should be. Hunger and tiredness are big factors as well! He started school at just four and has always been fine at school and the tantrums at home slowly improved.

I wouldn't fuss about making him wear a coat unless its baltic. Pick your battles.

I don’t think you can compare siblings because your first child had 100% undivided attention from you right from the start. Obviously, your second didn’t.

Also, no 2 kids are the same so it’s futile anyway.

How much one-on-one alone time does he get with you? I know it’s hard when you have 2 or more but that might help?

Hasn’t that been debunked?

Aged 3 was the year of the worst behaviour for DS