Urgent advice needed - caught 14yo daughter on Snapchat, mum isn’t around to help

"Now".

How patronising!

You didn't previously have any controls on a 14 year olds phone? On a practical note any images can be securely uploaded to the CEOP to limit any further damage (image sharing).

I would give phone back but with parental controls and no snapchat, until she can demonstrate she is mature enough.

In terms of talk I think it's important not to be shame on her, but explain the issue with photos and once on the internet that is it, can never be taken down.

My son did this around the same age, it was with his girlfriend from school. I looked at the chat thread a bit, wished I hadn’t to be fair lol <shudder>
we were all pretty mortified at the time but laugh about it now!

I remember telling him about the laws around sharing/distributing sexualised images of children - although they aren’t really intended to persecute ‘consenting’ teens more to safeguard them from predators/against CSE.

He is trying to deal with it, asking for some advice from a female perspective to talk to his daughter, and this is the helpful response he gets...

Ok sorry yes I missed that bit. What though, nudes? selfies? The actual content matters so the op needs to ask who she's been chatting to and the nature of the chat.

A calm conversation is needed. Your daughter needs to understand that sending intimate photos of herself is illegal because she's under 18. It would be classed as distributing child pornography. Anyone receiving those images, and viewing them, could be prosecuted for viewing child pornography. You need to find out if she's sending of her own free will or if she's being blackmailed or forced in some way. Is this person someone she knows in the real world or someone online? If it's someone online, then she has no idea if this person is who they say they are. I would imagine there would be information on the NSPCC website or similar. Remain calm. Be gentle. Be factual. Don't judge.

It’s not about him “not wanting her to do that”. It’s about her personal safety and the consequences of her actions. If she really understood the implications of what she was doing - she wouldn’t want to do it either.

Uninstalling Snapchat isn't enough, you need to deactivate her account. You need to reinstall it and get the password off her to do that. Otherwise she'll just install it again and carry on where she left off.

Just have a calm conversation about why you don't want her doing that. Be clear you're coming from a safety concern, that it's easy to share more than you mean and regret it later, that people unfortunately do share images around school and friend groups, and that sending indecent images of yourself as a child is still a crime.

It's understandable that she's exploring her sexuality, that is totally normal and nothing for anyone to be embarrassed about.

I would return the phone but be clear you'll check regularly in future.

Yes. And he can’t 100% know it’s a boy unless it’s a friend of hers that he recognises.

There was mention of pictures - "Messaging a boy and sharing pictures" is what he said.

Snapchat is awful. Get rid.

I’d be getting her a dumb phone

There’s no point being angry as this is just naivety and ignorance on her part. She’s not intentionally putting herself in danger. And she hasn’t thought through the consequences.

You need to have a conversation with her, but you also need to be monitoring her phone better. She can just re-install Snapchat because it’s already previously been installed. Doesn’t matter if you’ve deleted it. She needs her phone set to no downloads without parental permission, but you probably need a whole new account now to correct all the settings. And you need to be checking her phone daily. At 16, no, but at 14, yes.

The op says 'I didn’t read the whole chat—just a few messages were enough to see it wasn’t a normal conversation. Honestly, there wasn’t much point reading more' and 'I didn’t read the whole chat – didn’t feel right – but I got enough to know it wasn’t appropriate'

I mean that could mean anything flirting, sexting what and there absolutely was a point in reading more, though tbh snap messages tend to disappear so maybe it wasn't even sc. There wasn't any mention of pictures.

Calm and perspective is needed. Who was it, what was the content and go from there.

no 14 year old should have snapchat for any reason at all.

No 14 year old should have any expectation of privacy on their mobile phones.

No 14 year old should be using their phone anywhere but in the family space.

Don't give her the opportunity to screw up

@User1978x - sit yourself down and watch this video will you? do it later when you have time to watch it all. You are in control. Save your daughter.

Please take a look at the NSPCC website for advice. Haven’t read the full thread but they have a helpline that is open now and someone can talk to you about this and guide you on how to handle it

Snapchat is allowing all this. If you can get a phone that blocks all images and inappropriate chats, seems dramatic but it will keep your daughter safe

I have a daughter the same age for context.

I would remove the phone for a week and tell her she doesn't get Snapchat back. Long enough so she understands consequences. I would inform school and ask them to have a chat ( how old is the boy-do you need to involve the police?), I would be having a chat with her about online safety and the fact she needs to look out for herself and make good choices. Don't minimise this or she'll think it's ok and be back at it by tomorrow.

That's what he's trying to do.