Pre-teens no longer want friends to come round?

This may change in the summer when there are light evenings and better weather for outdoor activities/ socialising.

Can he not just have a group with him and his close mates?

I do think not being in WhatsApp groups may be limiting socially

I get what you say about large groups being bitchy. My ds has seen this first hand and now refuses to join those. But does have some between 3/4 pals which I keep an eye on and not seen any issues

Maybe OP is Gen X and grew up with that parenting philosophy. Get up, get out of the house, and come back whenever.

They sell drinking safe hoses now. 😂

Same situation here with DS11. Sociable, plays sports but otherwise comes home and stays in. I'm hoping that things will change when the weather gets nicer and I will start nudging him then. To be fair, I wouldn't want to hang out in the park in the cold/wet/dark.

Why is time inside a waste? I’ve heard it all now 😂
My year 7 loves his time at home with no pressure to be sociable etc, after his tiring day at school.

i think this highlights the general shift of people becoming less social and people oriented. Happily entertained by their phones

Maybe because high school puts so much pressure on kids they are exhausted and don't have the energy or brain power left over for a social life?

My daughter is 13/S2 and I've noticed this too. She had friends round all the time in primary school but rarely has anyone around now. She's super busy with dance class most evenings but the weekends she tends to hibernate and I can't work out if it's anything to be worried about. She doesn't seem particularly happy or unhappy about it, just confused as to why she'd try to do anything different.

My DS is like this too, I'm also concerned as he was very sociable at primary.
He is definitely missing it though. He does have WhatsApp, but he says he's tried three times to suggest getting together to play football/do something outside school and no one has replied (in the group). It's affecting him because he's wondering if he "got it wrong" somehow 😟
Wish I knew the answer.
Edited to add - he's 12.

Why can’t he have WhatsApp?

Certainly possible that he's missing out on invites if others are allowed WhatsApp. Could you compromise on allowing limited smaller friendship groups (not whole class groups) only with you checking at intervals?

I think it's a societal thing - has a playdate with every child in my ds 1s primary class (small village primary tbf) now 10 years later DD is in year 6 and there are very few - tbh parents just don't facilitate them!

I think this is a transition age. They don't want to have glorified play dates where a friend comes round (too babyish) but they are not yet at the stage where they will just organise their own outing into town (or whatever). Plus, if they've just started secondary school, they are negotiating different friendship groups (and probably a bit scared of getting it "wrong").

Socialising slowed down at this age with both my children; it picked up again as they got a bit older. The first thing that picked up was "hanging out" after school (I think as this needed no organising), but that's a bit limited at this time of year, so make it clear that you're happy with spontaneous get togethers like that (assuming it's practical and your DC doesn't have to get straight on a school bus when school finishes etc).

I think it is more of a societal thing. Partly technology-driven, and also increased anxiety among parents about them going out of the family home. The overall effect is that fewer children are going out in general, especially in the winter.

He may be missing out if not on what's app or Snapchat, we have always tried to be relaxed about social media. Unfortunately so many teens have these to socialise, so we permitted them but provided education, discussed boundaries and consequences of inappropriate use. Y7 was a big year in our household, new schools, new friends and lots of change. If he seems happy, enjoy the calm!

My y8 DS (12) is the same.

I don’t even know his friends!

he has starter occasionally going out with a group of 5 to play d&d, alternating houses, so that’s something

How much time does he spend outside in general? We're a bit more aware of this as we were told it makes a difference to DS's shortsightedness not getting worse.

My kids are both like this. They are totally fine, socially adjusted, get on well with lots of people at school. I used to worry but I have let it go.

Try not to worry, if he is happy then let it be. I have 1 DC who prefers to be at home, rarely socialises with peers outside school.

I have another DC who is very social, if at home brings half the a dozen friends back with him, they take over the house or he is at someone else's house.

Neither is a perfect solution but both seem seem comfortable and happy enough.