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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

932 replies

28loloie · 26/01/2026 14:52

So I’m not sure if I’m over reacting.

DD is 6 months old, I haven’t left her alone with anyone properly yet, I’ve left her with DH while I go a walk but the longest I’ve been away from her until yesterday was maybe an hour.

Yesterday I went to brunch without DD for a few hours, it was my friends birthday and I really wanted to go. DH said he would have DD and invited a few of his friends who I don’t know super well (they live in the city so we don’t meet them often) to keep him company.

I got back yesterday afternoon, his friends were still there. I asked how everything had gone and DH told me he had to nip out for an hour as his little sister needed dropped to A&E, so he left DD with his friends. Apparently she was fine. 1 of his friends is female, 2 were male. He reckons he was gone for just over an hour and his friends said that they gave her a bottle but other than that she was happy just getting cuddled.

We have never left DD with someone who wasn’t me or DH before. I always figured our parents would be the first people we left DD with. I don’t know these friends and while I’m sure it was fine, I can’t feel certain that they are good people. DH thinks I’m over reacting, she was perfectly safe. I feel he made a unilateral decision which could have been easily avoided if he just took DD with him.

AIBU to feel he shouldn’t have done this.

OP posts:
K0OLA1D · 26/01/2026 15:55

OVienna · 26/01/2026 15:54

It's not hard to understand - my baby would have screamed the house down and I wouldn't have put them through that.

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That's you.

Ops baby was obviously fine with it.

Starlight1979 · 26/01/2026 15:55

soupyspoon · 26/01/2026 15:41

I take it you never had any visitors visit you while you were on your own LOOKING AFTER YOUR OWN CHILD?!

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😆

Yep classic MN!

Mums of course are encouraged to have friends round, go out for coffee, go to baby groups etc so that they can enjoy some adult company whilst looking after a child. But god forbid a MAN do the same! What an irresponsible and feckless father.

LTB.

Butonlyjust · 26/01/2026 15:54

OVienna · 26/01/2026 15:52

Also, neither one of my DDs would have been left with a stranger at that age.

Parents who have been in this situation can remember acutely having to juggle. @IAmTheLogLady

This isn’t juggling a 6 month old with a sibling as you prepare dinner fgs. This is a bona fide emergency.

OVienna · 26/01/2026 15:54

NerrSnerr · 26/01/2026 15:53

He didn’t need to juggle though as he had family friends who he has known for his whole life there who could support him.

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It's not hard to understand - my baby would have screamed the house down and I wouldn't have put them through that.

Spoodles · 26/01/2026 15:54

28loloie · 26/01/2026 15:53

He didn’t wait

he drove to his mum and sister, picked them up, dropped them off outside A&E, went home as his friends and baby were still there.

Apparently DD was quite happy, but I feel it should have been discussed and not a unilateral decision.

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So he needed your permission? You're equal parents do you expect his permission for everything you do with her on a daily basis?

sandyhappypeople · 26/01/2026 15:54

28loloie · 26/01/2026 15:53

He didn’t wait

he drove to his mum and sister, picked them up, dropped them off outside A&E, went home as his friends and baby were still there.

Apparently DD was quite happy, but I feel it should have been discussed and not a unilateral decision.

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what would you have done?

K0OLA1D · 26/01/2026 15:54

Goldwren1923 · 26/01/2026 15:53

Why didn’t he call you and ask you to come back from your lunch given it was an emergency?

the friends could have looked after DD while you were making your way back but that bananas that he just left. What if he was stuck in A&E for 4 hours?

YANBU

Read the ops posts.

He wouldnt have been there for 4 hours.

NerrSnerr · 26/01/2026 15:53

OVienna · 26/01/2026 15:52

Also, neither one of my DDs would have been left with a stranger at that age.

Parents who have been in this situation can remember acutely having to juggle. @IAmTheLogLady

He didn’t need to juggle though as he had family friends who he has known for his whole life there who could support him.

Original poster
28loloie · 26/01/2026 15:53

Morecoffeewanted · 26/01/2026 15:49

And hours at the hospital. Where is this A&E that only takes an hour to set broken bones?

My local A&E has 8 hours plus waiting. We attended with a broken bone recently and there were people with fractures waiting 12 plus hours.

Even for children the wait was much longer than 1 hour. Plenty of crying children.

Anyone heading out to A&E knows that they face hours of waiting.

When he left he didn't know for how long. There may be more to this tale.

Edited
Show quote history

He didn’t wait

he drove to his mum and sister, picked them up, dropped them off outside A&E, went home as his friends and baby were still there.

Apparently DD was quite happy, but I feel it should have been discussed and not a unilateral decision.

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 26/01/2026 15:53

Morecoffeewanted · 26/01/2026 15:49

And hours at the hospital. Where is this A&E that only takes an hour to set broken bones?

My local A&E has 8 hours plus waiting. We attended with a broken bone recently and there were people with fractures waiting 12 plus hours.

Even for children the wait was much longer than 1 hour. Plenty of crying children.

Anyone heading out to A&E knows that they face hours of waiting.

When he left he didn't know for how long. There may be more to this tale.

Edited
Show quote history

he picked up his sister and his mum together and dropped them both off at A&E then went straight home.

Absolutely no need to take a baby in those circumstances, when there is a perfectly reasonable childcare alternative for an hour.

Butonlyjust · 26/01/2026 15:53

IAmTheLogLady · 26/01/2026 15:48

Absolutely, not rocket science is it.

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It would appear that for some…. It is

beAsensible1 · 26/01/2026 15:53

I mean he could’ve text but he is her father and it was a quick urgent errand. He is able to make decisions as much as you regarding dd.

he shouldn’t need permission from you and realistically I don’t think you would want him checking every choice with dd he makes. He isn’t a babysitter

fine to be annoyed by it tho as you arrived unaware which isn’t nice

Goldwren1923 · 26/01/2026 15:53

Why didn’t he call you and ask you to come back from your lunch given it was an emergency?

the friends could have looked after DD while you were making your way back but that bananas that he just left. What if he was stuck in A&E for 4 hours?

YANBU

NerrSnerr · 26/01/2026 15:53

Morecoffeewanted · 26/01/2026 15:49

And hours at the hospital. Where is this A&E that only takes an hour to set broken bones?

My local A&E has 8 hours plus waiting. We attended with a broken bone recently and there were people with fractures waiting 12 plus hours.

Even for children the wait was much longer than 1 hour. Plenty of crying children.

Anyone heading out to A&E knows that they face hours of waiting.

When he left he didn't know for how long. There may be more to this tale.

Edited
Show quote history

there isn’t more to it. Read the OP’s posts. The sister was with her mum so he didn’t need to wait in a&e with them. He just needed to drop them off. What was you insinuating?

OVienna · 26/01/2026 15:52

Also, neither one of my DDs would have been left with a stranger at that age.

Parents who have been in this situation can remember acutely having to juggle. @IAmTheLogLady

Mischance · 26/01/2026 15:52

Don't see a problem.
It is easy to slip into a pattern where mum knows best. Parenting is a joint project.

Bewareofstepfords · 26/01/2026 15:52

Unless the OP has good reason to be suspicious of these friends (e.g. her DH has talked about them being drug takers or heavy drinkers), then I think she's being unfair to her DH.
He had to to act quickly in an emergency situation and I think he made the right call.
Presumably he would have rung the OP had he been away longer than an hour?

K0OLA1D · 26/01/2026 15:51

Morecoffeewanted · 26/01/2026 15:49

And hours at the hospital. Where is this A&E that only takes an hour to set broken bones?

My local A&E has 8 hours plus waiting. We attended with a broken bone recently and there were people with fractures waiting 12 plus hours.

Even for children the wait was much longer than 1 hour. Plenty of crying children.

Anyone heading out to A&E knows that they face hours of waiting.

When he left he didn't know for how long. There may be more to this tale.

Edited
Show quote history

He was dropping them off. Not stopping the duration

NerrSnerr · 26/01/2026 15:51

This is mad. They are long term family friends. It was an hour. Sometimes we have to make these decisions and he sounds like he made a good call.

OVienna · 26/01/2026 15:50

IAmTheLogLady · 26/01/2026 15:47

Maybe because it's really easy to forget how time consuming leaving the house can be...
It's not the most challenging point to decipher is it.
My dts are 15 and I'm.so used to just getting up and going that I think it would be a shock to the system to have to manage it with a baby.

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Not that much of an intellectual or emotional challenge, no.

K0OLA1D · 26/01/2026 15:50

titchy · 26/01/2026 15:48

Isn’t anyone thinking of the baby here? Just the fact that the father should have equal say. I’d say his judgement was wrong, not so much as not trusting his friends, but he should have considered that your dc could well have been very anxious being left with strangers having never been apart from her parents before. That was his mistake (and actually yours too as it’s not the thing you’re concerned about). It would have been very easy given the circumstances to take her with him and he should have done that.

As an aside though, why didn’t his mum get a taxi?

You know the baby do you?

My dc would have gone home with the milkman quite happily at 6mo

BoudiccaRuled · 26/01/2026 15:50

Sounds great that your baby was so relaxed being looked after by other people. You never know when you may need someone the baby doesn't know to step in, so keep up the training, great work by DH!

NotMeAtAll · 26/01/2026 15:49

You don't know them but he does.

Morecoffeewanted · 26/01/2026 15:49

99pwithaflake · 26/01/2026 15:44

And you'd have been waiting hours.

Show quote history

And hours at the hospital. Where is this A&E that only takes an hour to set broken bones?

My local A&E has 8 hours plus waiting. We attended with a broken bone recently and there were people with fractures waiting 12 plus hours.

Even for children the wait was much longer than 1 hour. Plenty of crying children.

Anyone heading out to A&E knows that they face hours of waiting.

When he left he didn't know for how long. There may be more to this tale.

OVienna · 26/01/2026 15:49

IAmTheLogLady · 26/01/2026 15:48

Absolutely, not rocket science is it.

Show quote history

Lol

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